Imagine being afraid of the ‘friend zone’
Imagine being afraid of the ‘friend zone’
Oh no, my miserable life that’s devoid of any connection and anyone altogether otherwise *at least contains a friend.
What the fuck man, is this a real concern average people have that I’m way too fucking alienated to understand
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The entire concept of friend zone is just the obvious display of the emotional stuntedness and hyper-ingrained mysogyny that are the hallmarks of the empty husks men are turned into in this culture. Anybody using the concept of "the friendzone" is incapable of forming actual bonds to other people and sees women as nothing but fuck machines, i'm not buying any other explanation for this garbage.
I had written out a long effortpost earlier today, about how ridiculous this concept seems from a queer, particularly transbian, poly and acespec point of view, how people who are actually capable of more complex and nuanced relationships than "bro" and "longterm monogamous fuckmeat" may view this, and it was pretty good actually. It got into a lot of the emotional complexities of having to navigate the depths of friendship and dating as a queer woman, how difficult it can be to draw a line between very intimate friendship and romantic and / or sexual and / or sensual attraction when you have social relations that lack the distance, rudeness, shallow affect and fear of tenderness that are the hallmarks of the deeply damaged masculine condition, and it did get a lot into how all the emotional wealth that comes from that in all my relationships is worth the confusion of the condition we describe as "useless lesbian", which is what the community calls a person like me who is incapable of telling where the normal amount of teasing and compliments and displays of affection between girls ends and where genuine flirting starts. And it had a whole paragraph about how it's ok and normal to remain friends with people you've had sex with, how it can actually deepen instead of "ruin" a friendship to know sides of each other you don't show to anybody. How liberating it is to ditch monogamous notions of relationships as a form of possession that leads to an inherently brutalized and competitive way to engage with other human beings. How complex and layered the range of things you can feel for people can be if you're somewhere on the asexual spectrum and hornyness isn't constantly clouding the rest of your feelings and sex isn't all about fucking, how much of this thread is dominated by a mindset of a cishet allo mononormative ideal of relationships where the straights all get told all day by mass culture how to feel and none of them have to make sense of their feelings and their desires to the same extend queer people have and how much poorer straight people are for being trapped in that kind of prescriptive disneyfied themepark version of sexuality.
But the site crashed when i tried to send it because on top of ruining hexbear culture, this whole federation garbage has also wrecked site performance. If this dumpster fire of a thread is any indication, good luck with how this place is going to develop, because i do not see myself on here much longer when the main goal of hexbear is onboarding as many cishet dudes as possible. This shit is so gross, i pitty anybody who has no choice but date men.
I had written out a long effortpost just now totally owning and destroying your vent post with facts and logic but deleted it. Trust me.
people who are actually capable of more complex and nuanced relationships than "bro" and "longterm monogamous fuckmeat" may view this
Monogamous people don't view their life partners as "fuckmeat". fuck off.
Horniness isn't "constantly clouding the rest of your feelings" for allosexuals, you're posting the mirror image of enlightened redditor cringe.
It's great that you feel liberated by ace lesbian polyamory but you're overgeneralizing it all the way through to people who would be miserable in your shoes.
Ah, how reliably the "not all men" faction shows up. Funny how the 4 day old account who mostly has posted in this thread becomes a fragile lib as soon as those beneath you call you out and make you not feel like the default anymore. Do you also think cracker is a slur? Do you think i'm being cis-sexist here? Heterophobic? Misandristic? Or are allophobia and ... uh, monogamophobia the only made-up forms of bigottry that you use as a cudgel when your lessers dare to raise their voices?
And yes, they're made up by you bad faith reddit ass debatebro. Letting aside that none of these things exist as systemic forms of opression, whereas mysogyny, transphobia, lesbophobia, acephobia and mononormativity very much do exist, i did not, at any point, say anything against allo people or monogamous people. I touched upon how i have different perspectives than these, is all. But i did call out men and the norms you use to uphold our sexual subjugation, because of course you extend that to not just the straight women unfortunate enough to only be attracted to dudes, but to all of us. And a woman calling that objectification out is what set you off and you know it. You wouldn't have felt the need to type out the longest post in your 4 day user history on hexbearand then delete it if this wouldn't have hit too close to home, Amerikan boy. But you can't say that because it would reveal how much of a mysogynist pig you are and would get you banned, so you have to resort to that kind of smug snarkyness you've just hurled at me.
