Is somebody ever completely demotivated with everything? How do you deal with it?
Is somebody ever completely demotivated with everything? How do you deal with it?
Occasionally I have these days where I don't feel like doing work or chores. So I'm thinking, why not just enjoy myself, do something that interests me?
But then I don't find any motivation to do anything really. Not even the things I normally enjoy very much.
Typically I would then waste time browsing or watching videos, but that seems to make it worse. How to snap out of this?
I have those periods. I think of them as autistic shutdowns. For me, they happen when I've been overwhelmed by too much stress, interruptions, demands, or sensory overload.
Just have to make it until after work and I can have a break
Just have to make it until the end of the week and I can rest for a couple of days
Just have to make it until the next holiday
Just have to make it
That's a disturbing poem.
Yep that's me
@Aurenkin oof that's life, yep.
at some point I realized I'll "make it" but it doesn't get better, so …
so nothing, I guess.I've been through every selective neurotransmitter reuptake inhibitor, and they pull off the amazing feat of being habit-forming drugs that do not actually help one feel better.
This was pretty much me in university and during the first years of my work. It just feels like endless postponing of actually doing the things you want. But it never comes.
I'm starting to wonder if I just have much less capacity (in terms of energy) than other people.
Depression sucks.
If it just unmotivated, make yourself go out. Set that as a goal. Just to get out of the house. Then work on doing something outside. A short walk , then look for some longer ones and try those.
My wife makes me take the dog on walks once a week and that helps
If it’s more, you might need therapy. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Beyond walking the dog, I hate leaving the house. I can spike a panic attack doing the shopping.
Ymmv
You're spot on. I don't even notice it myself. But during these kind of days, I always just sit at home and do nothing. I like walking actually, but for some reason my motivation for that drops as well and then I don't feel like going outside either. But it always helps, even if I don't feel like it.
I'd love to have a dog or cat at home, but I don't think I have the financial means at the moment. And I don't want to get one if I don't think I'll be able to take care of it properly.
Connect with the natural world. Go find some woods where there aren’t a lot of people and just be alive in them.
Sometimes I find myself on my phone too much. I’ve found it useful to try to remember something I saw online a week ago. Frequently I cannot. This makes me upset at the time I am wasting.
I started disc golfing again last year and I play every weekend and it’s keeping me sane. It’s like walking in the woods with a purpose. I like to go before anyone else is playing in the morning. It must work because my wife encourages it and it means her watching our toddler alone for a couple hours.
“Touch grass” unironically without judgment.
Personally i find mediating outside to be incredible satisfying experience. It still takes allot to get motivated and actually do it, but i have never regretted doing so and i am more motivated to do things back inside after.
Rather then doomscrolling i then actually continue the game or book i told myself i was gonna finish months ago.
The key as i have found it for my person is to be at psychological balance. Cognitive zen.
Easier said then done and i still end up wasting time scrolling most days but theres something “real” there and i haven’t found a better direction that resembles the true path of living a full life.
Also a good idea for people like us is to delve into a nerd hobby with outside applications. Astronomy, Geology . Ecology. I am having a great time just properly identifying things in nature other then “stars, rocks and plants”
I'm pretty impressed that people can still have moments of doomscrolling and enough time to also go outside and meditate, and then still be capable of working enough to earn money to survive.
I think going outside for a walk and meditation are both great. But they are also the first things I tend to drop when overwhelmed with work. Which of course makes it only get worse over time.
Caveat: this can potentially be dangerous. I used to go outside a lot when I felt bad, but it mostly let me stew in my bad feelings with nothing to permanently distract me from them. Now I always bring headphones to listen to music, because that's a lot better at distracting me from the bad feelings.
I think distracting yourself from bad feelings can also be dangerous of itself when taken to extremes though. I remember using games to distract myself from bad feelings, but then I would play too much, start feeling uncomfortable, and feeling like I need to play more games. (which just made everything worse)
Of course you should still have time to do things that make you happy. But often I found that things I thought were special interests, were more like things I do to distract myself from bad feelings instead of things I actually like.
Great that you found something that works for you. Going outside is definitely helpful, but I also feel that that is the most difficult for me to do in such times. I hope I can turn it into more of a habit going into the future
Thanks. I understand. Maybe in the future you will be successful getting into nature or maybe you will find something that is even better for you personally. I believe you’ll find what you need.
I just girlrot til it's over. Can't force motivation. Best thing is to learn what stuff over depleted it and plan around that for the future.
Sometimes it's pretty clear, but other times it feels like I had a great week and then suddenly I don't feel like doing anything anymore.
Never heard of 'girlrot' before, learned something new :) It's definitely a good description of what i'll end up doing most of these times.
Often, I loop some music such that it becomes slightly annoying for me, and tell myself that I can’t turn it off until I do the task. I’ve heard of something called “Autistic Inertia”, which states that we have a lot of difficulty starting to do something, but can easily keep doing it once we started.
Another thing I sometimes do is set micro deadlines. Eg: If I finish getting ready before 8:30, I can have a short break, otherwise I go directly to the next task which I must complete by 9:30. (Though I might adjust the time if I am running behind)
Something I remember hearing is “Don’t wait to be motivated to do stuff, or you won’t get anything done.”
