Am I actually in charge?

There’s that whole thing in “Dune” of “he who has the power to destroy a thing, rules that thing.” So yeah, we are in charge, even if we are fairly hands-off managers!

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I like to think of it as co-habitation. Your “instincts” guide you well because that’s your brains way of saying “okay, look dumbass I know you’re in control right now so let me make you feel some fear so you stop and try to assess the situation a bit more.”