Are you ok (really, are you)?

No.
- Same

Of course not. I'm a millennial on anti-depressants, working a zero-hours contract job with no hope of ever owning property in my lifetime, living in a developed country with solved problems but a populace too spiteful to ever implement the solutions.
- I'm in the same boat and at this rate I feel like my retirement is with Remington
  
  The hair care one right?

Nope, not ok.
Doctors told me I have autism a year ago, I told my family, they thought I was delusional and insane and tried to force me into a mental asylum in the middle of nowhere.
Got all my stuff, put it in my car... got mugged, car got stolen, spent a year homeless. Credit ruined, everything I have ever owned is gone, and the best part was all the rest of my friends and family either didnt believe me when I told them what was happening to me, thought I was insane... or were too busy to handle all my drama right now.
At least I can write on lemmy I guess.
- I wish there was more I could do for you than just sit here and talk to you.
  
  Well, thanks!
  I would do a Go Fund Me or something like that but I am too worried they would find me.
- How does it go from "the doctor's tell me I have autism" to "you're delusional and insane"? That can't be the only thing that happened, I mean that you told your family?
  
  My father is a delusional QTard who believes that Tom Hanks' son kills eats and rapes children for adrenochrome, believes that ANTIFA did Jan 6th, and took great pride in showing me where and how he assembles firearms without serial numbers. Also he drank and drove so much he had to have an interlock device on his car for 7 years.
  My brother, who I was living with, barely passed high school as he was spending all his time going to raves, doing so much MDMA/Ecstasy that he gave himself Serotonin Shock Syndrome, believes Shadow People are real, believes he can see peoples 'auras', was constantly pressuring me into doing hallucinogenic mushrooms, and believes it is funny to gaslight his schizoeffective girlfriend by telling her that everything that she did or said to him in the past 30 minutes /did not actually happen/, and then go 'haha just kidding, love you babe smooch'
  My mother has a neurological disorder, spent her childhood doing any random drugs anyone would hand her on the street, and just generally speaking has the emotional and intellectual capacity of an 8 year old.
  I would go on but I think you get the idea.
  Quite literally by the time I was a preteen I was placed into an advanced education track at my middle school, and would come home to my entire family having insane emotional breakdowns and fights with each other all the time, and I actually just went online and to the library, learned basic psychology and would have to stop all their arguments via de escalation and leading group therapy sessions, basically everyday, until I gave up and just moved the family computer into my room and put headphones on.
  Took me 34 years and nearly dying many times now to realize my family has always been completely insane, and they are incapable of changing.

I must be one of the few people on this platform who is genuinely okay and doing all right.

Honestly, not really. I experienced something traumatic on Christmas eve of 2017 and have never completely recovered. I'll probably never get back to where I was before that.
It really used to be my favorite day of the year but now it's just raw and awful and I have to keep up appearances so I'm not a miserable person to be around. I really don't want to be that way, I'm generally a pretty easygoing, easy to get along with kinda guy so I hate the shift that I make.
- I'm sorry to hear. Have you tried talking to your family/friends about it? I'm sure they would be understanding and try to help you the way I wish I could.
  
  I've talked to some friends about it, but honestly it's probably ground I need to tread with a therapist. I thought I had a good handle on it but this year has been particularly tough for some reason.
  Thank you, though, I appreciate the sentiment!

Yes and no.
Like, am I stressed as fuck? Yes. Am I fed and housed also yes.
- I hope things get better for you.

I'm actually doing really well (but I'm getting some survivor's guilt from that)
- Yeah same. A lot of people are not doing well with the economy being down. I've encountered a lot of people looking for work. I'm sure it'll get better by this time next year.
- Its not your fault. I don't know what you've been through, but it's not your fault.
  
  He killed his entire family

Sadly not. I still have no friends, and no one to talk to. I recently escaped from being literal forced labor for a gang, and am now trying to put life back together without telling my family.
My family are all very catholic, and they'd want my head on a stick if they knew I was stuck working for a gang, despite it being against my will.
Christmas is gonna be hard, because I'll have to resist the urge to let out those emotions, as they're the only people I talk to. Still looking for a good friend :(
- I don't have a great relationship with my family, so it makes it even harder around christmas times. I'm a paranoid introvert in need of friends, and trust is hard to come by, so stress builds up until I freak out because I have no one to share any ideas or life stories with. No one to keep me level headed and make sure I'm okay, and no one for me to care about. Still looking for that one good friend to come along...

