Is it a reasonable expectation to check peoples profiles when commenting on their comments to ensure I am pronouning them correctly?

You weren't misgendering; you were meming. Modifying one part of "the man, the myth, the X" to adapt it to the situation is fine and good, but when you start swapping out too much of it ("the X, the myth, the Y" -- or worse, "the X, the Y, the Z") you lose the reference.
- Yeah that's my thought. It's an expression. I've said things like "c'mon man" to people IRL I know to be women, without complaint. If I was using the word "man" in this kind of way and the person I was saying it to asked me not to, I would of course respect their wishes and stop doing it to them, but I've not seen it happen before.
  But a third person coming in to whinge when the person I was talking to had no complaint? 🙄
  (As a side note, with this specific expression I quite like the alternative of "the ma'am…". That helps it scan exactly the same as the original phrase.)
  
  And other people deliberately use all of the "come on man" and "Hey mate" and "Dude is not gendered" explicitly at trans people, because it lets them get away with misgendering. So trans people, who experience that stuff every day, can be a little sensitive when someone does that, even if they aren't doing it deliberately.
  In this case, not knowing the person, and not having access to their pronouns, the comment was fine. But once you know it's an issue, repeating it despite knowing it's an issue is a shitty thing to do.

Usually when I make a mistake while trying to act in good faith, I apologize. Posting about the interaction without apology and flashing names of non-mods involved is not the way to correct your mistake, nor to garner sympathy.
- I did apologize to the mod I emailed. Not looking for sympathy, frankly I was more interested from a technical perspective as to why her pronouns aren't showing on Jerboa, but they were on the browser.
  
  Browsers will collapse white space, line breaks are converted to spaces.
  Jerboa does not collapse white space, and instead rendered the display name with the line breaks. But, one possible reason is that, the area for usernames/display names can only display 1 line, so all of the pronouns got cut off.
  
  That wasn't your question though. If a technical jerboa question is what you intended to ask, about 90% of your post didn't need to be included and the question in the title needed to be very different.
  As to your edit, I would not recommend PM'ing the user directly; that may be very unwelcome and further breach rules of that community. Personally, I would have asked the mods for a chance to edit my comment and apologize publicly. But with previous history of your self-described "psychosis", if I were the mod I would be skeptical of your motivations.

Doesn’t really matter here. The saying is “the man, the myth, the legend”. If you go changing every part of it you might as well have not said anything at all because it won’t make any sense.
- The Ma'am the myth the legend is right there though :D
  
  And if the commenter had been a trans man? Then it seems like deliberate misgendering because you went out of your way to chang a commonish meme phrase
- Agree. Some expressions become so iconic they get genderless. Just like sometimes it's accept to use "man" and "dude" as a genderless exclamation
  
  I once got a temporary ban on another platform for arguing/suggesting that dude has become genderless.
  I know multiple woman that use "dude" that way, but some people are somewhat understandably sensitive on the topic of gender.
- Exactly this.

I'm probably a bit further to the right than most on the fediverse with this opinion but...
I think, once you have been informed of someone's pronouns, it's flat out rude to not use them. I don't know if it's a banning issue but that's for the moderators on your instance to decide or the instance the community is on. Even if you don't agree with someone's lifestyle, it's just polite to address people the way they'd like to be addressed.
But surely there's a difference between intentional misuse and accidental. I think banning someone for not looking up someone's pronouns before a public interaction seems like pushing things a bit far here. I certainly am not checking such things. But, then in general when online I will use gender neutral wording because frankly, for online interactions someone's rarely information that matters for the interaction. I don't really need to know.
My view is, I think it is almost always clear when someone is being malicious and thus transphobic and when someone makes an honest mistake/did not know better. We, as a whole, really should be differentiating between obviously malicious and non-malicious cases.
- Yaa that is similar to my viewpoint, though I am also a cis, white, blonde, blue eyed, tall, male, so my experiences/opinions are coming through the privilege lenses absolutely :| Having to deal with conversations like this all the time with "normies", can imagine people who are deep into such social circles get tired of dealing with the acting-in-bad faith bullshitters.

If somebody corrects you about gender, just say woops, correct yourself, and move on. It's an honest mistake, a simple fix, and nobody should be offended. Especially online. If they are still offended, it's because they want to be.
- I think the issue here is that it wasn't a case of "somebody corrects you about their gender". It was "a third unrelated person comes in and rudely yells at you that you should have already known not to use a turn of phrase".
  
  The user's pronouns were in her username, OP's client just doesn't display additional lines.
- Especially since in this case it was not even the person that was misgendered that called it out. Maybe the original person doesn't even care.

