Dutch toilets

I'm confused, isn't this a better spot for the drain hole? When you sit facing the wall? So you have a shelf for your comic books and chocolate milk?
- Ah, touché
- https://www.southparkshop.com/cdn/shop/products/SB-NSFW-WO_Viacom_SouthPark_TravelMug_21626_Image01_1000x.jpg
- It looks like it's designed to soak your balls if you flush mid-poop. I'm not into this.
  I understand the Dutch may have different tastes, though.
  Edit: if you go about things butters style, you'll get an unhealthy butthole douching.
- We had these here as well and i have no idea. The only thing i ever heard that made sense was it was easier to take stool samples. That makes some sense, but why would every household need them?
- Serious answer: The design had easy stool sample collection in mind.
  
  I've blasted this all over Reddit back in the day and now I'll blast it here: HOW OFTEN ARE THE DUTCH COLLECTING THEIR STOOLS THAT THEY NEED THIS KIND OF TOILET IN EVERY HOUSEHOLD? THEY USE IT EVERY DAY AND NOT JUST AT A DOCTOR'S OFFICE OR A HOSPITAL WHERE YOU WOULD THINK THAT STOOL SAMPLES WOULD BE COLLECTED OFTEN.
  To this day no one has ever given me a reasonable believable explanation that makes sense. I'd be happy to hear that "all the greedy corporate toilet makers didn't want to change their design to save money and now we're all stuck with this dumb toilet blah blah blah" or "we Dutch folk have a special device to sit on that you don't see in this picture that makes the design of this toilet sensible" or even "we simply love looking at a big stinky pile of s*** every time we take a dump you wouldn't understand we're Dutch"
  I stayed in hotels and motels in the Netherlands and they all had the stupid toilet and it stanks so bad and they don't believe in ventilated bathroom so you just have to open a window and smell it and your wife and kids have to smell it too. it's so dumb. I ended up flushing every single turd one by one just to survive.

Apparently this design was popular in Germany a hundred years or so ago. Its key advantage was allowing the user to examine their stools for signs of digestive health problems.
- its so annoying having to use tongs :/
  
  You don't have a knife?
- We Germans like to take pride in our workmanship.
  
  *workmanshit
- I dont need to examine my stools to know my digestive heath is horrific.
- I thought it would just be for less splashing
  
  It's definitely for less splashing. I hate the North American bowls that spray your ass when your turd dunks.
- Yep, but nowadays they are losing popularity. I don't even know if you can still find them.
- Explains shit fetish or vice versa?

Story time: I once briefly lived in a place that had an old toilet bowl like this. You can still find them in older houses. One day I took a massive shit and then found out that the flush wasn't strong enough to get it down from there. And there wasn't a brush. Yikes. Just wanted to share that with you guys.
- The trick is to put 3 pieces of toilet paper in beforehand, that way the whole shitboat can float away.
  
  I like to imagine the shitboat floating away in flames like an epic Viking burial.
  
  Actually? Or are you joking?
  
  My shits at my grandma's would've been more comfy had I known this. I was always worried it wouldn't flush (which happened on occasion).
- Did you use the poop knife?
  
  I came here to reference this, great work.
- Origami toilet brush made from toilet paper. Yikes
- So what did you do next? I'm thoroughly invested in the story
  
  Got a bucket of water to flush it. After that I always had the bucket ready before starting the business. Luckily I didn't stay there very long.
- You wrap Your hand in toilet paper and give it a little push. That's what toilet paper is for.

So your shit just piles up on the upper part till it kisses your asshole?
- I have some experience with these. The only problem is that as the vertically standing excrement begins to collapse forwards, there is a chace for it to keep contact and drag its top portion across, from your anus towards the front. You can avoid this with a maneuver, pulling yourself up and slightly forward, right after the singular vertical log begins losing contact with the excretion area.
  This is not a joke
  
  Give this person an honorary degree in Turd Dynamics. Have you considered publishing your findings in the journal Nature?
  
  I haven't had a nice log come out in decades. Enjoy them while you can.
  
  It's trying to touch your balls isn't it...?
  
  Haven't you thought of shitting in a backwards sitting position?
  I prefer the kiss of poseidon over the casualities of deforestation
- We referred to it as the poop shelf on our last visit.
  
  Decades ago we called this the poop shelf as well.
  
  My brother and I called it the inspection shelf as a joke. Turns out that's what it's actually for.
- The real problem is your turds are exposed to open air the whole time, so the smell fucking awful the whole time.
- It's a solid way to prevent neptunes kiss.
  
  The downside is getting your balls slapped with a turd.
- It gives you the opportunity to examine it. I think that is the reason for the design.
  
