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As one of the "sex repulsed ace" folks who gets shot at / tokenised / ignored / etc by all sides
Allosexuality deeply normalised and world is scream. Can't use goddamn pleading emotes anymore because the goddamn allosexuals stole the goddamn emote to mean "bottom" and have turned anxious behaviours, nervousness, etc, into sexualised "bottom behaviour" to contrast "top behaviour" (fucking hell my fellow queers have recreated masculine and feminine gender roles down to their association with sexual behaviour! Infuriating!).
Also its fucking creepy that "pickup line" "stutter/blush/etc" "kissing / etc" being taken as "consent" is BACK but now its fine bc its gay?
Like god i don't want my anxieties taken as "i just secretly want the hornies??"
Oh and the jokes from other queers about turning everyone gay etcetc and i'm like "fuck you i don't wanna be gay i hate this whole sex and romance thing"
So yeah notta fun month here ! ! !
Turning bottom/top into a personality is so frustrating. The fact that people can't see how heteronormative it is is wild. I think a lot of it comes from how many people have discovered their sexuality online instead of in IRL communities. Few people top or bottom 100% of the time. But that doesn't matter much for your situation.
Queer culture is always going to revolve around sex and romance, for better or for worse. What do you want from the queer community? Friendship? This is one of those situations where having more community outside of bars and nightclubs would help a lot. Those places are more sexually charged and less geared towards deep conversation. Hopefully you can find a fun queer community center of some kind to hang out in.
Permanently Deleted
Real
What do you want from the queer community? Friendship? This is one of those situations where having more community outside of bars and nightclubs would help a lot.
I would like solidarity and for other queer people to not make me feel less queer because I'm not into sex or romance. I dont go to nightclubs, so Im afraid that advice is not very relevant.
Queer culture is always going to revolve around sex and romance, for better or for worse.
Indeed, and that makes me sad and depressed. I dont imagine/think/want it to change, but I feel like i should be at least allowed to complqin about how alienating it is
lmao I think you misread it. I was saying that having more queer community that is not bars/nightclubs would be nice. I don't love them either.
You should complain about it, your perspective is important. I've always been the single person in the group, trying to be friends with people who have other obligations. Its frustrating and makes me feel less important as a friend. I wish people valued platonic relationships more. I want to do more than make someone feel less lonely while they look for a partner. I hope you find your own corner of community eventually.
ah, sorry for misreading comrade
idk if you've read his other posts, but he has literally accused queer people of "shoving [our] sexuality down his throat" and has accused people with a top-bottom dynamic in their relationship of being heteronormative as if he was some fucking terf vomitting out a sex negative manifesto in the 1970s. He can't tell the difference between being sex repulsed and being a literal homophobic kinkshaming fascist.
So after your other comment itt, i'm generous enough to give you the benefit of the doub that you're really just tired off allonormativity, but this post still rubs me the wrong way. I'm gonna keep my original gut level reaction to this deleted, but i still feel that your entire post sounds like kinkshamy, queerphobic bad faith shit hidden behind a wall of word salad. This really creeps me out and reminds me way too much of people making queer spaces irl unsafe for my friends and me.
I'm sorry to have reminded you of people IRL making queer spaces unsafe for you and your friends.
I have no idea where/why the accusation of bad faith (or especially queer and kinkphobia) is coming from, and wish you'd explain more rather than telling me that my (probably too genuine) depressed 2AM rant based on my experiences with other queer people is bad faith stuff meant to hide some real message.
I have never supported removing kink at pride. Largely I dont go to pride events bc 1. Loud and 2. Lots of people and 3. Usually unmasked people. My issues with allosexuality and romance are pmuch the same issues a lotta my gay friends have with cis romance/sexuality (i.e. its omnipresent, shoved in face, held up as super important for maturity, universal, most important relationship etcetc). Kink doesnt make me uncomfortable, as generqlly the people into various kinks arent the hegemonic group in society constantly shouting "be like me or you are worth less as a human being".
I have no idea where/why the accusation of bad faith (or especially queer and kinkphobia) is coming from, and wish you'd explain more rather than telling me that my (probably too genuine) depressed 2AM rant based on my experiences with other queer people is bad faith stuff meant to hide some real message.
Oh great i just love having to explain to people how they've hurt me. That's always so much fun!
Listen, dingus, when you accuse kinksters of having "recreated masculine and feminine gender roles down to their association with sexual behaviour", you are verbatim parroting the talking points of sex negative radfems that later all turned out to be giga terfs. You are invalidating queer sexualities, something which you do not fucking know anything about in the first place, and you are doing it in a way that's historically loaded in a way particularly offensive to lesbian kinksters and to trans women. As a transbian kinkster, here's a heartfelt "fuck you" from me: Fuck you, you ignorant, backpedaling piece of shit. You can't vomit a wall of text like that into this thread where you police my community's online conversations and basically tell every single person i'm friends with that they're horrible, boundary-violating people for daring to use the pleading emote in a sexual context and then pretend that didn't happen and that you didn't mean to offend anybody. Your entire post is full of blanket statements that show me how much you hate kinksters and want us to shut up and hide our sexualities for your convenience. You're not any better than any other bigot out there who makes me afraid of even holding hands with my girls in public. You will never have to face the same kind of opression, you will never have to be afraid of getting hatecrimed for loving somebody, all you can offer is the same "do not shove your sexuality down my throat" that i get to hear from any other reactionary. Like, you are LITERALLY using the "shoved down my throat" line that fascists weaponize against the queer community in the very post i'm replying to. There's a difference between being sex repulsed and arguing against expressions of other people's sexualities and love lifes like a fucking homophobic fascist and you have crossed that line. You're a threat to the only spaces where my friends and me can safely be ourselves. Reported, disengaged and blocked.
Yes! I'm homosexual and I agree. The "bottom" and "top" stuff is just homophobia. If anyone thinks I'm being 'too woke', dont tell me.
people really be trying to turn “I find this behavior cute” into some sort of objective observation as if that’s how things work. Tbh I’ve been guilty of “bottom/top” jokes and in retrospect they do seem… sus
So after your other comment itt, i'm generous enough to give you the benefit of the doub that you're really just tired off allonormativity, but this post still rubs me the wrong way. I'm gonna delete my original gut level reaction to this, but i still feel that your entire post sounds like kinkshamy, queerphobic bad faith shit hidden behind a wall of word salad, and i can't feel sorry for jumping down your throat when you come at my community like this.
