There definitely have to be some kind of rules, or a lot of holodecks, otherwise there'd probably always be a long ass line of people waiting to do various things with their various bits.
Doesn’t Quark constantly try to peddle his vulcan love slave program? There is definitely a market for holo "entertainment", though perhaps not on a federation starship.
Not sure why there aren’t constant queues of people waiting to fuck a virtual person, maybe it’s not as fun as the real thing or so ubiquitous that it really isn’t anything special any more
My guess is that on a star ship you're only allowed a certain amount of time, and there are probably some kinds of rules about the... Nature... Of the programs that the computer won't let you override.
At quark's it's probably just too expensive. Pay by the minute. Only the horniest can afford to spend that long in there.
If we figure out this whole telemere lengthening thing and I live long enough, though, I fully plan on figuring out how to have my own holodeck. And I have no shame in admitting that I will be using holoporn programs. Especially since you can use your voice to create a program.