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Put on my boots, jumped in my F-150, cooked a rare steak, had a cup of Black Rifle coffee, poured a glass of bourbon...

...loaded my $15000 AR-15, bought some Dude Wipes, put on my Blu-ray collection of Clint Eastwood movies, told everyone I came across that I wasn't gay, stifled all emotion, had my wife make a sandwich and raise my kids, told my black neighbor he was "one of the good ones", shared videos of dead Palestinians, put on my "Mission Accomplished" bumper sticker from 2003, turned on my Joe Rogan podcast, clocked out at the racism factory, and drove to the polls here in Whitesville Texas. Brought my wife and kids too. We understood the assignment. We were adulting. We did a democracy. Donald is right behind me isn't he?

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  • Fell out of bed from a 7 day bender, threw on my finest sweatpants and buldak ramen-stained tagless t-shirt, hopped into my 2012 Toyota Corolla that is literally held together with duct tape and is probably not even street legal, stuffed a celebrity rockstar sized line of cocaine into my face and voted for "Pig Poop Balls" as my write-in candidate. I understood the assignment.

    • If you're going to write about me at least have the decency to tag me

      • I was writing about me... 😳 Lol

        • I was just making a joke, didn't mean to steal your valor chavez-salute

          • Nah you good I was making a joke off of your joke rofl. Besides I'm too broke to afford cocaine.

            • I've got a trick for that. Find some people selling cocaine, then ask to become a dealer (you have to gain their trust thru a weird little minigame of some sort) then when they give you the cocaine pretend to go out and sell it and then just do it all yourself.
              Literally flawless strategy

              • I hope it's a fishing mini game.

                • I was thinking of the oblivion wheel, but sure

                  • I only remember the lock picking mini game from those games and as someone that can pick locks, as long as it's not that, it should be fine.

                    • I wanna learn lock picking. Got any advice? How much should I spend on a kit? What should I look for? What should I avoid? I live in Europe ATM and I hear we have thinner locks, do you recommend any specific brands or something ?
                      Sorry for the bunch of questions, but the subreddit for lockpicking hasn't been very good beyond "this brand good" (us specific brand)

                      • So I don't do it a lot and I can only occasionally get passed security pins but the rest covers like 70% of locks though.

                        But first, skip the cheap sets on Amazon. I hate how they feel, both in the hand and in the lock. I got my last set from Sparrows so I'm about to shill them. I was very impressed with the ones I got.

                        These will get you started real quick: https://www.sparrowslockpicks.com/products/kick-start

                        These are a bit more but you get a bit more: https://www.sparrowslockpicks.com/products/tuxedo-lock-pick-set

                        I started with the cheapest padlocks from Wally World. Master and clones, I forget what the model are but look for stuff with 4-5 pins and no security pins. But also pick up something cheep with a security pin like a spool pin. They aren't impossible when starting out but they are a challenge. Brinks makes a lot of cheap ones with security pins.

                        But, really just watch a few videos so you can understand tensioning and setting pins. Also have fun with raking locks. It's not as satisfying as single pin picking but it's fun.

                        If you do get into the hobby, ebay will often have lots of padlocks for cheap. You get a variety to play with that way.

                        There is a subreddit for the hobby and one of the best Youtubers is The Lockpicking Lawyer.

                        That's pretty much it. I'm not super into it but I do it on occasion and can get into places. I helped my neighbors get back into their house twice so far lol. You will also get the urge to replace your front and back doors with locks with security pins. Defiant are really cheap and they tend to come with like 2 security pins and don't advertise it. That was a pleasant discovery when I tried our front door lol.

    • 2012? Your car isn't of legal age?

    • 2012 Toyota Corolla

      Damn, you're rich?! I have a 1998 Corolla

      • It's my partner's old car actually so I never even bought it. Her parents like to throw their money around to show God how humble they are.

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