Skip Navigation
Autism @lemmy.world
x4740N @lemm.ee

How did you become independent after living with parents all your life?

Currently living with parents but I'd like to know how to become independent so I can fall back on that knowledge in future

If location is relevant, I live in Australia

21 comments

  • I mean, independence is just doing things for yourself. Even if you're living with parents, you can start with these things:

    • cooking your own meals
    • buying your own food
    • washing up the items you've used for cooking and eating
    • washing your own clothes
    • keeping your room clean

    Bonus if you start doing some of these for your parents, too. I'm sure they'll appreciate it!

  • The fact that you live here in Australia means I actually have relevant information for once, yay!

    I work in individual support through the NDIS. That is the National Disability Insurance Scheme. It has been praised internationally as a wonderful tool for meeting the needs of people without telling them exactly what they have to do. This means it is very flexible and able to meet needs you may not consider, like helping you connect your internet and electricity after moving.

    For example, I work with a young autistic person who mostly gets help with dishes, vacuuming, shopping, and dealing with awkward and difficult social issues like returning things to a store for a warranty replacement.

    Another people I have worked with just didn't have the skills to manage dealing with learning to drive. We spent a few weeks of 2 hours twice a week on driving. He got his license and is driving now.

    Obviously your needs are unique and honestly there are almost definitely things that you don't know are needs because it simply has not come up yet, everyone has those. Getting into a situation that is a bit of a stretch for you, something you find challenging but not dire and awful, can be very useful for increasing your skills. If nothing else the challenge of living alone would help you learn about yourself and figure out what you like, what you dislike, what is easy, what is hard, and how to recruit help.

    If you have a diagnosis of autism regardless of level you should be able to get some support. If it is level 2 you will get lots and lots of support. The NDIS is absolutely awesome and you can really get tailored support in ways I would not have considered a couple of years ago. Good luck!

  • This might not work for everybody’s abilities but this is what I’d recommend:

    • Get a steady income, even if it’s not work you love or want to spend your life doing. Health insurance coverage is helpful, and getting your own through work may be your cheapest and most useful option (location depending).

    • Get a car/truck/van or whatever vehicle that can get you around, hopefully for cheap (may not apply if you live in a big city). Get insurance on it.

    • Find a residence such as an apartment or even a house, hopefully for cheap but not too cheap. Get insurance on it.

    • Separate your parents from your bank accounts, credit cards, etc. and get your own. [EDIT: also get ahold of your birth certificate, social security card, personal IDs, etc., and put them in a waterproof and fireproof safety box and keep this in your possession]

    • Get your own cell phone, cell plan, and internet plan.

    • Know where you can get groceries and know at least some basic meal prep and cooking.

    • Know how to do your laundry. If you don’t have a washer and dryer in your residence, find a laundromat.

    • Budget all of the above. If you will be paying rent, this will probably be the biggest consumer of your income, so use the frequency of rent payments as your unit span of time to budget for (ex. monthly). You want to try to end each month with more money than you had at the start of the month, so you want to spend less than you earn.

    • Find some way to socialize, to be part of a community, and to be physically active without your parents making you (I’m still working on this one).

    • Keep good hygiene and cleanliness for yourself and your home. You have to do the sweeping and cleaning now, and you have to keep your schedule with appointments for dentists, doctors, etc.

    • Expect for things to go sideways sometimes. Your car might break down and cost a fortune to fix, you might lose your job, your home might flood, etc. “Independent” isn’t an absolute. Friends and family are important to have as contacts so we can help each other out when these rare big problems occur.

  • I went to college and lived in dorms - and had to pay an increasing portion of my expenses until I was paying all of them. The result was working 2 jobs and attending school full time. When I graduated during the .com bust, I sent 300 resumes out and finally landed a job that paid me enough to live without 7 roommates. So, in my case, the trick was having at least 1 job that could pay my expenses.

  • I wish I had a good answer... most of my life, I was raised by a single parent. I love my mom, but she's no doubt also on the spectrum, and she was incredibly overprotective and wasn't the best at managing her emotions. After I turned 18 and started community college, I really pushed for my independence. She didn't do too well with this and was constantly telling me I wasn't allowed to leave without her permission and set an arbitrary curfew for me. I pushed back, she got super upset, changed the locks on me one day, and I was forced to live in my car (until I totalled it), friends' floors, and eventually a small shelter specifically for people struggling with mental health issues. I really hated that shelter since it was rigid and I had no privacy... I learned independence to survive. I'm in my 30s, living in my own, and I feel I'll always be playing catch up. I wasn't taught how to handle different life obstacles well or how to navigate my intense emotions, especially when it came to friendships, relationships, and work-life.

    We're semi-fortunate to have the internet and access to large amounts of information. I leverage it constantly to help me figure out and understand how to solve problems in my life. Obviously, research is important and not acting impulsively (not the easiest). For your question, I think figuring out what specific things you'd like to plan or research would be helpful!

  • You just have to force yourself to do it.

    Apply for the jobs, interview, go to job and get money.

    Every day I want to die but at least i am independent.

  • Basically you just get a job in some way. I became a programmer and thus earned enough money to afford an apartment by myself. And then I just did that.

    Most western countries also have some kind of social safety net. Dunno about Australia. But most often they wouldn't force you to live with your parents if you lose your job.

21 comments