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How can we keep women safe? women's only community

women's only community please only comment if you identify as female or non binary

Far more adult women are murdered by adult men than vice versa. Women are high risk for violence and sexual abuse. We often face bullying at work.

What would help women's safety?

20 comments
  • The big one for me is to raise men properly.

    Just as a side note, but there is a point to it, when I pass by my compound's little park, there's always a bunch of children (12 and under) playing. And I always laugh at how the girls are some of the most vicious when it comes to competitive activities with the boys. Whether it's ball games or just roughhousing the girls are in the thick of things, swinging fists, throwing stuff, even kicking with gay abandon when things get rough.

    But a handful of years later this is not the case. Something between the ages of 12 and 18 (which is where I got them when I was teaching) transformed them utterly into these meek, non-physical, non-confrontational people.

    The way almost all societies are right now, women are raised to serve others (husbands, yes, but also society) and boys are barely raised at all, allowed instead to effectively run wild. ("Boys will be boys.") This means that we're raised to be wives, but they aren't raised to be husbands. (For the situation, natch, where we have "traditional" nuclear pairing.)

    We need to change the culture. We need to raise boys to be functional elements of society. We need to instill in them the expectation that they too serve: their wives and society at large. All the other solutions to the violence against women situation are temporary stopgaps (though obviously still desirable): easily accessed shelters, better economic support, reproductive rights, easily accessed (and attentive) mental health support, etc. But for something that is effective in the long term we need a change at the societal level, and it needs to begin with the men.

  • As usual, the first thing I wonder is whether there are any studies on this, what the empirical evidence has to say ... lots of the violence happens in the context of families (romantic partners, but also fathers, uncles, etc.). There are cultural, social, psychological, and biological factors in play, and there are ways to improve on all of those fronts.

    Here are a few I would care to see:

    1. more women would leave abusive households (and thus avoid the worse outcomes that follow from not leaving) if they had economic freedom to do so, to that end feminist movements like "wages for housework" in the past have tried to address this, and the idea of "wages for students" and universal basic income have been suggested as a way to give women financial freedom from their abusers
    2. abortion rights, without abortion rights complications during pregnancies can lead to the deaths of women, e.g. hospitals won't remove a dead fetus inside the mother, it turns septic and kills the mother as well - this is the reality right now in places like Texas
    3. find ways to reduce the alcohol lobby and grip on society, alcohol is often a factor when men abuse women - sure, outlawing it failed, but we forget one the motivations for Prohibition were women agitating to end a cause of violence from men
    • I like all these ideas. However, they are all just bandaids for a core human issue.

      I would add that men's culture would need to fundemtally change too. I think it's happening slowly, however the resurgence of regressive ideas by young people worries me. But in order for men's culture to change for the positive, men need to be calling out other men -while also holding eachother up in support, teaching our son's better, and providing mental health support both in a professional manner but also familially, or nothing is going to fundemtally change.

      Unfortunately I don't think we, as non men, can do much for this. Men must do the heavy lifting and teach/support eachother. Ultimately women beating (speaking on what I know about which is domestic violence) is often just scared cowardice and helplessness; fear turned to aggression as they assert control of their situation in the shittiest way possible. I clean my house spotless when I feel helplessness anxiety. A man with domestic violence as his uh, coping skill, seeks to take out his bullshit on others. Men gotta empower themselves so they feel strong enough inside about themselves as to not feel the need to exert power over others.

      Im rambling. Idk if domestic violence will ever become a thing of the past. I do know other than protecting myself, and doing my best to raise an emotionally intelligent son, there isn't much I can do to help them, personally.

20 comments