  And to savour the undiluted aroma.
  
  "hey Sharon, SHARON GET IN HERE YOU GOTTA SEE THIS! SHARON!"
- Um... if you're holding on to that much shit, you may want you see a doctor.
  
  You've clearly never seen an American eat. 3 triple burgers, a large fry, and a milkshake is the standard dinner while dieting.
- It kisses goodbye your asshole. Don't forget from whence thy sheit falls.
- Since it's already coming out, is it a French/Australian kiss?

Yeah but where's your poop knife?
- That’s what the three shells are for.
  
  Pfffffffff he doesn't know how the three shells work!
  
  I'm still trying to understand which of the three shells is the correct one to use as a poop knife
- The mashitty?
- ah, je mean de poop clogs?
  
  It sure does.
- Just use a shit stirrer.
- aaah I get this reference

I had these in a few houses in Germany. I call them trophy shelf toilets.
- Did you have the light switch outside the bathroom too? That way your friends can make you poop in the dark
  
  Still better than a light sensor in a communal bathroom... outside of the stalls. That's how it is at my workplace. If I spend a bit too long pooping, and nobody else comes in to poop at the same time, I end up in the dark. Then when I have to wipe, I have to either risk opening the stall door and wave into the room, with my dirty ass hanging out, hoping nobody happens to enter the bathroom at that time, or wait patiently for someone to come in and reactivate the light. Makes me wonder how blind people check their wiping: do they go on flavor or smell?
  
  Oh, is that not a thing some places? I think the majority are outside here in the UK, generally electricals are not allowed inside the bathroom (although I'm not sure this actually covers light switches as I'm sure some of them are in there...)
  
  Lol I'm in the states, but one of my friends houses had this "feature" growing up. I definitely turned the light off on him a few times. To top it off, this bathroom had no windows so it got fucking dark in there. It wouldn't even work today, everyone has phones w them now n would just use that after you turned it off. Kids these days...
  
  Of course.
- The Germans call them "Flachspüler".
  
  Germans call a lot of things weird names

- Goddamn I love me some Butters

- 8 into a backflip midair wipe for me.
- #11 is called an upper decker.

You should see the Dutch Oven….
- For an extra 5€ I'll show you a Dutch Trombone

They had these in Germany, too. If you took a particularly massive shit sometimes the water pressure wasn't enough to shove it into the hole.
- I already commented about a poop knife so I won't repeat it here.
  
  Problem has more to do with the streaks. There are many.
  
  Fortunately there was always plunger handy for pushing, so no chopping was needed.
- These toilets also don't help with covering the smell of shit.
  
  I mean, you flush it down regardless, so I never noticed a difference as far as that goes.

American toilets gave me culture shock
They’re so shallow that you can’t even sit down without your balls touching the bowl or the water
- I think you might want to get your balls looked at.
  
  Which will be easy to do, considering they're dangling out of his pant legs
  
  Are you proposing something?
  
  We all do.
- I hated them, they made me anxious. But much worse were the low stall walls. Why america, why? When I take a shit I want a wall that actually serves the purpose of not having people see me taking a shit.
  On another note, the Dutch style toilets were very common in Germany up until the 90s. Rare nowadays. I think they are actually superior. You see it, if you have a problem with your shit and even the largest shit doesn't splash water all over your intimate parts. On the other hand, you have to protect your balls from the large shit, when it goes "timber".
  
  I’ve always known that our stall walls in the US were shit, but then I visited Sweden and saw how truly horrible we were.
  Over there, there are no men’s rooms or women’s rooms. There are just several doors each to a private bathroom and so it doesn’t matter who uses which one.
  I’m sure our “single room with flimsy stall dividers” design is the cheapest, plus it’s not as convenient for all the drug addicts and homeless people our society creates, so it will never change.
  
  I think you mean high stall walls and not low. You're talking about the huge gap so the janitors can sweep and mop easier.
- You got long balls, Larry.

Those are actually French toilets. They were designed like this so you can check for blood and other abnormalities. British toilets were designed so the poop would fall in the water, reducing the stench. The British design proved more popular, yet the French design is better with less splashing and for checking. It's important to check, to find out if there's something wrong with your intestines like cancer (black blood) or a tapeworm. The British didn't find this important, just like washing hands after pooping.
- You guys just like looking at poop
  
  You guys just like the splash
- It’s important to check, to find out if there’s something wrong with your intestines like cancer (black blood) or a tapeworm.
  Hungarian here, many in this country prefer the "betegvécé" (French), yet cannot say anything about what they should check for. It's just virtue signaling, no matter how much people have been abusing that term.
- ~~reducing the stench~~ splashing your testicles with the urine shit surface cleaner mixture
- Are you unable to see blood if it falls in the water?
  
