What the hell does it mean to talk like a woman?

Some idiot told me that I don't talk like a woman, that I talk like a man. Not that my voice sounds masculine (it doesn't) but that I "use masculine words or phrases" what the fuck does that even mean?

If there's a better community to post this please let me know and I'll delete this and post it again there.

Edit: They aren't a man, they're a woman. She definitely gave off the JK Rowling TERF vibes though.

18 comments

I'm guessing you have the audacity to speak more directly and unapologetically. For example, if you were at the table and you needed the salt, a stereotypical polite man way to say it would be "Pass the salt, please." And a stereotypical woman way might be "sorry, can you pass the salt, please?"
I'm not sure how deep this person's thoughts go, but she might be expecting some more "squee," cutesy or baby type phrases, said with a higher pitch instead of speaking with fewer qualifiers in a flatter tone.
- Men on average seem more aggressive, more willing to interrupt, more direct, less apologetic, and less expressive and do less emotional labor. They also demand more physical space, and are much more willing to take or move into women's physical space.
  These are traits and behaviors that might make someone feel you're more "masculine" - but these are traits women can embody as well, as ZDL points out, it's not an essence. While some of it probably relates to our biology (which is more varied and complex than most realize), a lot of the behavior is from social programming, e.g. based on the social norms around us and the way we are raised as kids and so on.
  Still, someone might think a woman is "masculine" or "butch" for behaving "like a man". That's just the social context we live in, how gender is manifesting.
  
  Better said than me. Noticed this type of thing even more blatant during my career progression in a male-dominated field.

Means you met a moron.
- Correct answer.

Not sure where you're located, but maybe he was expecting the fundie baby voice instead of, you know, a person. My guess is that he's insecure, and any woman who speaks with a modicum of confidence threatens his fragile masculinity.

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I think I "talk like a woman" and in certain areas make a conscious effort not to. Women tend to use more qualifiers and are less definite in their statements. I will be 100% right and still say "I think" or "maybe". It's the whole confident women are bossy women thing. It's not true at all, but there's still so much of that mentality.
They were probably just trying to say something offensive, but if it means anything it's likely just that you're confident and knowledgeable, because thanks to misogyny that's what we think men sound like and not what we think women sound like. Take it as a compliment if anything. It's possible you were just being effortlessly correct lol. And obviously that's what women sound like if you're a woman and that's what you sound like.
- Ayup. Anybody who uses this "you talk like a man/woman" thing today is ignorant and likely using it to put you down.

Stereotypes don't help anyone. You just do you

There is a pseudo-scientific bullshit theory (that even has software tools available for it!) that purports that women and men communicate differently and thus can be identified by their writing style.
Masculine: Common stereotypes suggest that "masculine" writing is direct, assertive, action-focused, and uses more articles and concrete nouns.
Feminine: "Feminine" writing is said to be more personal, relational, emotional, and uses more pronouns and social words.
These ideas have deep roots in Western linguistic and literary criticism. Early 20th-century linguists like Otto Jespersen claimed women’s writing was less logical or innovative. Later studies found some statistical differences (sentence length, pronoun use), but these are small and often over-interpreted.
Basically it's sexist, non-scientific bullshit based on the typical problems of social "science" studies: too-small sample sets, often within a single culture and, indeed, a very specific small sub-culture (to wit: middle-class white American university students). Real studies by competent practitioners note that people can write in different voices depending on context, and that most "gendered" writing is cultural performance and conformance to norms around them. The notion of writing "like a woman" or "like a man" is mostly just a product of cultural stereotypes (and I'd go so far as to say white supremacist stereotypes) and, historically, pseudo-scientific thinking, all rooted in Western (or more specifically American) norms. While some statistical linguistic differences do actually exist, they are minor, context-dependent, and not inherently tied to gender.
The proper conclusion the data supports is that writing style is flexible, shaped by audience, purpose, and social context-not by biology or any essential "masculine" or "feminine" essence.

My Reply to him: What a fking stupid thing to say, men never fail to surprise me with their stupidity.
- Her friend that made the comment was a woman. See the edit.

- Hi mate! Thanks for dropping in but we're a woman only community so I've had to politely ban you. Have a good week 😃
- Hi Dr Bob! Thanks for stopping by but we're a women's only community. All the best 😊

Ah, I know. You didn't giggle enough. Or something.
- Yes some hair tossing would have helped. Also phrases like "don't ask me, I'm just a girl!"

I'd wager that he was an insecure child and felt threatened by you for some reason
He's probably dumb, and resents that you aren't.

18 comments