I don’t think it’s necessary to check every profile for potential pitfalls when interacting with them. But honestly, in this case there is an obvious transgender flag in the profile name that should make you at least question your first assumption.
- Do trans men have a different flag?
  
  I don't think there is. The transgender flag is for anyone that is trans. There are transfemme and transmasc specific flags (though they aren't in Unicode so they can't be used like I do the trans flag). Do note that transfemme / -masc does not mean transgender woman and man, they describe how one would like to present and/or express themselves.
- What percentage of the populace do you think knows what the transgender flag looks like? :|
  
  is this ragebait or something
  
  Most of it, but that has nothing to do with you and is just a meagre deflection. The right response would have been "whoops my bad, didn't notice that, I'll do better next time" or a variation thereof.
  Shifting the discussion as you are trying to do is just poor behaviour that makes your alleged genuine questions seem much less so. Sort of how like when I misgender someone I don't go and make a big fuss about it, dig my heels in and try to start a discussion about morality or expectations. I correct my mistake and thank the person for informing me of it. It's not a big deal unless you make it one, which you've done
  
  The online percentage.
  
  well if you didn't know now you do and can avoid this kind of interaction again if your so worried about it
  
  65% is my guess.

Rule #21 of the internet: everyone is a guy
Addition 1: every women is actually a guy
Addition 2: every kid is an 18+ guy
Addition 3: little girls are FBI Agents
- What about the dogs on the Internet? I thought everyone was actually a dog.
  
  Yes, but it's a guy dog.

Just stop using gender specific pronouns at all. Makes things much simpler
- This is what I try to do. This has been made slightly more difficult after “they” became a pronoun in its own right. I’ve only had one person get upset by my using “they” before knowing their preferred pronouns though, and when my intent was clarified it was fine. But like damn what other default pronoun exists? I guess this is what getting old feels like, it’s not like Iwant to be a boomer about this.
  
  I use they/them as a default. I'll catch myself in using them and go "wait, what is this persons pronouns" and check, on platforms like Lemmy that have it, their display name for pronouns, and if there aren't any, then bio. If neither have any pronouns I'll use they/them. If there are pronouns I will not use they/them unless listed.
- i find this very easy on lemmy, in english. i'm usually talking to folks more than about them. if i do want to talk about someone, i'll check their profile, or default to 'they' if data is lacking, but it's a rare enough thing so as to be little burden.

I think you shouldn't assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don't think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn't check her profile which says she's a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I've especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.
- This is deeply shitty. If you're right that >80% of people on Lemmy are men (I'm not sure I buy that), then it's even worse to assume everyone is a man. What you're doing is chasing off the already extremely outnumbered non-men. If you want this place to be welcoming to people who aren't men, then you need to change your behavior.

- Always has been

What app do you use? Last I checked, pronouns are part of display names for Hexbear users. You shouldn’t have to check profiles. That’s the whole point of them being included in display names. Your app would ideally just respect display names and it would require no extra effort on your part to gender people correctly.
- Jerboa, made an edit on the post asking for a free Lemmy mobile recommendation that has the feature.
  
  Use Thunder. Its on Fdroid. Or you can grab it straight from Github with Obtanium.
  
  I'm on jerbora as well and can see the previous person's pronouns, but it could be an instance specific thing.
- Your app would ideally just respect display names and it would require no extra effort on your part to gender people correctly.
  Even if pronouns aren't displayed, it takes even less effort to use neutral pronouns for everyone unless you know otherwise.
  
  And how does one do that while meming “the man, the myth, the legend”?

You are supposed to do deep research on the person you're commenting to....
I barely even read usernames, plus Voyager App doesn't show profile bios, so even if I wanted to check their profile I can't and I'm sure as fuck not using the mobile website to get the information.
- Same. Voyager doesn't show it, I'll do my best, but I'm not going to feel bad when I miss
  
  That's why I just stick with they/them, anyone who gets annoyed about me using that isn't worth the energy, it's an anonymous message board, I don't know you, that's my purse!
- That's not an excuse nor justification for misgendering anyone, neutral pronouns exist, use them.
  
  If you tell me I will use them, I'm not a mind reader, I'm a dumbass with an internet connection.
  
  If you get upset by someone using non gender neutral pronouns in general speech I don't think you're old enough to be on the Internet, and if you are we need to raise the age of access.

I'm not even interested in the username of the person I'm responding to. I tend to ignore it completely unless there's a comment like "lol, username checks out".
There are very few times I will bother to check someones profile. They have to either say something so awesome that I want to see more, or have given a take so hot I want to see if they're trolling or if this is standard behaviour for them.
While it looks like the whole Jerboa/"miscommunication" thing has been sorted out here I want to chime in to say that no, I don't think that checking profiles for anything is a reasonable expectation.

