Dirt_Owls official 2024 US election predictions

Biden will die of a broken heart after his best friend Corn Pop calls him a dork and Harris by that point will have switched to the republican party.

But what's this? Amy Klobuchar runs for president on the premise that she has the funniest last name and therefore at the very least her presidency would involve people having to say Klob over and over.

But then the most unexpected thing happens. The ghost of Gorbachev of the late Soviet Union literally rises from the grave to declare that he is also running on the same grounds that his name is also fun to say.

Despite being dead and Russian, Gorbachev somehow ends up being Klobuchar's competition for the US presidency. In the first debate, Gorbachev demonstrates how funny he is by gorbling down some Pizza Hut. Klobuchar gets pissed and screams "IT'S KLOBBERING TIME" before colliding with Gorbachev's ghost and a lot of pizza. They fuse and become Klobugorb, the most powerful liberal, and go on the sweep the presidency.

The 4-year Presidency of Klobugorb goes about the same as a 4 year Biden Presidency would. It's horrible and filled with means-testing, but with slightly more pizza and office supplies involved.

Republican nominee, Kamala Harris, sweeps the 2028 election just before the 2030 War on China begins.