I'm not OK. I'm not super un-OK, but this time of year puts me in a dark mood.
I promise I'm not trying to be edgy in saying this, but I fucking HATE the holidays. Everybody puts so much pressure on things being a certain way, especially because it's a religious holiday. I'm atheist, my mom is catholic, my dad is Jewish but agnostic, and my husband's family is some sort of Protestant. I wish I could treat it like a secular holiday, but my mom wants me to go to mass with her, my MIL wants us all to sing carols (fucking why, life isn't a Hallmark movie!), and a polite "no thanks" doesn't cut it, so no matter what I do I'm disappointing someone. I've gotta negotiate with both sides as to whose house we're visiting on each day, and I just don't know.... Every year the stress just gets to me, I can't wait for the holidays to be over. I count down the days until the 26th. The cold weather and lack of sun don't help either.
Also. I just turned 42 this week. Every birthday I've ever had has been xmas-flavored - I can't escape it even for one day. I have a labral tear and femoroacetabular impingement in my right hip which need to be fixed surgically and have been making it really hard to squat and deadlift. And despite being diligent with sun protection, my dermatologist removed yet another mole - this one came back as "moderately precancerous" and they need to do a larger excision. She also suggested I get laser treatments to remove a few age spots on my face. I feel like I'm too young for any of this shit.
I just want a pause button.
- Fuck December. You're a champion. This will suck but you'll make it through. Look at all you're already managing successfully. Just bc it's not easy, doesn't mean you're not doing a fantastic job
  
  Thanks friend :)
- Happy birthday! I hope your hip can be fixed up.
  
  Thanks!
- I feel you on hating the holidays. I get so little time off of work that I just want to relax, but the expectations of the holidays make it near impossible. I have 4 siblings and they all have 2-3 kids and them and my mom always try to plan something for Christmas. The problem is we all live at least 4 hours away from each other. It is a logistical nightmare. This year I finally put my foot down and told my family I'm not doing that this year. I also told them not to get anything for my kids because honestly getting presents for 11 nieces and nephews is getting ridiculous. I even told my mom not to come visit because I just can't deal with her histrionic personality disorder right now. Of course, I couldn't put it that way, but to my surprise she actually listened for once.
  I do still have to deal with my wife's family coming over, because apparently me saying I don't want to do anything for Christmas means I'm find with doing Christmas stuff on December 23rd. However, beside my wife stressing about making our house completely spotless, her family coming over isn't that bad. They will come over for like half a day and go home, and there is never any drama.
  Stay strong, the 26th is only a few days away.
  
  Oh man I sympathize so hard with you. Histrionic moms are the worst because they make everything about them. But good for you for putting your foot down! Hang in there dude.

Just got the news last week that my dad, who was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer in October, might have 5-7 months left. Plus my mom is slowly dying from COPD. I’m trying to stay positive and spend what might be the last Christmas we get with them. But to say I’m not feeling the happy new year vibes is an understatement. Only death and more depression coming in 2024.
- I'm sorry for you. Spend what time you have left with them, make memories, it's better to have loved them than not at all. I wish you the best.

My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me on Sunday, she’s the love of my life (have known each other far longer than 2 years). We have a child together, I don’t know what to do about it.
I’m trying to talk to her and discuss how we can work through it, I don’t know if it’s going to work.
Keep your fingers crossed for me I guess?
I also haven’t eaten or slept properly since, I’m starving but I can’t actually put food in my mouth.
- Firstly, you need to eat and sleep, you can't solve anything if you don't have the energy for it. Make it simple like some soup or chicken. Your girlfriend might need some space or time to think, be patient with her. At the very least, keep goog terms with her and agree to take care of the kid, even if you don't live together.
  
  I’ve done all of this as best I can, but I’m struggling with the eating and sleeping. I’m doing my best though.
- Sometimes things just fall apart. Do you mourn her, or do you mourn her love more?
  If it's her, then I hope you guys can work something it out.
  If you mourn her love, then I think you're feeling the loss of a shared future you had planned together. This hurts hard, I know, but will get better with time once you realise that you mourn the idea of her. You can and will find that with someone else, and then she will just be your ex that you have fond memories with, who you see once a week to pick up the kids, whilst you build a new future with your new partner.
  