Edit: Added some YouTube links for some videos I remembered. Not sure if they’re the best references, but I guess they should be helpful.
Thanks for the links. I feel the inertia strongly sometimes. Even when doing something I normally consider fun, I often find it difficult to stop and do something else when it starts getting less fun / boring.
Light depression can be caused by a lot of things, and doesn't mean you have clinical depression. Things that work for me:
- Be more active. No, I dont mean you have to go kill yourself working out. Just go for a short walk.
- Disconnect from media and technology. If you use social media, get away from it for 24 hours. People don't talk about it enough but it's literally engineered to give you constant dopamine so you get addicted to it. Overall if you're in front of a computer all day, just get away from it and go make a trip. Even just to get groceries.
- Sleep. The one everyone loves making memes about. Truthfully though if your sleep schedule is super fucked, it can be a big problem causer. Not sure that's a word. You get me though.
Good luck friend. I've been there several times. Nothing sucks more than not knowing what to do to make yourself happy.
Walking definitely does help me. And my sleep is fine as far as I can tell. Disconnecting is an issue though, I feel like all my hobbies are related to using the computer and I work as a software engineer, so very difficult to avoid being exposed to / reminded of online media and such.
Still didn't find a good solution for this. But I do notice that If I meditate regularly, it's easier to avoid spending all day on my computer.
If walking is easier than cutting screen time maybe try a walking pad or under desk treadmill. May need a monitor arm if you can afford it, but it'll help to be more active. At the end of the day these are just suggestions. Burn out is real and can easily be an explanation as well. Happened to me when I was WFH and basically at the computer for 12+ hours a day.
Lately I’ve started forcing myself to do nothing during those moments, like literally nothing. I set a timer for an hour and then turn off my phone and computer and lay down or just sit and kind of stare at a wall.
The boredom is horrible but the good news is that by the end of the hour, usually my mind has come up with a few things it would rather do than nothing.
Also, sometimes I can’t make it the full hour doing nothing but I only let myself do productive/healthy things like reading or doing dishes. It’s not really enjoyable but by the end of the hour it does feel slightly good that I was slightly productive.
Idk if it’ll work for you and idk if I’ll be able to keep doing it, but maybe it’s worth a shot. Tell me how it goes if you try it lol.
I feel like this has a similar effect to meditation. Every time I just wait for a moment and see what my brain suggests I do (instead of just keeping wasting time on my computer), it actually feels pretty ok. Like even if I remember I still have to do cleaning, actually doing the cleaning at that moment feels less effortful and takes less time.
I think it's a good suggestion. Just the moment that I need it the most, is also the moment that I won't be able to pull myself from whatever I'm doing at that moment. Maybe I should try and make it more consistent, have a specific moment each day to just do nothing...
These may be depressive symptoms. It may be a good idea to find someone close to you to talk to, and keep them up-to-date about the situation. Make sure it's someone you trust and can open up to. It may also help to seek professional help if you feel it is getting worse or if you experience physical symptoms as well. We all have a need for genuine human connection, and talking to someone can help. It may make it easier for you to get back in touch with your more positive emotions, to 'snap' back into that positive or happier state of mind where things make sense like they usually do. Hope this helps. Much love from the Netherlands. ❤️
Heel erg bedankt voor je suggesties!
I'm living in a different country now, and can only contact my friends in the evening hours (And I find it very difficult to talk to them about these kind of things.) My partner is very helpful for me, but I cannot expect them to deal with my worries all the time (I also don't want to drag them down.)
Professional help would be useful, but thus far, I have not found anyone that really seemed to understand my situation. I find it very difficult to connect with anyone, even with my parents and friends I often have to push myself to keep any meaningful connection.
I found this condition while trying to understand how I often feel. Anhedonia wikipedia link
Yeah, that describes it pretty well. And probably also Avolition
Separate all of your problems into small finite categories and deal with them in order of importance: Health > Food > Shelter > Money > Companionship > Fulfillment
I actually used to struggle to find energy to do anything before I found out I was allergic to grass, trees, dogs, cats, horses, some insects, etc. Now I take a prescription antihistamine and I feel fine, like maybe benchpressing the sofa might be cool. Problem is, most people have a hard time finding the problems with health, the part that's wrong with themselves, first and foremost.
Yeah it's not easy to figure out what exactly is wrong sometimes. I think my body either gives me no signals or mixes things up.
I think this is partly because during my childhood, I often felt uncomfortable (eating certain food, paying attention for hours in class, trying to make friends, etc...) but didn't have the option to actually recover or rest. When you are at school, you can't really retreat into your own chamber and take a nap or avoid bothersome noises, lights or social situations.
I learned that playing videogames or browsing was a very effective way for me to feel better (because it just drowned out all the senses and allowed full focus). But in the end, I feel like I've trained myself to ignore what my body says, and in the long run this just leads to more problems.
