poop!
PROTIP: if you need an excuse for anything, use the Diarrhoea Trick™. Nobody wants to ask questions if you say or hint that you missed something because you have diarrhoea. The more casually you say the word, the more pressure you put on them to accept your excuse so that you'll go away.
Yeah, if someone just straight says they have diarrhea what i hear is that this person is a loose cannon and i should step aside
Cons: now you're the diarrhea person
Fuck yeah I am
Sorry I missed mom's funeral, my dog had so much diarrhoea he was spraying like a firehose.
the worst is when you start vomiting at the same time
The dreaded Double Dragon
lol. one time i had food poisoning, only i didn't know it was food poisoning. i hadn't had it in so long. i just felt kinda chilly and tired on a wintery evening, so i climbed into bed an hour early. 2 hours later i woke up, confused and groggy. not sure what was wrong, but my body was hitting me with every "impending doom" signal. goosebumps, tingling up the spine, growing anxious. no pain, but the inner alert sirens were going off. i'm older so i have some complacency about knowing my body, but also accepted that one day i will die probably from a cerebral or myocardial event so i wondered if that's what was happening.
so i did what i always do when i feel bad and am trying to comfort myself, i get in a warm shower and let it warm me. so i'm in there, the feeling of doom is still rising and i'm starting to be convinced that im about to have a stroke or an aneurysm when suddenly i burst at both ends with incredible severity. my first actual thought was, "oh thank god" because then i realized what was happening ("its just acute food poisoning"). and how good it was that i was already in the shower lmao.
Free bathroom breaks
I fucked my body up by downing 10 grams of a sodium-form drug a day for almost a decade. A solid one is RARE for me these days.
YEEHAW!!!Thanks for the heads up