  It’s her I miss, beyond any doubts. I’m fighting like hell to work something out, but also trying to give her some space, it’s difficult finding the right balance between the two.

My mom died a week and a half ago. So no.
- Here's a song for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dj1oVX_ymEU
- Sorry to hear about your loss. My parents died just before Xmas a few years ago. Would you like to tell us about her?

Fuck no, I have 4 years of industry experience and my industry is basically falling apart. I haven't been able to find work since March. Even construction labour jobs requiring no experience wont call me back. If I cant make something work soon I might just decide to french kiss an electrical socket.
Update:
I found a job. It does not pay that well but its in my industry and there are great individual liberties that come with the job. It took 18 months, getting EI, running out of EI, and being forced to throw out/sell a bunch of my stuff and rent out my home to overcome this. If I were most other people without the support system I have available to me, I'd be fucking homeless. Fuck the status quo.
- Please don't do that. I know it would be hard to, but maybe try looking for a different carrer path if you can. Just don't give up, please.
  
  The horror isn't in killing yourself, the horror is living in hell so that other people can feel good that you're suffering instead of dead.
- Unless you are in retail, this is the worst time of year for find work. Just wait until everyone gets back in the office after the new year and you should see a lot more opportunities and responses. Just hold on man.
  
  Since March.

How are you, OP?
- I'm right as rain, but how are you?
  
  Expects everyone else to open up - gives you a canned answer.
  Kidding OP; some sympathy can go a long way so this was nice of you.

No, but that's ok

2023 has been a calamity for me. I lost my best friend and business partner to cancer in March. Then, the mourning. The burnout. The psychologist. The antidepressants.
I then had a diverticulitis, ended up at the hospital. I reacted badly to an antidepressant, ended up at the hospital. Had a problematic mole in my lower back, got it removed, sent it to biopsy... Didn't remove enough, remove the rest, and the wound isn't healing properly and got infected.
Just since Halloween, I started coughing with lots of secretion, until my asthma came back first time in 15 years, and I coughed so hard for a month and a half, I ended up cracking a rib.
Then I got an acute middle ear infection, that lasted 2 weeks, the pain was excruciating.
Now, I still can't hear from that ear it's clogged. I stopped coughing. My antidepressant is doing an ok job.
I just want a break from life. I had to take 2 weeks off work completely early in December for my physical and mental health. First time I have to do that in my life.
- Fuck, that sounds like a ridiculous amount of shite. Hopefully life balances out just up ahead.
- I'm really sorry you're having such a shitty time, that's a whole lot to deal with. I hope things improve for you!

No. I drink every other day at least (not wasted, but a good buzz), I have no friends anymore cause they've all got familes and responsibilities, or they've left the frozen wasteland that is northern Canada. I'm 30 and I live with my mom and brother cause she works part time and couldn't afford to live on her own, and I couldn't afford to live on my own either even though I make $22 an hour, which also means no decent woman would consider coming anywhere near me. My mom is amazing but it fucking sucks being a 30 year old man and having a room right across from her.
My rent went from 1800 in 2017-2022 for a 3 bedroom to 3 fucking grand for a much worse 3 bedroom because we got renovicted from our old place. The new landlord is basically a slum lord, no doorknob on the downstairs bathroom, no heat in my room, no fan and mold growing in the upstairs bathroom, toilets that clog constantly, shit insolation in a city that can get as cold as - 40C during the dead of winter, no door at all on my brothers room, lots of garbage left in the backyard from the previous tenant that was supposed to be removed by the landlord within a week of moving in (now a year and a half later) and a shit local government that just a month ago gave subsidies to landlords as an apology for rent control being implemented.
On top of that it feels like the world is moving increasingly towards fucking people near the bottom of society like me more and more as I get older. I have basically no hope left. I work my ass off at every job I have, rarely it pays off with promotions and small raises, but I've yet to get a truly good increase that raises my standard of life significantly. I try my best, I truly do. One of the few things I can be proud of is that I'm consistently known as a great worker, but it's a roll of the dice whether you're gonna get a boss that values that or just tries to take advantage of your work ethic. Feels like no matter how hard I try, I can't move forward. I get a better job with more money? Oh rent has massively gone up, groceries and gas have gone up, fucking everything has gone up in price. I get more money and every fucking greedy piece of shit has their hands out demanding more money for the essentials of life so I just languish in permenant fucking mediocrity.
I've gained 30 lbs over the last year due to drinking and depression, I built an awesome new pc last year but I barely use it for more than watching videos cause nothing gives me joy anymore. I used to at least be able to get some amount of joy out of playing games, but now nothing makes me happy. I literally wish I could get cancer so that I can die free of guilt. I'm not suicidal, I could never do that to my parents and brother. But every day I wish something would happen that takes me out of my miserable existence. I hate the world and I hate my pathetic fucking life.
- life sucks, i feel it too. Not the best person to give advice, but wishing you good days ahead internet stranger
  
