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Quintus @lemmy.ml

Why do some people not enjoy living?

Ten minutes ago, I was watching the moon while listening to music. Specifically, "My Castle Town" by Toby Fox. And I just started crying. Tears of joy. I realized just how much I enjoy living. The pretty view of The Moon, the beautiful melody...

I never had any bad things happen to me. I love my parents because they are loving and kind, no trauma whatsoever, had depression once but I sent it away shortly. Lots of hospital visits though. But nothing serious. No girlfriends, no love pains etc.

I have basically nothing in my hands right now. But I'm always able craft new hobbies when I run out of them. By the mere power of imagination. In fact, I'm looking to learn French now because English was easy as fuck.

But while I enjoy life very much, I realize that I begin to distance myself from those that do not think the same. For instance, one of my friends never takes any joy from anything that he does. Say; complains about not having a girlfriend, being ugly etc. etc. He's the most handsome person I've ever seen in person. And girls just straight up lust over him. Yet, he insists on focussing on the negative. Which makes zero sense to me. Why is he ruining his own life by refusing to see the good?

Now I do realize that most people are not as lucky as me to be with absolutely no problems in their lives. However, I had the "basic" set of problems that men my age have. Those being:

  • Like a girl but she rudely refuses you (or even insults)
  • Argue with parents

And my "friends" are always so offended by these problems all they do is complaining about them non-stop. One even tried to kill himself over a girl. I genuinely can't warp my head around this. Why? When I encountered these things I never cared or at worst deluded my way out.

Why can't people just sit down and appreciate life? When I'm sitting down waiting for something, the mere ability to move my limbs seems fascinating to me. I get out of so many things.

Don't get me wrong I don't mean any of this as seeing myself above others. (Although I do have a massive ego.)

Meanwhile, I will watch the Moon.

39 comments

  • You are the dog surrounded by fire saying "This is fine".

    I'm in too much pain right now to locate the image.

  • It all begins how humans, who are supposedly capable of choosing things, didn't chose to be born. All of a sudden, we're here, and we're strapped to a web of hypocrisy, lies, duties, obligations, etc. We're constantly expected to lie to people and to ourselves, we can't be sincere, we can't be true all the times.

    For example: take a job interview, can one really sincerely answer "why do you want to work here/for us?" when they're struggling to find a job? The true answers ("I don't wanna starve" / "I'm not getting to find a job so, please?" / "I need money to... Survive, I guess?") will straightforwardly dismiss them as a candidate. They're supposed to say "beautiful" things.

    There are these societal rules, invisible rules: they're not written anywhere, they weren't decreed anywhere, we're simply "expected" to follow them on a daily basis, or we'll suffer the consequences from not following these invisible rules.

    There's this constant and hidden struggle to find out how other humans want us to be in order to be allowed to continue to "participate in society" (something that lacks alternatives, i.e. I'm forbidden of turning myself into an hermit and going to live alone amidst the woods, because I'm expected to be a citizen within the constraints of the civilization, I need to pay for food and pay for shelter, so I need to work to be paid, but I often need to pay to work).

    While we struggle with it, we see how birds can fly unconstrained. Sure it's certainly not easy to be a bird, but have you seen a bird carrying dollar bills? Or perhaps some electricity bills? Maybe carrying their IDs and visas (because they're crossing countries everytime)? Have you seen birds having to take the bus/train/car and spend hours to arrive at their workplace, just to have to constantly lie, be a cog inside some invisible machine, and behave hypocritically with their coworkers and bosses? They have no job, and they survive through Mother Nature's wealthy. So, as humans, we're chained to ourselves, whether you can see it or not.

    Your same moon remembers me of Lilith. Remembers me on how She is the archetype of untamed freedom. It's not something attainable in this world, it's not something attainable while we're chained to ourselves from since we were born. Untamed freedom is not something mundane, it's beyond this life, it's beyond this existence. That's why I often want to be caught by Her owl wings in Her majestic flight and be flown eternally beyond the fabric of the spacetime. I imagine myself in this very flight whenever I see the moon. A flight to the real freedom, unconstrained from this mundane "prisoners dilemma" where we are both our own prisoners and our own guards. I don't enjoy life, because I can't cope with my lack of real choices, especially the choice of coming into the existence.

