@NationProtons Firstly, many SSRIs are pretty cheap, like a few bucks for a refill of a generic, even without insurance. But they all are difficult to "titrate up." You'll feel pretty bad the first week or three. Then, while symptoms of depression will abate, you'll also have somewhat less positive affect. Then when you stop, you'll have mood swings that will fuck with your life.
Some people find that the right SSRI or SNRI is really helpful. For me, most of them were frustrating dead ends.

@Aurenkin oof that's life, yep.
at some point I realized I'll "make it" but it doesn't get better, so …
so nothing, I guess.

I've been through every selective neurotransmitter reuptake inhibitor, and they pull off the amazing feat of being habit-forming drugs that do not actually help one feel better.