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You have five minutes to talk to your pets where they can fully understand every word you tell them. What do you say?

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  • I love you all so much, I don't know if anyone can understand just how much. You make my life better in ways I can't explain.

    Jack, you're 15, and I know it's a long walk, but please stop peeing on any piece of fabric that lands on the floor. You're a cat, and your pee smells like ammonia's older brother who works out and doesn't shower.

    Monty, I know the IVDD makes it difficult for you to play and move around as much as you want, and I just need you to never jump off the bed again. That will make things better. I will always be here to carry you.

    Mary, Maizie, you're the babies, and I know you think you can jump off the bed, but just don't do it, and you won't end up with problems like Monty has. Also, stop pooping inside. You love going outside so much, you're always excited. Why do you hold it, and poop in your evil little poop hiding spots? Go poop outside, please!

    Daddy loves you all, and tonight I will make you all shredded chicken and carrots.

    • You should get some of those foam stairs for dogs, and train them to use them. Get a few, one for each accessible side of the bed, two for your couch.

      • We have ramps up onto the bed for them to get on. But they refuse to use them to get down. :/ Monty, the oldest, will just wait to be picked up unless there's some life threatening danger going (like I get up to go to the bathroom and don't take him with me. Lol). But the girls just superman off the bed no matter what I do. :(

        • They just might not be used to them. The way we do it with our couch is to literally buy 4 of those foam stairs and place it all along the front, and give them no choice but to use those stairs. For your bed, if you haven't already, you can train them to use the stairs going down using treats.

          I believe flat ground is more comfortable to them, so I do recommend stairs instead of ramps; do take me with a grain of salt, though, for I am no expert.

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