It's true what they say: Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano; sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside.

I couldn't believe it was her, it was like a dream. But there she was, just as I remembered her. That delicately beautiful face. And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room. And breasts that seemed to say..."Hey! Look at these!" She was the kind of woman who made you want to drop to your knees and thank God you were a man! Yeah. She reminded me of my mother alright, no doubt about it.

Like a midget at an urinal, I had to stay on my toes.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit eating Drano

I always knew Riker had a drinking problem.