5d ago

Potty Training: Toddler holding it in, tips?

Hey parents! Dad of a 2.5 year old girl and having some struggles with potty training and curious to know if others have experienced this issue and what tricks/tips helped.

We started potty training in January and it was going well, we made it part of her nightly routine to go #1 on the potty before bed and would get a sticker reward (some tracker chart that pampers/huggies offers). She even started to say she wanted to go on the potty during the day and even made a couple #2's, which we were excited for and told her how great it was she did this.

Then suddenly overnight she became incredibly afraid of the potty and is now actively trying to hold it in. We know she needs to go because she strains, yells "No" repeatedly and holds her bum as if she is trying to keep it in. We try to encourage her and tell her it's ok and that she can go in her diaper if she needs to but the act of going #2 seems to really scare her and we are concerned of any side effects of her constantly trying to hold it in.

She seems to go at daycare with no issue (in her diaper, they aren't actively trying to potty train her yet).

I understand people might not know the cause but curious to know if you went through this and what helped your toddler?

6 comments

I recently read the Oh Crap, Potty Training book and thought a lot of her ideas made sense. Admittedly, her method is not how we trained our almost three year old, but if I could start over I think I would. The recommended method is: a day (or two or three) of completely naked with the potty in the room. You’re trying to get your child to move from the realization of 1. Clueless 2. I peed 3. I’m peeing 4. I need to pee. You’re also looking for their signs of needing to go. Then you go pantless, then commando for awhile. You’re trying to have fewer things to take off but also removing the “comfort” of having the poop and pee close to them. You’re also having them go every 30 minutes or 1 hour.
A few suggestions about your specific situation. 1. The more you “kinda” potty train, the longer it’s going to take. It’s confusing for kids when you’re only trying once or twice a day. They don’t learn their bodies that way. We had the most success with our kid when we just decided we were done with diapers. I know I could’ve trained her at 2 if I actually gave it my full attention. We did no diapers during the day and no diapers at nap. We still do night diapers but honestly they’ve only been wet maybe twice this month. We also did diapers on an eight-hour road trip, but again, still dry. 2. About her fear, poop is a big thing. It took a long time for our kid. Pantless and leaving her alone is what eventually worked (full disclosure, she did poop on the floor and even step on it before she figured it out). Bring her in the bathroom when you poop. Have her sit on hers while you sit on yours. But giving kids a little privacy can go a long way. There’s an entire chapter in the book about poop if you’re interested in checking it out.

Well first off, if nothing works, she might just not be ready, so whatever you do, don't push it too far, it won't help.
If she's using a normal toilet with one of the adapters, consider getting one that can go in her room or wherever shes more comfortable. It kinda kicks the can down the road, because you'll probably have similar troubles shifting to the actual toilet, but it means she's actively reinforcing the potty training and not holding it in if it works.
Pretending to use the toilet yourself could reassure her that it's safe, too.
Good luck!
- Good points!
  If she’s using a normal toilet with one of the adapters, consider getting one that can go in her room or wherever shes more comfortable.
  Uno reverse card on my side: the portable ones didn't work, my kids wanted to go on the normal toilet! 😅
  I guess, my point is, whatever you're doing, try the other way.

She could just be learning about autonomy and figuring out ways to express that. My kid (4, just as stubborn as his papa) still does this from time to time, and it's frustrating - I just remind him that holding it in can make things hurt, and that we want to avoid accidents. Forming the habit of going potty before bedtime is paramount, don't let that go.
Alternatively, I wonder if she had a particularly bad/painful experience and is now scared something like that might happen again. If this sounds plausible, and you and your partner haven't seen it, maybe try asking the daycare if she has tried using the potty and if there were negative experiences.

My advice is yeah maybe she’s just not quite ready yet. There’s only so far encouragement will take her, she has to want to for herself. My eldest is now fully autonomous, but it did take another year after that initial 2-2.5yo curiosity for the drive to be there to go themself. Just make sure the option is there for her, be there to help, they dont need rewards, stickers etc. being nice about the messes and gentle reassurance without pressure is the best thing you can do for them! Good luck!

If it hurts, they won't want to do it. We started giving her PEG (small dose) once a day to make the experience better.

6 comments