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The Onion @midwest.social

Trump Threatens 40% Tariffs on Ireland Unless Bono Wins ‘Amazing Race’ This Year

The Onion @midwest.social

New EU Resolution Decrees All Mentions of “Country With a Tiny Penis” Be Replaced with “Country With a Tiny Penis”

  • The value went away, not actual money. Say you own a pair of Jordan’s original shoes worn playing for the bulls, and he shows up drunk on a tv show and spends an hour crapping all over the bulls. You still own the shoes, but they will be worth less if you try to sell them.

  • The best way would be quiet quitting. Making routes to federal buildings surrounded by construction and road closures at odd times. Overlapping federal job descriptions internally and never communicating with federal equivalents unless required, and that with a “great email, still working on that!” Or “emailed Oregon about that and they had some great ideas, get with them for the data!”

    Offering great state guard contracts to all military eligible to re-up, that exceed what the feds offer. Build out coastal protection fleet due to “them darn migrants.” Train your military in FPV as if you were what the US should be doing right now, so the feds know any pushback will be costly, and you’re not breaking any laws anyway, remember?

    Tell your state and local police we don’t work with the FBI or IRS in cooperation any more, and let the populace know the feds must individually enforce all tax law. That’s where it’s good for the Feds to remember that’s not required, and the 4th amendment prevents them being forced to act… in fact, that makes them subject to arrest for trying due to the laws of the great state of california.

    All legal, and petty. But legal.

  • The Onion @midwest.social

    Floridians “Worried” As Trump Asks Supreme Court for a Preemptive Ruling Whether He Can Nuke the State

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Journalists Demand More Synonyms for Stupid as Trump Administration Enters Third Month in Office

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Budget Concerns As IRS Layoffs Cause Americans to Remember Over 65 Million Additional Dependents

    The Onion @midwest.social

    LiteCoin Announces Smaller, Less Popular Efficiency Office to Capitalize on DOGE Success

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Entire Nation Unsure How to Act as Trump Frees Detained American Held in Russia

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Republican Leadership Concerned Its “Mountain Dew Baja Blast” Caucus May Divide Party on Greenland Name Change

    The Onion @midwest.social

    China Demands US Slow Its Collapse and Stick to Chinese Timetables.

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Republican Leadership Outraged as Colombia Announces a 75% Tariff on Cocaine

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Americans Unite Around New Soda Flavor: “Pepsi Despair”

    The Onion @midwest.social

    As Finding Out Quickly Approaches, Republican Voters Remain Delighted with the Fucking Around

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Shock and Outrage at Latest Actions by White House

    The Onion @midwest.social

    White House Highlights Number of Straight White Males in Cabinet as Charges of Diversity Mount

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Growing Concern Among America’s Adversaries They Forgot Bribe Payments to Cause This Much Chaos

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Conservatives Taking Long Looks in the Mirror as Measures Aimed at Gays and Transexuals Hurting Them and Their Families

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Republican Leadership Concerned as Strategic Fear Stockpiles Running Low

    The Onion @midwest.social

    US Economy Heating Up as Russian Firm Seeks 400,000 Temporary Workers for “Occupational Work”

    The Onion @midwest.social

    “Tiger King” Joe Exotic Pledges to Immediately Attack Democracy if Pardoned

    The Onion @midwest.social

    Oil CEOs “Nervous but Confident” as the ‘Most-Hated Industry Award’ for 2024 Announcement Approaches