If they bring a mariachi band I'm sold

That's it momma and I are going for a long train ride

Theoden: "You could have gotten a mule."

This isn't the bong you're looking for

Wife swap

Hm. I cast the seventh level spell Inflammatory Bowel Disease

And he has a beard you could have gotten lost in if it hadn't been wrapped around a tree

I have car tacos like once a month I dunno what you're talking about. I also wear a lot of loud prints to cover up stains for unrelated reasons

dequel

I'ma show this to my wife the next time the smoke thing beeps as an excuse to get a fancy new thermometer.

*honey

Cargo pants and Chinese takeout

The look on mom's face when we get to the dentist after she said we were going to Disney

Did the poor baby think their rude, unsolicited advice was going to be accepted with glee? Grow the fuck up.

go fuck yourself and stop assuming people don't already know what's best about their diets for themselves

If I was president I would make Tuesdays a holiday

My stank don't get much hoobier

Ooo they card read good

All I remember about Tustin is it has damn fine Vietnamese food