No.

- If you don't mind answering, what sort of surgery did you get for a NB transition?
- Going to dig through your comment history later, im curious to see what has been said o.o reminds me of the greentext of the black guy telling a story at a party of all white people, and he says the N word and a white girl asks him to not say that as it makes her uncomfortable and the black dude mentally is like "?????? Are you fr?.."
  Telling people not to do something when it makes you uncomfortable, for sure, that's adulting 101. Hoooowever... Feel that shows how much social interaction that gal has actually had with African Americans outside of a professional setting.. not much :|
- Drag agrees, Lemmy is very cruel to trans people. Drag gets so many people yelling at drag for using drag's first person neopronouns. So many people insisting drag's pronouns are third person and making it into an argument.
  
  Drag threw me for a loop the first time drag replied to me. I assumed it was a bit at first because this is the Internet and all, but I looked at drag's history to see what the story was, since it's not like anyone gives an introduction before commenting.
  Other than the pronouns, Drag's posts are like anyone else's. Nothing was trollish, and Drag has explained drag's pronouns a few times. It's interesting to see drag's idea is to create something simpler, but as it is not very English in structure, it sounds very strange at first. I think I've gotten the idea now, though I have had to make a few corrections as I type this.
  First, I think people should be able to be whoever they want to be, especially online, if they aren't doing things to be jerks. Drag has not done anyone wrong that I've seen. So if Drag asks me to call drag by something, why wouldn't I? Drag has engaged with me in a friendly way, so I owe drag the same.
  Second, I enjoy it as a creative exercise. It keeps my mind engaged while writing what would otherwise be a bland reply. It's kind of fun to see language experience some flexibility and evolution, and if it honestly makes Drag feel better about drag's self, I can accommodate that. If you can't abide that, just move on and let Drag live drag's life.
  Even though most of us are liberal here, it doesn't mean we're free of bias or not stuck in our own ways. Even if we don't get something, it doesn't hurt us to cooperate with someone that it does make sense to. That's just my feelings though.

It's reasonable, especially if they got a trans flag in their name. But even if not, it's one click and a swipe back.
- This is why gender abolition should've won out.

Using a client that shows the pronouns in hexbear is good and it sounds like you are doing that now.
As a follow up, I recommend approaching gender just as one would if they were bring mindful with new people. If you don't know pronouns, using they/them is a fine way to start referring to someone neutrally. You can also just use their name. It is considerate to then figure out what they prefer in a non-awkward way, either by how others talk or by just asking them nicely. Having pronouns displayed by names is just helpful for clarity and speeding things up online.

I never check usernames or comments. It is about the conversation at hand.
I assume sone people are sensitive of pronouns if they have transitioned or altered their pronouns, but simple catch phrases should not get you banned--if it was clearly not harrassment.
I try to be cautious of gendering and use they/them when possible, but also i feel individual people need to realize the world does not revolve around just them as an egocentric bubble, and sometime shit happens and you have to deal with your feelings about it, and either A) ask for what you need, or B) move on. Having mods protect your feelings for a perceived slight does not prepare you for the outside world of actual interaction with humans.
Again, anyone please don't take this as condoning purposeful harassment, bullying of those not in the boomer view of gender. I grew up as a cismale that did not follow the normal idea of what a boy or man is. I was the artsy, poetry type that had mostly female friends. This caused toxic males to label me gay. Cuz gay to hang out with women, LOL.
On a funny note my as a bearded man standing at the pharmacy counter, my pharmaciat called me "Sir Or Madame" as one phrase. They clearly had just taken a course on inclusivity, or have something in them that made them respond per the exact script corporate presented. There wasn't even a need to address me with an honorific, they could have just said Next, or I can help you now.

I generally just use gender neutral language. I would check the person's bio before using a phrase like that tho, especially if they have a trans flag emoji in their name
That being said, getting banned/restricted for that comment alone seems a bit extreme to me tho

No, if they want to be gendered appropriately, they should have it in their username.
- It is in their username, their version of Lemmy just doesn't show it for some reason. Hexbear users have to pick a set of pronouns
  
  I think we are/were/have sent that upstream to the main lemmy code doohickey.
- It did. OP's client doesn't display it. It's pure miscommunication.
  
  I do! And they isn't one of them...
  Besides that, I do accept that OP couldn't see my pronouns, it isn't their fault that I deliberately tried to fuck with my display name, and that their app then honours the newlines I put in there but truncates it to one line.

yes, it takes 2 seconds and minimal effort.