    Good for you that you can extract any joy out of it. Good thing you can grasp any "happiness" within this world. Unfortunately, it's not a one-size-fits-it-all thing, you know.

  • Idk. I feel empty inside. I don't really feel joy. I don't really feel sadness either. I just kinda persist. There are things I want to do. I don't have the mental strength to do them regularly. Or like at all. Usually I tell myself that's because I'm tired after the day/week. But deep down I know that this is not it. Or at least not the main reason. I don't really do anything even during holidays. Every day feels the same. I know that this isn't good for me, but I don't care. I don't worry about the future. Society is fundamentally broken, and always was/will be. I just go with the flow

    ...

  • If you'd legitimately like to understand, you should research things like clinical depression and anxiety disorders. Not everyone has a "normal" brain chemistry. If you genuinely want to understand, try to step outside of your perspective when doing so and try to put yourself in the shoes of someone afflicted with any of these conditions as you look into them.

    These disorders can literally prevent someone from seeing many, if not all positive aspects in their life. Everything is quickly or immediately painted in a troubling or worrisome manner. It's a fucking hellscape to trudge through on a day to day basis and there's no magical fix for any of it. There are things that can help mitigate and cope but there's nothing that purely removes these afflictions. A big one is empathy from people who care about that person and genuinely want them to know they do care about how that person feels.

    Asking someone with one of these afflictions why they can't "just be happy" is not unlike asking a quadriplegic why they can't go for a swim.

    I know I didn't wish to go through every day hating the world, myself, and feeling anxious about every unknown. I want to feel free to feel unabashedly comfortable in my own skin and enjoy every moment of my waking life, but my brain is literally not wired to be able to do that with any reliable consistency. The best I, and many others, can do is just try to temper and negate those invasive thoughts and emotions as best we can when we can. How often that can happen is dependent on several factors and is not the same for everyone. I may be able to cope with X when someone else can't, and not be able cope with Y while another person can.

    Your friends may very well be going through similar things, and I know you didn't say you do, but if you are confronting them with your lack of understanding and questions like "why can't you just be happy/enjoy life?" you could be amplifying their pain and further alienating them when they likely already wake up feeling that way without any outside provocation.

  • My advice for you is to humble yourself.

    You make some big mistakes that will upset people that you care about.

    1. Their issue

    You are mistaken if you understand symptoms as cause. You see them complain about e.g. women but that doesn't mean women are actually the problem or the cause. So if you look at them complaining about women, you might think why are they so focused on women and make themselves sad. But reality might be, they are sad and the attention of a woman gives them a lot of e.g. dopamine and makes them happy or proud of themselves. If the woman is now the source of comfort, any rejection or conflict is more than what it is, the women "steal" their comfort from them. That is just an example that I have seen played out around me in my teenager years. I am not saying that it is your friends issue.

    1. Source of issue

    You seem to think the source of the issue can be located in their decision to focus on the issue. That might be an issue at times but not always and if it is not, it is very insulting, rude, and maybe even harmful to assume so. In my example of what a common issue was in my teenage years, they didn't focus on the issue (self-esteem issue and societal expectations) but on feeling good and those who "played" judge on whether or not they were allowed to feel good. Obviously a very deranged perspective on reality, but an understandable one. When we burn ourselves while cooking, we usually don't question the decision that we want a warm meal. They feel pushed down a cliff when a girl whose they thought gave them positive attention, rejects them. They might not question if they should be seeking validation from others when they don't approve themselves. They are the issue and not the woman but they are suffering and not seeing it clearly.

    Again I don't know if that is an issue, I am just giving an example to highlight your flawed thinking.

    1. Consequences

    The consequences of assigning a wrong issue and a wrong cause might not seem as big but you described some already. Alienation, both you from them and them from you. If you have an overly certain and/or overly simplified version of their issue, you will feel annoyed by them because they won't go for the obvious solution And they will be annoyed by your attitude. Imagine your parents would die and a friend would say "they would have died eventually anyway", would you take that positively? Because obviously, the issue isn't that they are dead as much as they are dead now.

