Guys: would you have an affair if it risked your job?
Guys: would you have an affair if it risked your job?
I have a horrible crush on someone who
- I THINK might be attracted to me, but I am terrible at figuring these things out.
- We are both married and have kids, and
- He is a doctor. I'm...not. Medical ethics, etc. says he could get in a lot of trouble.
- We have known each other for several years and nothing has happened. I definitely think he was hinting early on, but I was afraid I might be misreading so I dropped the ball, so to speak, and now I just want to kick myself for it.
Because I am a total idiot, I am obsessively thinking about ways to let him know that I am interested in him the next time I see him (like asking to grab coffee, which I have been afraid to do because I have a pathological fear of rejection). Guys, is this incredibly stupid? Would you ever risk this much because you really wanted to sleep with someone? I do NOT want a serious thing and am not going to ask him to leave his wife or anything like that. I just really want to kiss the guy...and some other things.
I'd ask why your job is your main concern, versus your family, but I feel like this is a fake rage bait post.
You didn't bring up your significant other once other than saying you and the other guy are both married with kids. Do you not care at all about your SO or are you in an open relationship?
Pretty sure you know the answer. You're not going to find people who are on board with this.
Yes it's stupid and if you go through with cheating you are scum. Sorry not sorry.
Maybe think about how your actions impact those people around you. Worst of all, you have kids. If you really want to fool around with other people just get a divorce and go for it then.
All I can say is that the repercussions which ensue when (not if, when, it's inevitable) you two are discovered will never be worth the pleasures of sex. Even if just from the perspective of duration.
My advice would be talking things out with a good therapist. I'm not trying to demean you, I'm not making a moral judgement (things are neither bad nor good, they just are), I'm just saying this desire may stem from something completely different. In addition, someone who's trained to navigate complicated situations will always be able to help you achieve more clarity than People On The Internet™.
As a guy, yes, I would probably risk an office affair, but I’m also an idiot who craves physical affection and makes shitty relationship decisions, so my bar is pretty low. I think in your situation with medical licenses and such on the line though, I think it gets into a bit more serious territory (this already on top of the marriage/kids aspect). I think workplace flirtation though is just whatever if it stays that, you can maybe try referring to them as your “work-husband” and try seeing how comfortable they feel in that “role” or if they don’t really push it past that.
I actually have a lady at my work like that as well who I’ve thought there’s something there occasionally, we’d talk about risqué things and such, she’d sometimes put her hand on me when laughing at some dumb joke I made, but I recognize it’s way too easy as a guy to misinterpret casual physical contact as being something more than what it is. So I just pretend like nothing happened out of fear of misinterpreting something that isn’t there because I don’t want to spoil a good coworker friendship if I’m wrong. But I’d bone the shit out of her if given the chance.
If you're friends, just have a talk and tell then upfront. You two can figure out how to handle this