Struggling a bit with an emotionally hard weekend
Struggling a bit with an emotionally hard weekend
This weekend was a hard one, one of the hardest in a while.
My partner is always so supportive, and she got to have fun with another girl on Saturday night.
When we talked about it afterwards, she felt that she had been able to relieve a sapphic itch that had been sitting there.
From that it came out with the complexity she feels surrounding myself, having known me as a cis male before the egg started cracking earlier in the year.
Recently we'd been playing around with caged chastity rather than just through orgasm control. To her that was more of a sissy thing, so neutral/male leaning into femme presentation. I liked the cage, not sure I even want to look at it right now.
When we were sitting in the hotel room she talked me through an experiment. I was in my lingerie and she had me close my eyes, move in front of the mirror, drop my panties and then open them looking at myself, with my lingerie hem pulled up a bit.
My instinct was to look away, to dislike what I saw hanging there... to want to hide it.
I asked for her help going to Victoria's Secret yesterday, got measured for a bra... and bought two... wanting to give some shape and form to my chest.
Not sure why I'm writing this tbh, other than to express myself a little to the void in the safety of strangers.
Going to talk to a gender support line when they open later in the afternoon... for now I'm hiding under a blanket cuddling Blahaj and occasionally crying.
Hey, you've been through a lot emotionally this past weekend. Consider some self care and down time. As for the gender stuff, try to listen to yourself and your needs, and go from there. Good idea reaching out to the gender clinic line. I hope everything works out for you and you come out of this with a better understanding of yourself as a whole.
Have an introductory session with a therapist on Thursday now...
I'm approaching my twelve year anniversary with my wife who was with me through transition. Your partner needing time to reframe and reunderstand you as a person is normal and part of the process. You have to be patient with each other. This is a massive change for her and her life too.
Personally, I suggest focusing on more casual, low stakes feminine existence. This is someone you spend time with. Show her your natural self, your normal mind, your zen, and she will see you for the woman you are. Getting fitted at VS and chastity are both very dramatic and pointed. They don't contain an intimate reflection of your feminine self. Maybe go thrift store shopping for regular clothing together. It's very free form and casual. It allows you to sculpt and show more of who you are. Involve her in the process so she can know you deeply and completely as a woman.
Important context here, my partner is a trans woman herself so understands much of my current headspace. She's also my dominant in a dynamic, the caging was more linked to that at first. We share a lot of our clothing these days, we're the same size in that... she's just taller than me. I've been dressing femme for a few months now after initially coming out as fluid... that's normal to us...
Tbh that doesn't really matter. She may be able to get where she's going faster because of her own experiences, but any dramatic personal change in a romantic partner can take time and effort to process. She has to sort out the part of her life where she thought she had a boyfriend. Even even you understand it, retconning part of your life is a trippy process. A few months is very little time for a major life change like this. You're still finding yourself, and I'm sure she's trying hard to keep up with where and who you are. Idk how long you've been together/known each other overall, but this is a new chapter for the two of you that has kind of just started. Once you've found your zen, your normal mind, she'll be there for you before anyone else can.