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You keep saying I need goals you docked me pretty significantly on my review saying I am "my device too much". Do i do my job? "Yes you do but...." but what? Leave me alone. Stick me on nights and afternoons only if you don't want to see me doing nothing after my tasks are completed. Otherwise assign me tasks and I will do them. Goals? You mean pointless extra work that turns into yet another organization wide box for everyone to check? Please.
Goals
What three things are you going to do to improve this year
Uh I figured I could get better at this core metric that I'm already adequate at
NO. Doing that is your normal job duties that you should be doing anyways, it can't be one of your goals.
Three of these every year, I dread it every time. I actually need figure some out ASAP.
Just pick something that's too abstract to measure, like mentorship or community building or safety awareness
A specific physical activity outside of work is a good one I relied on a lot. Blah blah, Harvard Business studied it, and found that exercise improved focus and productivity. I don't know if that's true, but Harvard has like a trillion campuses worldwide that put out all kinds of bullshit, so it probably is.
"It needs to be quantitatively measurable" kill me
I synergized mindfulness solutions by 30% last year but maybe I'm built different
Say you want to work on your cardio more.
I really should, I get winded easy as hell
Level up your magic stat
My goals are to kidnap everyone who's a boss, fire the board of directors, turn the whole company into a workers' co-op, and institute a Communist revolution.
"But you can't do that! That's illegal!"
Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to, buckaroo.