How do I [32M] have a "slut phase"?

Hear me out. First, I know sex isn’t everything and I know that hooking up and getting laid isn’t going to solve deeper needs and insecurities that I am working on.

That said, I’m also getting out of a long and bad relationship that has left me feeling like I missed so many experiences and opportunities in what ultimately were the final years of my 20s.

I never really properly figured out dating or hooking up. Even though it’s not literally true, I feel like the only person I’ve been with is someone where we skipped straight to “serious long term relationship” which not only contributed to why we didn’t work out, but also kind of stunted my development when it comes to romance and sex.

So now I’m trying to take a step back and just kind of loosen up and have fun in a way I feel I never have before. I do want to develop real connections and long term relationships, but I also want a bit of time away from that first.

Only problem is, I have no clue how and I do feel just a bit old for it. I’m on Tinder and frankly it just feels like nobody is interested.

9 comments

Nobody is never too old to have a "sluty" phase.

But maybe online dating is not the right place to find a long lasting relationship if you want that. It's very rare that you actually find someone ready to settle down on a dating app.

I suggest you just enjoy it until you find someone who wants the same as you in this time of their life.
- I mean I'm on the app kinda to not find an LTR? I mean it's not what I'm looking for right now, though if I do make that kind of connection with someone then yes I'm open to having it move in that direction - slowly and steadily.
  
  The problem I'm having with Tinder is it's taking up a lot of time and other than a few matches and limited texting it's not really getting me anywhere. I've even paid for some of the premium features, which help a tiny bit but it feels like I could be on there forever and not actually find anyone who wants to date or hookup.
  
  That is kinda the whole grift of Tinder and other dating apps. Your frustating experience is by design so you use the app as long as you can, because once you find that person and a date and stay with them, you just gonna delete the fucking app and they know it.
  
  Don't worry, the app intentionally wants to make you miserable while trying to get you as few matches as possible so you keep swiping daily.
Assuming you're a man, 32 is definitely not too old. In my personal experience as a 40-something, 32 is right around your peak.

Are you hot? If the answer is "no", that's fine. Most of us aren't. But it means that you'll have to do a little bit more work in figuring out what kind of people (women?) are attracted to you, why they're attracted to, and what might be the best way to meet them. The answer may not be Tinder.
I casually dated for a lot of my early 30s, my 20s was a string of LTRs, and now in my late 30s I'm married. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm a serial monogomist.
My casual dating in my early 30s was powered by bumble, it's also how I met my wife.
I was only casually dating because I had learned from my 20s the kind of person I wanted to get into a committed relationship with, and I felt like I could afford to be picky. Lots for one off dates, only one or two hookups, that never turned into anything.
I'm happier in a committed relationship, and there's nothing wrong with that, we're all built different, and for me random fucking doesn't really turn my crank.
Grab bumble(other people are saying hinge, but I never used it so I can't say one way or the other) and just go for a load of first dates, see where things go.
- Damn I didn't even realize Bubble had been around that long! Hinge is the new kid on the block.
  
  For what it's worth, I don't think I want to be a long-term slut. I just want to try it on for a while.
  
  I ain't judging pal! You do you! Just presenting you with my story, cause yours felt a lot like mine. I fully support you in your quest to be a slut ❤️
- Damn I didn't even realize Bubble had been around that long! Hinge is the new kid on the block.
  
  For what it's worth, I don't think I want to be a long-term slut. I just want to try it on for a while.
Join a polyamory community. Go to munches you find on FetLife, meet poly people, repeat.

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