The Onion @midwest.social can @sh.itjust.works 4 wk. ago

U.S. Army Recruiter Has Bound, Gagged Civilian That Teen Can Shoot Right Now If He Enlists

www.theonion.com U.S. Army Recruiter Has Bound, Gagged Civilian That Teen Can Shoot Right Now If He Enlists

KERRVILLE, TX—Offering an added incentive in the hopes of enticing the young man to sign up for the military, U.S. Army recruiter Henry “Tex” Teevens revealed during a job fair Thursday that he had a bound, gagged civilian that 18-year-old Milo Carnes could shoot right now if he enlisted. “Yeah, bud...

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take as many free shots as he wanted at the heavily restrained and completely innocent man, a perk the military provided to each new recruit. “Now, I’m not entirely sure what this gentleman’s whole deal is. Looks like he could be from the Middle East.

Brutal.
This is what The Onion should be doing always. That and the person from the street bits.
- I feel like I've seen an immediate increase in quality and especially bite to the Onion since their acquisition by the fans earlier this year. It's awesome!
  
  Absolutely. The sting is back that so many people said was impossible in this era.
  
  If only we could make something like this happen to a Murdoch paper or other "real" source.
Am a middle eastern civilian, how do I enlist?
- Look at a cop the wrong way.
  
  Much appreciated.
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