Neopronouns are not trolling
Neopronouns are not trolling
I've been waiting until after Christmas day to make this post, but some of our communities recently have had a lot of noise and upset over someone that uses neopronouns that most people are unfamiliar with.
So I want to make this clear. A persons pronouns are to be respected. This is true when the user is using neopronouns that you're unfamiliar with. It's true even if you think someone is trolling. Pronouns are not rewards for good behaviour. They aren't only to be respected when you like the person you're interacting with, or if their pronouns "make sense" to you. Trolls, spammers, twitter users, it doesn't matter who they are, your options are to respect their pronouns, or to not engage with them.
I really want to re-iterate the importance of this. Gender diverse folk are undermined, invalidated and questioned at every step of our lives. As a community, we need to be working to undo that, not creating more of it, and that means there is no space for treating pronouns (including neopronouns) as a reward for good behaviour.
This isn't a free reign for trolls and spammers. The rules still apply. Trolling, spamming, etc will continue to be dealt with, but it's not an excuse to act as if respecting someones pronouns is optional.
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I respect all persons regardless of their genders, I really do, but if you ask me to use any pronoun aside from "he/she" or, if absolutely necessary, "they", you can go home. Stop making your gender, that almost no one cares about, the center of attention. You can have respect, but you can't demand I change my language for you.
Edit: didn't see this was a post on blahaj, by its admin. Sorry guys, I don't want to intrude on your blahaj conversations. It just showed up on my feed and I added my opinion to this topic in general. I hadn't considered instances as such strong contexts for conversation before. All the best to you, I really hope all genders or lack thereof can coexist peacefully some day
In most settings I would be inclined to agree, but in specific settings, like the community this was originally posted in, acceptance and comfort is the point.
You may have seen this from World, but it was posted on blahaj.
In this particular instance, it seems less like you were approached on the street and told to speak differently, and more like some people were having a meeting and you walked in and told them to stop making a scene.
Hm hadn't thought of instances this particular way. Sure, if you're part of a community that really wants to use all sorts of pronouns, go ahead. How you connect to society on a larger scale is a different issue.. but that is kind of what federation is, though, right?
Your analogy is good, but I was more in the mindset of somebody at work demanding we all use neopronouns for them.
If xey really want a closed meeting, there's an option to make a community local only.
Some of us are likely to wander into some other blahaj posts like we wandered into this one so it's good to know.
Excellent analogy at the end there.
Maybe reading the room isn’t your strong suit. This post is a position statement by an instance admin on its meta community, not a request for soapboxing from other instances’ users.
I get that now, but it just showed up in my feed on world, and I didn't notice it was from blahaj. If threads get federated, how much must we consider their home instance as context for the conversation? As I said, I respect all genders and I think mainstream society is way too cruel to those outside the binary norm, but demanding neopronouns is just one step too far for me. I do think it's better for me to stay out of this conversation on blahaj, though?
Here’s a neat trick: if you don’t want to engage with someone, just block that person. It costs 0€ and the rest of us don’t have to endure a days-long quarrel.
One of the smaller benefits of these sorts of announcements is that they bring out people that just aren't worth knowing from other instances who all but shout "I'm a piece of shit idiot!! Block me!!". And that really helps save time.
That's what I do. I've got absolutely nothing against probably most of the people I've blocked. Just at a certain point if I see the same account over and over posting stuff I don't really vibe with I'll block them and just let the ones that do enjoy that stuff have at it.
Side note: I especially love the ones that will like rage comment in places like YT/TikTok on "woke" stuff for example then cry that the algorithm keeps showing them more like it. Like... My Brother in Christ, you made the sandwich.
You know, I actually want to talk to people, especially from non-mainstream movements, they usually are pretty interesting. And I think gender is a spectrum, and I think it's really brave to express that openly when you don't find yourself in the binary. I just hate neopronouns. I think they were a wrong turn a movement took a while ago, and that they are a hindrance for connecting with society.
You know what’s even worse for connecting with society? Actively discrediting other peoples existence within the queer community.
This is the exact same bullshit as "LGB drop the T" except it’s one step down. Neopronoun users hurt the whole queer community as much as trans people in general: they don’t, they’re a part of it.
I respect all people pronouns, but real quick here's a list of people's pronouns I don't respect -op
I DON'T respect all peoples' pronouns, but I respect the people - if they don't want that kind of respect, so be it 🥲 it really is just about people asking me to change my language for them. I've done it many times, and I still hate it. It just feels wrong and bad. Because pronouns are not just like using a different name for someone after they have discovered a new identity for themselves, which I love and respect, it's changing grammar. And grammar is hardwired into my brain. You don't get to touch that. You can ask me to, and I will say "no" politely.
oops misread your comment.
sounds like you just don't respect people unless it's convenient for you.
(that's not really respect)
careful hehe ‘op’ in the context would be understood by most to mean the OP of the post, aka Ada. i caught what you mean before i took any action but that probably explains a good chunk of the downvotes ur getting :)
You cannot claim to respect someone if you can't recognise the simple reality of their gender and it's expression. Assuming people using neopronouns are making it the centre of attention is just you being transphobic and a dick, be better.
You can't demand I change my language for you
You're admitting that you prefer being transphobic over putting in the minimum amount of effort
No, if someone transitions and suddenly goes by the other binary gender's pronouns, that's fine, all the more power to them. I will happily use those pronouns.
But don't try and introduce new pronouns into my grammar. Because grammar is hardwired and I've tried adding neopronouns to it, and it's a pain.
Also, I think you can absolutely ask people to use neopronouns, but you have to accept if they decline. Especially if they love and respect you and just don't want the fucking pain of changing their grammar. It's NOT "minimum effort" to start using hen or xen or something like that. It's a fucking pain for most people. And you're alienating them. If you want to be ostracized and die on this weirdest of hills, go ahead.
I don't wanna because "it's a pain". Yep, you're not an ally, you're just being transphobic because that's easier for you.
Being an ally takes effort. We have to unlearn these things in order to make the world better, if the rest of us can do it then so can you. You have been programmed by a patriarchal society to resist change for a reason.