More recently, I have learned to listen a bit more to my own needs (sometimes as simple as feeling that I need to go to the toilet, and actually doing it). But it's still something that is not natural for me at the moment.
I got nothing to add to the comments already written but wanted to say "thanks for sharing", 'cause I'm in this mood now for weeks. It's like I'm waiting for something to happen without knowing what this something is. Luckily I'm going on holidays a few weeks from now. So: Thank you for sharing.
Hope you will feel better soon. It sucks if it lasts for weeks. And it can be so difficult to get out of it.
I have those moments all the time.
Yes.
Poorly.
Is somebody ever completely demotivated with everything?
Yep, that's called depression.
How do you deal with it?
Medication. Time. Continued effort. IMO, success in life isn't measured by completion. It's measured by getting back up after you fall. Amount of progress isn't the most important thing. Any progress, at all, is infinitely better than none.
Occasionally I have these days where I don’t feel like doing work or chores. So I’m thinking, why not just enjoy myself, do something that interests me?
Yep, have those all the time. I wait for them to pass and then when my energy comes back, I do all the things. It's frustrating because I'm waiting on some unknown energy to decide to make my brain work today.
Typically I would then waste time browsing or watching videos, but that seems to make it worse. How to snap out of this?
Yep. Same feeling. I like a few videos here and there, mostly sciency ones, but when I start mindless scrolling, it makes me feel worse and I stop. I usually do something light activity, small task, to get the ball rolling. Clean for 5 minutes. Only 5. Set a timer. I can stop after that. If I want, I can keep going, but stopping is fine.
At some point, I even anticipated wasting too much time browsing or playing games. So I uninstalled steam and blocked websites like reddit and youtube.
I ended up just reading wikipedia articles for 4 hours straight. I always seem to find something to distract myself...
For me it seems to be more difficult to get out of this, Even if I can get myself to do some chores, or go outside for 5 minutes. But it's definitely already better now than in the past.
Write stuff down, write down why you should do things or not do them. When you need to regroup, read what you wrote. It helps me, but ymmv
This does help me a lot actually. I sometimes write a bit too much though. One of the reasons I started working on getting better is because of journalling.
Look up autistic burnout.
Yeah, I've read up about it a bit and it describes the situation quite well. Or something like an autistic shutdown. I don't find good ways of dealing with it though. Apart from just waiting it out and resting enough (But how am I supposed to earn money when I have to rest/recover all the time?)
Um yeah, dat me. My tendency to do that is born of low self-worth, poor diet, exhaustion from capitalism-related horrors, frustration at my lot in life as a trans autist, and indignance towards the billionaires and the bigots enabling them.
How to snap out of it? No god damned idea. I'm so close to being able to pick up and move from Texas to Portland (if I can just get offered any one of the two dozen teaching jobs for which I have applied) where I hope that my mood spikes up a bit because of the locals and the locale. Apart from uprooting my entire life, I genuinely don't think there is a way for me in particular to escape this rut.
Good luck to you.
Yeah. I call it being tired when anyone asks how I'm doing.
Since it usually stops within a week, I fully engage in the routine for that time
You are stronger than me. My routine tends to fall apart completely in these moments. I often even stop brushing my teeth and then have to work on building up that habit again afterwards.
I have days like this.
I’ve discovered that I have an easy time doing things I kinda enjoy but not very much (video games, reddit), but I avoid things I really love (playing music, traveling, cooking).
This is not a healthy coping mechanism but I bribe myself with cookies like I'm a dog. If I get up and put the laundry in the dryer I get a cookie. If I send that email I get a cookie. It usually works. It won't really make me enjoy life but it does get me through it, if you know what I mean.
I wish I had an easy way to bribe myself. I'm not really that motivated by food, so during these kind of days, I often barely eat anything. Even some meal I enjoy greatly, will just feel like a chore to eat.
For me going for a walk in nature is the best. Second best is exercise.
That definitely helps. I find it difficult to get myself to exercise sometimes, but walking is something I can enjoy.
Hi! Late to the party sorry.
I have gone through this, and similarly to what others say, I was able to pin point it to autism burnout. It's a very steep climb out of the hole, and I wish you the best of luck.
Some things that have helped me in my journey:
- Whenever I am having a moment, using this site to figure out why and what I need: https://youfeellikeshit.com/index.html
- Therapy, specifically someone who is knowledgeable about autism and autism burnout
- Reading as much as I can about autism burnout and how it manifests (it can take months to years to dig yourself out)
- A good book, specifically around keeping house and chores, that has helped me a lot: How to Keep House While Drowning
- If you have the financial means, hiring help to take care of the things taking up space in your brain such as cleaning, food prep, and maybe even taking a leave for a while
Yeah, I think I'm in the digging out stage now. It seems to be very difficult for me to take care of myself while I have to work for income.
Thanks for the suggestions! I will look into the book, and the website is great (I made something like this myself in my linked notes)
Therapy seems to be a bit harder for me. I didn't have anyone with specific experience, and found that the typical talk therapy does not really benefit me (I already spent years researching this myself, so it does not really help to have somebody else repeat it to me). I'll try to find somebody, but seems like it's quite difficult.