And look, i'm sorry to say this so bluntly, but you have zero lived experience with how varying testosterone and estradiole levels affect your emotions and libido and what that does to you as a person. You have no idea what it means for your entire behavorial routines when you completely discard the notion of ever wanting to be seen as a man again. You do not know what societal pressures and hormonal influences do to your ability to feel and to connect to people because you have never been on the other side of this. You do not know what it's like to go from allosexual to acespec within a matter of weeks when the cyproterone acetate kicks in. You do not know what it's like to make the switch from existing as somebody just seen as some dude to somebody constantly seen as various porn genres. You do not know what it's like to suddenly lose large parts of your agency, your credibility and your ability to not be talked over and silenced due to the fact that people now perceive you as a girl. But i do. I know all of this, and more, firsthand. My hatred of men, no, don't worry, not all men, only all men who feel the need to post garbage like yours, has a firm foundation in knowing what makes you tick. I did an A/B test on that and i didn't like the results. Sorry if that hurts two of the three feelings you're still allowed to have, but it is what it is. And when i put that into words, it sets you off and you lash out to defend the status quo.
You see, just like racism isn't exclusively the fault of some deplorable hicks in the KKK, patriarchy is not this thing that's only the fault of Andrew Tate and his incel minions, it's something every man is expected to play his little part in to uphold. Including you when you get mad about queer women venting about how mainstream society does relationships. That's you fortifying a power structure. That's you silencing dissent. Do you think you're beyond this? What gives you that idea when my post makes you feel as obviously called out as it did?
Is it really silencing dissent to point out monogamy is more complex than your strawman? It's hardly a call out to do so. I think it is worth mentioning that merely being the mirror image of dominant structures can not only end up supporting them, but developing those structures. That isn't "not all men" or whatever, it's just respect for the dialectic. It's not 2016 anymore.
IMO There are too many performative non-Christians that are happy just making "owning the conservatives" their identity and it shows in the static discourses. This is a problem in addressing systemic issues because any attempt at actually putting vitality into the discourse beyond dunking on idiots instead of responding to the dynamics of the world is dismissed as some kind of reactionary regression or an accusation.
I've been on this site as long as you and post in the vegan channel in the discord sometimes. It was time for me to roll over my account because I've posted a lot of personal information on old ones and met up with some hexbears IRL. Cracker is funny and there's no such thing as "monogamophobia", etc, since poly, etc people have no power.
You wouldn't have felt the need to type out the longest post in your 4 day user history on hexbearand then delete it
I was making a joke about your supposed effortpost, I didn't write more than I posted.
Your trans experience doesn't give you insight into what separately existing cis/mono/allo/straight people want. People tell you that they want a loving relationship with one primary partner and you interpret that to mean men have been transformed into unthinking animals wanting fuckmeat. I mean hell. Even when you advocate for relationships that have some romantic components - a lot of people actively hate that! See "situationship", "fuckbuddy", etc - a lot of people want to either be a partner or a friend, with certain and definite terms and roles, so many that we have derisive words for some kinds of in-between relationships. You are overgeneralizing way too much. Like 2nd wave political lesbians but for polyam.
Why am I responding? I don't know, you posted something wrong in a struggle session. And yeah, my feelings are hurt when I see somebody shitting on things that are actually what I value and desire - cool how any response is not true but a robotic defense of cisheteronormativity that can be thoughtlessly brushed aside. If you want to vent in peace don't do it here, you've been around long enough to know that.
I don't see how your trans experience gives you insight into what cis/mono/allo/straight people want.
ofc you don't, cissies have no idea what their gonadotropines do to them. You have no idea how much of your sexuality is a malleable result of hormone levels.
If you want to vent in peace don't do it here, you've been around long enough to know that.
Yeah i've been around here long enough to know that way too many men here think women should not be allowed to vent about male dating habits on hexbear. Stop lying, stop making this about non-monogamy and acespec, you mysogynist piece of shit. We both know what your problem is. Go fuck yourself and for the love of god do not ever fuck a woman again, you gross piece of shit.
You don't know what my problem is but I can remote diagnose yours: being mad on the internet and expecting that spreading it to other people will make you less mad. Hope your day gets better. I am going to log off and have dinner with some of my close friends.
I also hate it how people in this thread are acting like men can’t control their emotions. Of course you can’t control who you’re attracted to, but you can control whatever comes after
Why are some insinuating that humans are wild animals
Of course you can’t control who you’re attracted to, but you can control whatever comes after
I find that the easiest way to get over romantic feelings for someone is to stop feeding energy to those emotions by reducing contact with them. That's incompatible with being close friends, at least in the short term. After things didn't work out with a girl I dated, we didn't talk for a month while we worked through things on our own terms, and now we're cautiously building a friendship. I certainly can't turn attraction on and off like a light switch.