  Thanks friend, I appreciate the sentiment and I wish the best for you as well!

No. Crippling anxiety and depression for over 15 years. I feel my life is ruined, and I see no light at the end of the tunnel.
- Look back at the last 10 years. Could you have predicted the world now back then? The rise of fascism, the breakout of AI, Drones, Solar PV, Corona,...
  Go back further 20 years. Could you have predicted the world as it was 10 years ago, back then? The internet, pirating everything, housing and bank crisis, 9/11.
  My point is, the future is always is in flux. Lots of terrible things are going to happen. Lots of good things are also going to happen. Things are going to get better and worse at the same time.

No. My life is shit and nothing can make it slightly better. At this point I do dumb shit and create messes for myself just to spice it up, otherwise it’s the same boring, sad, routine
- What kind of dumb shit do you do?

For the first time in years....yeah, I'm OK.
I've got my husband, and I've got in-laws who love me, and my friends and the members of my family who still talk to me recognize that I like having g small, quiet holidays so they haven't forced me to attend any huge superspreader events.
Tonight I'm buying ingredients for gingerbread cookies which I haven't made since I was like 7, and I'm going to make my dad's snickerdoodle recipe now that, after over a decade of tears and estrangement, he's accepted the fact that I'm trans.
Things are nice. They're not perfect, no, but they're nice.
- Hey that’s awesome! I’m happy for you and I hope you have a great holiday and beyond!
- I'd be interested in that snickerdoodle recipe if you feel like sharing :)
  I'm glad you're doing better. Found family is still family, but it sure is nice when the one you're born into accepts who you are.

I have no family and no friends. Just sleep through Christmas Day. Pretend like it's not happening.
And this guy usually live streams on holidays so he gets lonely people through depressing holidays.
- I don't have friends but I do have family. Being one of the few who actually make Christmas happen it's not fun anymore. Christmas isn't fun it's work and then it's a whole bunch of complaining from ungrateful family. I just keep telling myself the same lie my parents told themselves and say it's all for the kids but it's not. I don't even really know what it's for anymore.
  
  Yeah as soon as I became an adult I realized how much work Christmas was. Not fun, not magical, just work. So I stopped doing christmas. Holidays are supposed to be about recreation and enjoying life. So now I do whatever I want.

Not really, but since I'm not going to find any solutions here and people have it worse, I'll leave it at that.
- Sometimes it can help to talk about it even if solutions aren't found! But that's your choice either way obviously 💕
- It does not matter if others have it worse. It makes no difference if you are drowning in 2m or 10m of water, you are still drowning. don't belittle your struggle! Talking about problems gives us the ability to think things through and catalyses change. i wish you the very best!

No, but thanks for asking. I haven't been 'okay' in 9+ years.
- I hope it will get better for you.

Probably the closest I've been in 15 years at least. Antidepressants have been a miracle for me
- That’s fucking awesome. Stoked for you!
- Isn't it the best when the meds work?
  
  It really is. It's funny, I was already dealing with my issues in healthy ways apparently, not that it felt like it helped at the time. When I was going through the intro sessions with my therapist and I was talking about my past and my issues, etc, I would describe an annoying behavior I don't really like that I would use to work around myself and get hit with the "no, that's good, that's adaptive" and thinking about it that way it starts to make sense how I'm still alive. Anyways now with the meds, I no longer need half those things and can actually work on fixing the causes, rather than use behavioral work arounds

