Man FFXIV is no ray of sunshine but I can’t imagine it’s anyway near as bad as literally any competitive game. I’ve never been called a slur in FFXIV before and it feels like it happens once a session for things like Dota, LoL, Overwatch, Siege, etc.
Second this, you'll get a couple sweatlords every now and then especially if you're running end game content but the first 100 or more hours of gameplay are absolutely pleasant. I only interacted with the reddit group outside of game but those guys were also nice.
I've played with some rude individuals on FFXIV, like those annoyed that new players haven't memorised low-level dungeons and are unable to speedrun them. By and large I'd agree, though. I joined after playing SWTOR for years and could immediately tell the difference.