    But with the alienation comes isolation, for e.g. actually medically diagnosed depressed people, isolation can be deadly. But it can also feed into alienation by reducing opportunities to bond and understand others. But once again, isolation is affecting both, you and your friend. If your friend starts to dislike you, they have one less person that can support them in their struggles. And if you lose enough friends like that, you can talk to yourself or post publicly to people about how you are happy and don't understand your friends, because you don't have friends to talk about it. I am not trying to be rude but I hope you see my point, instead of talking to your friends about their unhappiness and trying to get an understanding of them, you talk about your friends with random people online who don't know you or your friends. That is like asking the random guy on the train if your mom has bday today.

    1. Solution

    Step back, accept that you are not them and that you can't feel what they feel and that you don't know them like they know themselves.

    Don't act like you know better, if you obviously don't know.

    Don't talk about your happiness as if it was relevant. I am happy but I didn't mention before because no one cares, it isn't about me. It makes it seem like you are bragging about it, to those who aren't.

    Look into actual depression, just so you can humble yourself a little bit by realizing that they can't easily control their brains chemicals and judging them for that might be a dick move.

    In short, become someone who respects the struggles of others especially if you don't know the struggle.

    Lastly, your ability to do stuff with your body might be peace to you but others are struggling with just that. I know people who are smart and generally able but they just can't make themselves do stuff. They sit there for hours, trying to focus on a task but their brain drifts away. Their knowledge of their possibilities if it weren't for their inability to focus, pains them greatly and makes it very difficult to not blame themselves for it, even though they are medically diagnosed that their brain is just not working like a "normal" healthy brain. Your source of peace might be the source of great pain for others.

    • Imagine your parents would die

      At least they won't have to wage slave (so they can pay rent) anymore.

  • I try to see the world and everything in it for what it really is. I don't believe in fate, god, karma, souls, etc. The way I see it, I'm depressed and don't enjoy life because I'm just a collection of electrical signals/chemical processes inside of my brian. And my brain is fucked. I can't relate to people who genuinely enjoy life. I get sparks of happyness but spend most of the time being miserable.

    Another personal reasons for why I don't enjoy life is change. I know that no change = no progress = boredom, but I still despise it. And look at that, literally everything in life changes all the fucking time. Loved ones die, pets die, the tech I love slowly dies out.

    And then there is the looming threat of dying at any moment because I'm a fragile organism that can die even while sleeping. That terrifies me to no end. Just suddenly not existing. And yes I have watched motivational videos advocating for why we shouldn't fear death. I'm not buying it.

    • There are more or less accepted theories in psychology that fear of death is ultimately the basis for all our fears. Fear of being left alone is a result of evolution telling us we will die without a community. Fear of failure because we would get cast out, hence being alone and dying without the communuty etc. The hypothesis is that once you accept death as an inevitable part of life, the path leading there will be much more enjoyable.

      What I find interesting is that you are saying you dont enjoy life but are afraid of dying. If life isnt enjoyable, would disappearing really make a difference? (genuine question)

      We experience the world through lenses that our brain programmed through our experiences. I think the extent to which one enjoys life deoends heavily on how that persons brain 'expects' life to be enjoyed. If your opinion is that life is generally not that great, you wont experience the different joys it brings. In some cases, our brains can be 'tricked' very easily. For example, when you have a hiccup, tell yourself 'hiccups arent real' like you really believe it. The hiccup will go away within seconds. What Im trying say is if you tell yourself that you are enjoying some things and that life is great, eventually that will become your new reality. The trick behind motivational videos/speeches/coaches is that you receive the information from another person. If you believe that person is telling the truth in saying life is great, your brain may adopt to that. Telling it to yourself is way more efficient though because your brain is already you, but it obviously seems stupid talking yourself into things you dont believe.

      Of course clinical depression is a different matter and needs professional care.

      • If life isnt enjoyable, would disappearing really make a difference?

        I think I wouldn't mind being dead, as I couldn't feel anything anyways. But existing and then suddenly not even knowing I don't exist sounds very scary. When I forget what I was thinking about a few seconds ago, at least I know that I did forget about something. I think the fear stems from the fact that no one can even imagine how death feels like. Sleeping or being in a coma isn't even close as it feels like a time skip.

  • While getting aboard the world's slowest elevator, one that will take you 80+ floors above you, how do you react to smelling the nastiest fart possible as you cross the threshold?

    Does it even matter?

    No it doesn't.

    You're on this elevator, and it won't stop until you're the reason it stinks so bad.

    Rent is due in 31 days

    Now playing the album Marquee Moon by Television

39 comments