  You can absolutely see your poop in the water and the water would turn red or a darker color if there was blood which is probably more obvious lol

The poop shelf makes it easier to use the poop knife.
- how do I unread this?

Pedophiles in the olympics, our strange toilets with the "poop shelf"; I just can't win today.
Edit: it's so you can inspect it. How is everyone else inspecting their poo?
- I think for most people it's kinda a shit n forget situation. As soon as I have dropped the load I want to disown it and forget it faster than you can say "shit". You know just like pa did it.

Comments on toilets of France, England, and Germany by Slavoj Zizek: https://youtube.com/watch?v=8mtZmBvat4k
Another good bit (not in the video) is that Zizek thinks that's why Germans can endure great pain and sacrifices for an ideal…if you are strong enough to observe your shit for health reasons, there's nothing you can't do!
- French toilets are BIS. Large, deep bowls with great pressure and a second commode for the greatest modern invention, the bidet. The French don't fuck around with their shit.
  
  Using "bis" for toilets is funny, like you're grinding a raid at the hardware store hoping for an epic toilet drop.
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZQr0DVHU2o
  Producer is French. Alléz figure!

What if I don't want to observe my turd on an elevated toilet bowl pedestal every time I take a shit?
- You have to do the ‘ol’ push ‘n flush and hope you got the timing down.
  Turns out your shit sitting exposed on a dry shelf smells exponentially worse than when it drops into water. Anyone still using these toilets in the 21st century is a psychopath.
- You seat on it reverse.
  
  The fact that it's called "reverse" makes it clear that it's not intended to be used that way and is thus stupid.
- You'd be shit out of luck
- Then you do a no-look flush. Ever heard of Magic Johnson??

It’s so you can examine your stool, you might have some blood or a consistency you don’t like, that way you see it
- Wake up, coffee, breakfast, shit, see how much of last nights meal was really digested, shower, shave, work
  Typical morning, idk what the big fuss is
- It also helps you gauge the poop's internal temperature using the back of your scrote, if you are endowed with fairly loose balls.
  
  Long balls!
- I've never not been able to detect something like that with a water-under toilet

I’m a bit shocked with reactions I read. You’ve probably never heard of figure shitting. I tried to figure shit some letters of the alphabet. I’m great at the letter P and R.
- Its hard but not impossible to do German umlauts ä,ö,ü.
  
  I'm always involuntarily umlauting.
- I can do the poop emoji
  
  Hero!

I know the meme is that people use it to look at their poop, but honestly the main advantage is the 0% chance of water splashing up. I will take this design over the "standard" ones any day.
- Have found that putting a little bit of TP in the water before commencing the act helps a lot to avoid Poseidon's kiss.
  
  I once stopped in urgent need of a toilet at the dirtiest little gas station in the middle of nowhere, where the one guy on duty directed me out back to a foul, stunningly filthy toilet. After doing my business I arose and, turning to face the toilet, flushed. It was an old flush mechanism where the water just kind of fell in from all sides, causing a kind of trapped tsunami to eject a single drop of fresh poop water 7 feet up in the air and down straight into my mouth.
  If my many decades of life have taught me anything, it's to close my mouth when flushing or scrubbing the toilet.
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XNDM4eAn1U
  
  Yeah thats the strat, but it wastes a bunch of toilet paper...
- But what about just poop on some toilet paper, make no splash, and the smell is still not so hard, as with the dutch/German toilet
- You haven't thought of the smell!
- What kind of rock hard dookes are you laying?
  
  Probably standard European fibre rich turds.

How do you inspect your stool for blood, then?
- By hand as god intended
- Eyes
  
  Taste

In hungary too in some older toilets. Tbh its better because of less splash.
- If you regularly need to take stool samples like me it's easier as well. On the downside it's smellier.
  
  Why smellier?
  
  It smells like hell on a hot summer day.

Finally, the hole is in the right side! Now my 12" penis feels right at home!
- Great, it can drink the water
- You're not supposed to measure top to top to bottom

literal take on shitposting

This is how you go Dutch.

Usa drops kids off at pool, the dutch stack shelves.
- It looks bigger submerged So it's easier to be proud if you're an American

German toilets are like that too.
- Maybe at Ren Fair

Meanwhile in Italy
- Big shlong problems
- Helps avoid the 'Witches Kiss'
  
  I know a poseidons kiss. Wonder if witches do the same.

Poop and scoop

How else are you supposed to flush your nuts

Flanders here. Those shelved ones are not common but also not omg this is strange. But in kindergarden they are ( where i saw) mostly the norm. Handy to check stuff. ( Is it solid, no worms,... )