Lately when someone asks me if I'm okay, my response is something akin to, "I'll neve be okay again, but I'm alive so I guess I'll suffer through it."
My life has never been particularly bad, I've always had people around me that tell me they love me and care about me, but very rarely act that way. Throughout it all I've always found someone to lean on that actually shows some level of concern, but as I get older, those people have drifted away from me, physically and sentimentally.
I've never felt more alone in life than I do now, even with a person or two that might actually care, I know they have their own lives that take precedent over me, and thus I will end up alone anyway.
I can't do anything to fix it, because factually, I can't do anything right or commendable. Even when I'm doing things I've done flawlessly in the past, I find a way to screw up somehow and make my whole life worse, and my support network (what little there is) shrinks every day.
So I'm stuck in place, crying myself to sleep every night, hoping to whatever people call 'God,' that I won't wake up. Then I cry even harder because there are people and things that I care about more than myself, but which I will never be able to do anything for.
I refuse to kill myself because of my sentimental debt to them, but if I can do nothing to help or honor them, then why shouldn't I just end it all, and hope that fate treats them better than it has me? If I'm doing nothing right by being alive, what does it matter if I'm dead?
I hate the world, and generally, but not in totality, I hate people. I hate my life and I hate myself to the very absolute core of my existence. I just want all the pain to end.
- Factually is a strong word.

It's funny because it seems like the universe is saying, "Hey Slurpee. Why don't you become an alcoholic? It'll be fun." Not that I drink habitually or a lot. It just seems alcohol is being pushed everywhere I go.
Work sucks because I have to do it. I imagine all the shit I'd have time to do if I didn't have to work, both things I need to do and want to do. When I get done with work for the day, I feel too traumatized to do anything. So I put myself on autopilot until I can turn the world off and go to bed.
I got a bit of satisfaction last week when I went to an event where I got to sit on a chair and do nothing for an hour. And that's all that was expected of me.
Oh, and a bucket of hammers from lemmygrad called me a Nazi, which would be laughable if they weren't so serious about their "beliefs".

I'm much better after having negotiated a 4 day workweek AND a pay rise for myself, effective next year. Quite the christmas present.
- Oooh I'm jealous, congratulations!
  
  Thanks :)

I'm a mix of OK and not-OK.
The good: I'm excited with Xmas + New Years' Eve. It's just family but I always get hyped up. Learning how to paint oil on canvas. Got nice gifts for my family, "nice" not as "expensive" but as "things that they'll enjoy".
The bad: lots of things to do. Juggling the will of five people and two cats for the festivities, as I'm the one cooking most of it. (Yes, the cats will get treats. Yoghurt for one, shredded chicken breast for another.) Work is also extra hard those days.
The ugly: I hate summer. Insect thinks that my desk is a love hotel, my feet get swollen, 13:00 and I turn into mush, my cats get more nocturnal so late night/early morning they're "MEOW, MEOW" = "stop sleeping and play with me, stupid human". At a certain point in my life I seriously considered buying a house in the Alps so I didn't need to deal with summers any more.
- I feel you. It's really my first Christmas where I've had to juggle presents, family, and school work. And I agree, summer sucks. But I'm glad that your getting to spend time with your family and cats.

No.

Ok? Yep. Great? Nope.
We had a death in the family a couple months ago and he was our "Santa" who hosted our family Xmas Eve dinner for years. It's gonna be a rough one this year.
How are you holding up, OP?
- I'm doing fine. I'm sorry your santa died. I hope you can still have a good Christmas with your family.

This is the sixth Christmas without Mom.
She was my link to the family. I don’t hear from anyone except my sister and dad. I miss them all.
- Try to reconnect with your family, I'm sure they miss you too.
  
  Thanks for taking a moment to reply. You’re very kind.

I'm as okay as someone can be in a society made to create suffering.

Not really. I'm estranged from my family and this is a hard time of year to be that way, but unfortunately my mother has a personality disorder and thinks people are furniture to be rearranged to her dysfunctional liking. One Christmas she had a psychotic episode and told me it's my fault my brother is gay (because I showed him how to use the internet in the 90s), a fact that makes her insane with rage even though he was gay long before that lol. It's never a happy memory really. And she's apparently doing everything she can to ruin his relationship inch by screaming inch, even though he doesn't talk to me either because he's completely controlled by her, and I feel terrible about how awful she's going to make this holiday for him. He deserves better even if he's spineless and under her thumb, he deserves a chance at life not controlled by her.
Personality disorders are no joke. They ruin lives and destroy relationships. I don't recommend staying in a relationship with someone with one. It's not their fault, but when they cultivate their behaviour you are not safe in a relationship with them. They're dangerous people.
My husband's family is no better, his mother is a narcissist that views family time as a chance to pit her children against each other for the sport of it, and terrorize her only grandchild emotionally. I refuse to go near her.
It's just a lonely time.
- I see you. Hope you can find some peace
  
  Thank you. At least I have a bit of time off and my coworkers were great. Just sad, you know?

