I found out from the Betoota Advocate, who are the Australian version of the Onion. I took one look and thought, "Yeah, they wouldn't fake a photo like that... bet this is real."
My idiot father was convinced that my puberty growing pains were signs of rheumatoid arthritis, a condition that essentially never develops in anyone younger than 45, and forced me to get a spinal tap.
I was at the age where he couldnt help me with my math homework anymore. You know, algebra, waaay too complicated for this drunk bozo that mainlined Rush Limbaugh at all times while in a vehicle.
Any way they fucked up the spinal tap and I've had spinal and other nervous system problems ever since, and obviously no I did not have arthritis.
Alll he had to do was just listen to me and give me ibuprofen. Nope, kid can't be right, must be some insane bullshit instead. Oh that didn't work? Send him to a chiropractor and fuck him up more!
I am unironically going to piss on his grave and take a sledgehammer to the tombstone when he croaks.
Fixed that for you. It's not like any children are volunteering for the religious indoctrination with a side of trauma from being threatened with eternal suffering the moment they don't behave like their delusional parents prefer.