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I know a guy who used to be in this situation. He'd spent all his money and even loan money to take his dates to weekend getaways. He'd come around my place on Tuesdays to Thursdays to bum food, because he couldn't afford it.
It eventually resulted in a marriage, a child, a house, a divorce, joint custody, depression and single life in the 50s.
I'm not going to preach. This is the circle of life. Starts with a lie, dies alone. What more could you want.
Point is: Everyone is trying to impress their potential partner. Nobody wants to marry the slob on the coach that we all really are.
While I think that taking a loan to get piece of metal is a stupid idea, I can't really see any reason to blame someone for taking the opportunity if it makes a difference to them.
If you need to bankrupt yourself to declare and validate your love, it probably isn't genuine love. The right person would be happy just being with you. Yea a ring is nice, but if it is ring or food on the table food wins every time in my book.
Agreed. You can't eat a ring.
.... Well, you probably can... As in, you have the physical capability of shoving it in your face hole and squeezing it down your throat; but doing so doesn't provide any nutritional value.
I'm so fortunate to have found someone who, like me, doesn't give any shits about gifts to show affection. Whether it's a ring, or other jewellery, clothes, or other stuff... It's not really a good use of money. If you need something, go buy it. Don't wait to be disappointed when someone buys you a blender and you really wanted a toaster... Or whatever. You spend your money on you, you know what you want, so you're most qualified to buy it.
The gifts I've purchased for her are usually nice things that aren't too expensive, which are usually things she wouldn't spend money on for herself. I'll give you some examples.... One year I got her a travel mug. We gave plenty of travel mugs, but this one is special. It's one of those self heating mugs that can keep your coffee at a set temperature. It's nice and a nice-to-have kind of thing; but she can usually get by with a regular travel mug, and she's usually happy with that. It has seen some good use. Another year, I got her some lightbulbs. Not regular old incandescent or LED bulbs, but rather smart bulbs from hue. This was back in the days when smart bulbs and smart IoT home automation stuff was very new. It came in a kit with four lights and a controller/hub thing, and I helped her set it up in her bedroom (we were living separately at the time), and get it working. She's been hooked ever since. I also had previously bought myself the same, and have since replaced most of our lights with the same brand of smart bulbs. Once when we were moving, the system was not set up yet and she complained that she couldn't turn off the lights from bed with the app because if it. She is pragmatic enough that she would normally never buy expensive smart lights for herself, but now she can't imagine living without them.
There's more, but I think I've made my point. She does much the same for me. Useful gifts that help out, stuff I wouldn't normally buy. One year she bought me some pretty nice headphones. I'm a bit of a sound fanatic (slash-borderline-audiophile), and I had been captivated by a new set of headphones that I wanted. Ordinarily, I wouldn't spend more than, say $300 on a pair of headphones, I'm always looking for the "bang for the buck" option, and these mostly fit that description, but were a bit above my usual price range, and I didn't need them since I had pretty good headphones already. She picked them up for me and anytime I want to listen to high quality music, they're the first thing I reach for.
Again, I could go on, but I think the point is clear. We're not about to spend 3-4k on a hunk of metal and rocks. Neither of us would be happy about that.
which are usually things she wouldn't spend money on for herself
Like a ring? Or chopped flowers?
I suppose. However the basic stipulation is that it's something she would want that she wouldn't normally spend the money to buy.
If she wanted a ring, or chopped flowers, then sure. I totally would. I don't think she wants that.