Thanks for asking, but I don't have an easy answer to that one.
- It's gonna be ok eventually.
  
  Some things will never be ok. Some things you don't ever want to be ok with. But this too shall pass.

My job treats me worse with new targeted policies on a monthly basis, and my industry has been going through waves of layoffs. I cancelled my trip to see family over the holidays. I am back on antidepressants, but still in the overemotional ramp up period. So I have that going for me.

I'm doing all right, thanks for asking. I have security in knowing no matter how bad I do at my job, nobody else is doing it for less than double what they're paying me.
I wish health insurance wasn't tied to employment. I wish rent wasn't 4x what it was 20 years ago. I wish in& out didn't go and tell their employees they weren't allowed to wear masks at all (outside of California) so I could still enjoy my "at least I'm not in prison burger" by justifying "they're only a little bit religious, and at least they aren't bigots"

Luckily I still have my family, but my parents are conspiracy theorists, my dad especially vocal, so that's not fun. I'm just going to try to avoid the topics.

Meh. First Christmas since my full chronic pain has hit and knowing it's not going away and the issues that arise with it. On the upside, I met with a new pain management doctor today and he actually cared for me. He is switching me from hydrocodone to oxycodone and told me that he is willing to up my dose a lot in the next few months because he doesn't want to see a 26 year old be stuck in his apartment for another year due to pain. So that was a light in a very dark tunnel. As happy as I can be at the moment but my happiness is limited. One of those I'll believe he will help me as much as he says when I see it the next few months. But, the switch is very hopeful in itself. Hopefully next Christmas I'll be able to go on walks longer than one mile without having to deal with the miserable consequences under his pain regimen.
- I hope the best for you.
  
  Thank you, I appreciate it. I hope you have a great holiday
- Have you tried cannabis? Opiates at 26 are a dark road
  
  Yup. I use THC, CBD, and CBG everyday. Trust me, I don't want any of this. But I wouldn't be able to hold a job and be bed ridden without them and as per my neurologist and rheumatologist there isn't any sign that my pain will change for years to come. It's also different when you take them for chronic pain than recreationally. I don't get high off them, I just get pain relief. It's hard to get a high when you're in constant debilitating pain

No, but my ECT doctor is gonna call my psychiatrist about next steps so maybe they can figure something out to try. Fingers crossed!
What about you? Are you okay?
- I'm good, glad that your getting help.

Lost my best friend to an overdose in July, then lost my 15 year old dog on Halloween- a week later, my mother went into the ICU because of missed diagnosis of chronic liver failure, then once she got better, she moved across the planet to another country to live with family for better healthcare and I may never see her again. Then my father disowned me because I said “America sucks” while he was preaching the glory of a MAGA Trump dictatorship- all while I was deeply upset about my mother being sedated and I turned in a hospital bed.
Then my girlfriend lost her job of 6 years.
So….. no. NOT OKAY.

No. I'm not ok. I was doing great until several weeks ago, but things have to have poor timing.
I am lucky to have family that I will be visiting for Christmas. But it's going to be frustrating pretending to be ok the entire time I'm there.
My problems are so insignificant and stupid compared to many here, so I don't wish to elaborate on them.
Good luck to everyone out there this holiday season.
- No matter what your problems are I assure you they aren't insignificant or stupid ❤️

I'm doing great, thanks for asking!