I personally try to avoid gendered language, but if I do use it, I tend to check their profile-bio :)

Nah it can’t be expected

- I've had people flip out at me on Lemmy for 'misgendering' it's so ridiculous.
  Like we don't know if it's a man or woman. It's the internet, yknow?
  
  And when you speak up about how useless all of this is your comment might get removed :O
  
  If you don't know then why are you using gendered pronouns for them?
  
  I recommend sticking to gender nonspecific instead of defaulting to masculine.
  
  God I hate it when people call animals "they". Like "the dog doesn’t like their squeaky toy" - it’s a dog! Call it "it"! "The dog doesn’t like its squeaky toy"

I know that for some people it's quite a struggle. Whether it is their focus, lazyness, energy levels, unwillingness during their toilet time or something else.
So, I'd say no. That's part of why I usually just go for they/them. Just like when you don't know someone's pronouns irl
- Then there are those of us who grew up in an era where usernames either didn't matter or didn't exist (depending on the platform), so you quickly became conditioned to just not reading their name let alone clicking into their whole account to see who they are. I am guilty of it, but people looking at your profile is creepy.
  I know that on Reddit before I left, the only time I ever took a good hard look at someone else's account is if they said something that made me so unbelievably angry that I had to look at everything else they said to find something to clap back with. By the time I would get partway through their post history, I would realize that I let a random stranger on the internet tilt me and then I'd calm down and feel stupid for a while before going back to my own business.
  We are all strangers on the internet. Let's keep it that way.
  
  Right, do tell me how "semperverus" or "edie" tells me anything about gender? Yes, I know my profile is empty with just some comments, feel free to be as creeped out as you like.
  Looking trough your profile I can't figure out your gender either. Just a fanatic use of slurs

Just be more careful with gendered language. Also, the trans flag was right there
- I did not know that was the trans flag. Appreciate ya letting me know >_<
  “The them, the myth… the X”. Forsure, that does seem more meme anyways.
  
  What did you think it was... the flag of Cista Roca?
  I am tickled by this and fully support your TIL process.
  
  Happy to help, and don't feel down for the restriction, in today's hellworld where people's identities are constantly and violently challenged it's hard to not be jumpy when something doesn't seem right
  
  I was staring at that username for quite a bit after reading the comment saying that it was in their username. I did not get it, either.
  Even knowing that there's a trans flag, and that that's what is in the username, I wouldn't know what pronouns to use.
- Maybe a stupid question, but how do I tell from the flag whether that's a trans fem or trans masc?
  
  If it's an ambiguous name you might have to check. Fortunately, Edie is an unambiguously female name, and the clear majority of binary trans people pick clearly gender-coded names.
  
  There are no stupid questions, but the one you should ask yourself is "should i try to use gender neutrale language and/or check their bio or should i not care and risk hurting someone?"
  If you care about not hurting people, you'll find the right answer, and if an honest mistake happens, own it and people will generally be understandable. It's really not that different from common courtesy, it just isn't the norm yet
  
  You don't but you'll know that it probably matter that you get it right
  
  You can't. Best to use they and other neutral ways of referring to some{one/many} unless you check or are corrected.
- So, to be clear, you want people to treat trans people differently than everyone else?

If they don't list their pronouns and i can't tell by their speech i just go neutral. Checking profiles for gender is definitely not considered necessary in the circles i run in. If poster doesn't make it clear and doesn't have pronouns listed honest mistakes will be made and forgiven

Just stop giving a fuck, there's a metric shitton of crazies doing janny work, it's unpaid and very unsatisfying. If they ban you, it's either their instance's loss or nobody's. The account costs nothing because it's worth next to nothing. I don't even need the links that I myself post and the others' I can see even if they ban my account. This is a shitpile, it being in the fediverse doesn't make it less of a shitpile.

That's a pretty reasonable misunderstanding, I don't speak for anyone but myself but generally as long as there's no malice involved I'm not upset by an accidental misgendering.
I'm on jerboa too and didn't even know there were specific pronouns on accounts, I just chucked mine in my bio.
- There aren't specific pronouns. One can just use the display name option to add pronouns

Its an honest mistake and I think if you appealed the ban you'd have a good case for it, however as you now know that's the trans flag you can be more mindful in future :)

Uh, yes, but its a mutual misunderstanding from both sides...
- Welp, turns out I was a lib/rightist...
  What should I say?
  
