Privacy @lemmy.ml delollipop @beehaw.org 1 yr. ago

How do y’all handle online dating while balancing privacy concerns?

This question is especially for those who have used or are using online dating to meet new people, form relationships, hook up, etc. How do y’all balance the (online) dating scene with your own level of concern regarding privacy/security?

For example, some of these concerns may be that many dating apps are owned by a few companies, dating apps sometimes require linking to sensitive information (real phone number, google accounts, pictures, …), or that they can have vary intrusive trackers, etc

What are the steps you have made to address these concerns, if you have them? Or what are the compromises you have made? How successful are these attempts?

Let me start sharing first (in broad-stroke) about my personal experience. I’m mostly concerned with how my data are handled, transferred between, and used by different services. My concerns usually make using these apps much harder, sometimes even impossible, for example I’m hesitant to share my real phone number to sign up, and I’d prefer to limit my gmail use when possible. But that has also limited my opportunity to meet people online. Though honestly, such interactions have not been meaningful.

I’ve stopped for a while now but thinking of getting back. Just want some perspective on whether it’s worth it, and how I should orient myself with the tradeoffs.

23 comments

There is no being private in online dating, it defeats the whole point. Sure, you can use an email alias, maybe even a burner number, isolate the app in another profile and so on.

But at the end of the day, it's still you you're putting out there.
I juse a fake name, a different gender and AI generated pictures. I get a lit of invitations to meet, but refuse due to privacy concerns.
There's Alovoa but there aren't many users..
On the flip side, if you do happen to meet someone there, there's a high change that they already grasp privacy, FOSS, etc.
- Is there any review out there? I'd like to see how it works aside from hearing people's opinion on it
  
  No idea but it works along these lines:
  
  Make a profile
  
  Set what you are looking for. E.g. males, a relationship
  
  Browse other compatible profiles
  
  Like/dislike
  
  People see who has liked them
  
  Two persons liking each other can chat
This is probably not what you want to hear but I'm going to say it anyways. I personally think dating apps are a pretty stupid way to meet new people especially a potential partner that you are going to marry one day because the only thing that is making you and them decide whether to swipe left or right is superficial things like looks and whatnot which can very easily be faked with the age of social media. As a result, most of the people you will meet are also very likely just going to be looking to hook up and not seriously date, and they especially won't put up with you not having social media and whatever the hell.

That being said, if you are going to use dating apps, the best way is to just use like an alias email, use privacy.com for payments, if you are on android use a work profile for the dating app, possibly only use it with a VPN, use a VoIP number, etc. If you are going to seriously try to date though you should probably just use your real name.
You're using gmail, you're already screwed, might as well get laid too. But seriously, look into alias providers like simplelogin and anonaddy, it works for this use case and can smooth the transition away from gmail in the future. At the end of the day you need to make contact with potentials so it can't be truly private, plus they'll be mining your data, combining it with facebook shadow profiles etc, it's technically quite plausible to identify you from that alone. VoIP, aliases and so forth are band-aids. At the end of the day you need to make a choice, is the potential of finding someone worth more than some of your privacy ? Or...

Consider local hobby groups, hiking, meet-ups and so forth. The so called 'Third Place' (other than work and home) is on it's last legs, but it's not dead and will hopefully see a resurgence, find and partake in one. Put yourself out there.
I just don’t bother with those sites. They are designed to exploit lonely men for money, with an abysmal success rate.

Just try and meet women some other way. Your chances of success certainly aren’t lower than online.
- My chances of meeting someone IRL are definitely lower than online, but congrats on being neurotypical my dude.
  
  I have adhd if that helps
  
  But yes, your chances of meeting someone otherwise are not necessarily more in quantity, but more likely to succeed than being one of hundreds of dudes swiping on a woman. Regardless of if you are autistic
  
  Breh that attitude is 100% self defeating and contributing to the struggle you're having connecting with people both irl and online. Neurotypical people aren't all just good at everything you're not. They struggle with some things just as much as non-neurotypical people do. If there's one piece of advice id ask you to hear is not to focus on finding a date or someone to be with. Focus on developing your own independent interests and engage with the communities around those interests. But go into it with only the desire to connect with people, whatever form that takes. Do that enough times and you should start finding people who might just be interested in spending time with you rather than just sharing an activity together. Dating apps are dehumanizing and are for the hot and naturally charming, definitely not worth engaging unless you have an abundance of confidence and a tolerance for being value judged on every aspect of yourself.
I don't. Having a photo of my face posted online is off-limits already, but it's on the other level of dangerous when it's in a place full of horny men. ESPECIALLY when you don't even look like an adult, it creates a whole other level of creepy. No thanks.
Stop playing that kids game and play Rocket League instead. Guaranteed smurf free

/s
Dont use the app and use the website when possible... This is true for all mobile apps
Travel? I met my wife while I was in Taiwan. I’m not suggesting any place in particular but people are always a little more friendly to foreigners if you go to the right places and don’t act like and entitled doosh 😅
Make sure to never include your face when sending nude pics. Plenty of anonymous dick pics out there.
it’s pretty easy i just send out a bunch of messages and either get nothing back or creepy dudes being weird and sometimes unsolicited creepy dudes being weird and then i get discouraged and don’t go back to that app for a while
Anyone who thinks this deeply about the subject is never gonna get laid with a sane, emotionally mature human being
- There's tons of women, who need to protect their privacy in online dating, to avoid stalkers and worse. And that's specifically because many people want to get laid with them.

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