I'm a trainwreck right now.
My grandfather suddenly passed away after a prolonged battle with cancer, multiple strokes, and COVID. It was brutal, he was in so much pain for months. What really hurts is that he was a wonderful person, a source of great joy and insight, and most definitely the person who got me into computers at a young age. My youngest coherent memories are of him, and the loss is exceedingly painful.
My stepfather pointed a loaded gun at my autistic little brother and basically kicked him to the street. My little brother has had his fair share of problems with holding down any kind of job, and can barely take care of himself. He was kicked out of a shelter for a messy living space, and living out of a tent next to a YMCA.
My mom was living in fear for a while, as my stepdad increasingly became more paranoid and violent, to the point that she was no longer allowed to talk to us on the phone if he came home. She managed to give him the slip and take the kids with her to go take care of the grandfather on the other side of the country....but, she's in for a messy divorce.
These three things have kind of converged, and a lot of it is starting to resolve finally, but it's been a massive strain on my mental health and my marriage. I'm barely taking care of myself most of the time, and trying to live with anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation...and all of the fun side effects of trying to treat those things with therapy and medication.
I'm so tired. I'm barely eating. I have six months left in a maintenance squadron before I get out of the military, and all I want to do is scream.
- Let it out. If you can, try to find a place to let out your frustration, keep going to therapy, it does help, talk to your spouse more, do anything to take your mind off of the stress. Take a minute, an hour, a day even if you can and just breath. It get better, and as you said, it's starting to. You just have to push through it.
  
  Thank you. ❤️ I know, and I'm doing my best. It's just my first real experience of dealing with any of this as an adult, and I don't think I've ugly cried harder in my life.
  I'm about to fly East next week, to bury my grandfather. I think it will be good for me, but it hurts to let go of someone that so many of my happy memories stemmed from.
  It's also a horrifying thought to me that this is the logical conclusion of "growing old with someone". One of you is going to go first, and it's going to be the worst pain the other person has ever felt.

My birthday was yesterday. I did nothing because just like every year for some inexplicable reason I feel deeply depressed on my birthday. But it was really sweet that I had some family and at least one friend who remembered and wished me a happy birthday. Honestly I just feel really alone…

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Reading the replies to this post reminded me of The Beatles Eleanor Rigby. And then I thought of "Fight the Power" by Public Enemy for some reason. And then I thought of Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas. And then I thought of Tyler Durden's speech in Fight Club.
https://youtu.be/chyRpj-971o?si=T5-rS3J5YH-7qP0z
- You might like this as well
  http://www.anglo-saxons.net/hwaet/?do=get&type=text&id=Deor
  “That was overcome, so may this be”
  
  Good stuff that, unknown to me previous. Thanks!

I’m alright all things considered. I hope you are ok
- I am, thank you.

Everything outside of my health is great, good relationship with my family, stable situation, generally good attitude towards life, but I got covid in 2021 and now just staying out of bed the whole day is basically impossible. A fun event passes and half the time I just feel completely blank, like having a good friend telling you something you find extremely interesting but you haven't slept for 50 hours. Even watching a movie is just overwhelming and I need to take breaks. I sometimes feel like I'm already dead and I'm just lingering on. Half of my life feels like a dream, 40% feels like I'm just trying to get to tomorrow where I might feel conscious, and 10% feels almost normal. My whole family is excited about Christmas and I'm overwhelmed by the idea of staying out of bed long enough to say hello to my brothers..

The world is going to shit, civilization is going to shit, our scientific progress seems to be constantly hampered, and quite a bit of my expectation that we might get a significative push towards communism this decade has vanished. So yeah, I'm great.
- That last one does genuinely make me feel swell.
  
  Yes, people with lesser minds do tend to feel that way.

I get anxiety every time I go to my parent house. My dad is getting old and I love the dogs there, but I feel like an afterthought for family events unlike my brother from out of the country, who is feted every time he turns up for the holidays. I'm never asked to participate though I used to take some joy in doing desserts for these events. It's just unfortunate that I'll probably be guilted into moving in to taking care of her/ them in the future.

Serious question: what do you intend to do if I’m not? What is this thread for?
- Sometimes just being asked is enough.
- I'm just asking and want people to be honest. If your not, I want to know why and give sympathpy, or empathy and no I don't want praise for giving sympathy.

Fuck if I know. What's "ok" look like anyway?

No, not even remotely. I actually feel worst than ever. But I also feel so paralyzed and hopeless.
- If you aren't already, please get help. Go to a therapist or a family member/friend and talk to them. Find a hobby or something to keep your mind going. It gets better, I promise.
  
  I have done all of this. but thanks for posting this. Somehow venting about this kind of anonymously did more help than anything you just listed.

- We give what we can. I was watching a vid and people were listing out the list of expected stocking stuffers and the excess and crass consumerism was just disgusting. Never mind the actual gifts itself. I guess the thought doesn't matter anymore, unless it has a name brand attached to it.
- Sorry to hear. I wish you the best of luck, and I wish I could do more to help.