  Bad bot. You don't even understand the context of the discussion here.

i would block all those people and move forward with my life

Generally I wouldn't take that kind of thing too seriously from hexbears they love conflict and actively seek it out
- You know what, that's fair. I am a hog for dunks and we do like to deploy the ppb
- I lurk quite a bit, rarely comment or post. Have seen a lot of complaints about the Hexbearers, didn't think they were too bad (well there are accounts on there that do seem to like to push Russian/Chinese talking points frequently + consistently). However overall the community provides some high quality content/insight.
  
  well there are accounts on there that do seem to like to push Russian/Chinese talking points frequently + consistently
  Like what, pray tell?
  
  I'm sure 80% of them are lovely people, but the minority are so damn loud and travel in packs

No, it shouldn't necessarily be an expectation to check. However, if you don't then I think it's a reasonable expectation to not gender someone one way or another unless you do know or are corrected, using they/them and other neutral ways of referring to someone like person etc is the best idea if you can't or don't feel up to checking.

Sometimes moderation is ridiculous. More “zealous” moderation teams just strike everyone relentlessly. Usually the kind of people that make boomers label every young people as snowflakes
Back when I was on Reddit, on the LTT subreddit, I started reading rumours that formerly known as Anthony (I am here meming with the whole X ordeal), had transitioned into Emily, and I checked the website sorta confused. I thought it was just a mistake or a joke until I saw it actually confirmed. So I did that whole party meme with me at the corner not realising that he had transitioned into she, and everyone else already having congratulated her. This got me banned.
- For someone calling queers snowflakes you sound real salty over being banned for transphobia over a year ago
- Why would I give a shit what boomers think of me?
- People get banned for less while certain other shit just stays up. It is all about mods bias, thats just how things are.

when unsure or lazy i use they/them

I just checked the apps I use, and sync shows display names properly.

- This is an absolutely garbage take. "Anonymous" defaults to male in everyone's mind because patriarchy is the basis of our society. Claiming everyone should just be "Anonymous" is a male supremacist and exclusionary of everything else position to take.
- Gender is an incredibly validating concept specifically for some trans people, to write it off is unhelpful.
  
  I mean in my "very long" years of experience never seen in an anonymous ungoverned platform someone intentionally revealing any peace of personal information about themselves like in hacking platforms for example someone calling themselves "he who hacks" or "her majesty" or such where those are only simple usernames but yet reveal enough to minimize the search area and along with the comments data could trigger enough data to start and osint attack on the user and then eventually dox them..
  if you're obligating everyone to acknowledge your personal data don't be nagging when companies be selling your data and making profit out of it since there are people who like Force feeding their informations onto others to be aware of, hell I won't even blame Lemmy instance owner to sell the users data by then.
  I'll be talking about myself and the majority of users that immigrated to this social platform based on the idea that it's ungoverned, legally safe for all users and anonymous so when a user Calles someone bro or pal it's if not always meant as gender neutral same as in a random people calling you bro with the meaning of that he/she descending from your mom or dad, like yourself, the logic is the same and intentions were pure, plus with the culture of respecting everyone's right of privacy you'd learn to treat everyone as equal and the same, with the only difference is the mentality and ideas held by individuals not by gender as the only special treat to define a user.

I uh, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to check others profiles to ensure we are correctly pronouning them
And yet, in that little whine right there, you managed to use the very gender neutral pronoun that would have saved you all this hassle (including the hassle you're making up of having to go and look up the pronouns of every individual you interact with).
So you know it exists, and you know how to use it, but you decided to try and be funny instead, and it backfired.
You misgendered someone, and now have to deal with the most minor of minorest consequences for harm you caused to another.
You are still free to create 100 different accounts on 100 different instances, just not the one where you broke the rules. No one owes you a platform, deal with it.
Your choice now is to double down and make it worse, or you can be an adult, admit you made a mistake, and learn from it for the future so you don't repeat it.
I dare to say you have already chosen, but feel free to prove me wrong.
- You are still free to create 100 different accounts on 100 different instances, just not the one where you broke the rules.
  Technically OP is free to create another account on that same instance.

Whatever your thoughts on the original situation, you know her pronouns now, and you've directly reposted the thing that got you banned. This time around, you don't have an excuse. You know that it's an issue, but you didn't anonymise the post, effectively sharing the misgendering with even more people
- The misgendering, and the fact that it was accidental, is the point of the post. If anything OP is sharing her correct gender with "even more people", and creating a discussion where we can think about how to stop this happening in future both to this individual, and on Lemmy in general. Why would you want to shut that down?
  
  It could easily have been anonymised. The conversation can happen without misgendering someone a second time around.
  Literally just edit the person's name out of the image, and boom, same discussion, but this time without repeating the same mistake