Dating apps are so fucking cursed
Dating apps are so fucking cursed
Isn't the entire point of the profile and matching system to filter incompatible people out? Why can I match with 50 people and not a single one wants to get a coffee or something after exchanging a few pleasantries? Everybody hates these things and yet they refuse to do anything IRL to get off them. Is there some Manchurian candidate activation codeword that I'm missing? I feel like everyone treats this shit solely as an ego booster and actually gets pissed off that anyone tries to interact with them. How do you meet people in hellworld if you don't drink?
Me after dozens of dead-end back-and-forths that lead to nowhere despite having shared interests and presumably being attracted to each other since we matched: 
Hmm, maybe it's the extreme commodification of relationships and atomization under capitalism that prevents you from getting anywhere with this garbage 
Nope, must be because @SuperZutsuki@hexbear.net didn't say my favorite "The Office" quote and send me a playlist with 50 of the greatest songs I've never heard that made me instantly fall in love with them. I have no idea what other people expect from these things but I'm not doing labor for someone that I don't even know is real. Thanks for reading my rant, any advice is appreciated.
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I seriously don’t understand how dating apps are even a thing. Do people don’t know how to make friends anymore?
If there is one thing online apps should be used for such purposes, it’s for making friends.
You have a hobby? Go and find like-minded people who share the same hobby, regardless of their genders and whether or not you’re attracted to them. Like, genuinely try to get to know someone without thinking about dating them or getting laid. You like photography? Go and find people who like the same as well - you already have at least one common interest to relate to, so don’t tell me you have nothing to talk about.
Hang out with your new friends, and because friends introduce friends to other friends, soon enough you will make more friends. Find someone you’re attracted to and they feel the same? Start hanging out more with one another. It’s that simple.
If you are introduced by a friend, then you are already one foot in the door - you’re already past the “creep” and “stranger” territory. In fact, you are already several steps ahead of someone trying to date through online dating apps. Let me ask you this: are you more likely to respond to someone who is introduced to you by a friend you trust, or some randoms who hit you up on dating apps that you know nothing about? The odds are heavily stacked in your favor.
It’s that easy. No stupid pickup artist bullshit like doing 1000 cold approaches to annoy people on the street (lol), no spending endless hours swiping on dating apps and wondering if you’re sending the perfect message or curating the most perfect profile. No, just show up to a friend’s gathering and enjoy talking to people, that’s all you need.
Seriously, I feel like the root cause of the problem is that people these days are so alienated in society that they have grown too afraid to socialize. Complaints like “no, I don’t want to talk to people who I imagine might say reactionary things that I don’t like!” are just excuses to stop oneself from interacting with real people in the real world.
If you’re too afraid to even socialize, how is dating app going to help?
Do people don’t know how to make friends anymore?
once you're out of college-age it gets pretty impossible and has been that way for decades in the US at least. even worse if you're any kind of ND and can't tell the difference between friendliness and interest because nobody is ever friendly.
when you're in college age they're hookup apps and i was lucky enough to get out before those really took hold.
I am in my mid-30s and I still meet people relatively frequently (less so since Covid, to be fair, but that’s on me as I’m still not very comfortable with large social gatherings). People just keep on inviting me to hang out. Sure, some of them are too immature for me these days, but I still meet people my age, many already in a relationship, but some are still single. And I’m not even in the market for dating/relationship, just enjoying meeting new friends.
Do you have hobbies or interests? It’s fairly easy to make new friends simply by meeting like-minded people at these activities/gatherings.
based on your description of your experience i cannot believe you are a real human being actually living in our capitalist hellworld.
It’s not that they don’t live in the same capitalist hell world I think the simple answer is that we used to call people like them things like “social butterflies”. Some ppl just got the juice and are loved by many.
I can assure you that I am nothing like that. I am an introvert myself and I can only say that I got “lucky” because when I first moved to my current city, I met a couple friends who are exactly like you described, and dragged me to social gatherings despite my reluctance. From there on, all you have to do is to show up, literally, when people ask you to hang out and start talking to people. Like genuinely take interest in people’s lives and hobbies, don’t even think about dating or getting laid. Just make friends. You don’t have to like everyone, nobody does, but please tell me you can at least make 1-2 connections out of, say, every 10 people.
i didn't mention anything about myself in that comment but I did make some assumptions about you, so I suppose it's owed. I moved to [large city] to meet ppl and hangout more easily too and thank god I could.
All I meant by my comment was that some ppl just take to socializing without really 'trying'. one's willingness and ability to meet ppl r dependent on innumerable circumstances that we can't (or at least, i don't want to rn) possibly address. I don't disagree that it's only a matter of time and persistence, but idk if I'd phrase it as 'just do it' lol
How so? I am serious. Just find an activity like participating in some voluntary work, whether it is in an animal shelter, a charity/humanitarian program or simply volunteer teaching for underprivileged kids, you will meet people. Are you telling me that it is impossible to meet people even this way?
What I would be saying is that I tried several other things, I meet people and have a good chat with them, and that's it. No invitations to anything else. Even if I try to actively exchange contact details, which is (I think at least) gladly accepted, it just goes into nothing. Maybe I'm just unlikable and thus no one wants to continue hanging out with me.
Like, how does this happen for you? Maybe you're a really funny person and people like having that around and thus invite you to get their fix of funny? Or something like that? Maybe you have some value you provide that I'm lacking, but I don't know what it is, because the conversations I have seem very pleasant, to me at least, and I'd like to continue them. But apparently not the other side.
I mean, I don’t know what your hobbies or passions are, so it’s going to be different for everyone I suppose. But you do have to be proactive in keeping touch if you want to hang out with them (remember they also don’t know if you are keen to hang out with them or it was just you being friendly), and if they also like your vibe, they will reciprocate, if not, then don’t be too bothered about it.
For example, if you both like photography, you can exchange Flickr accounts, show each other what you shoot, chat nerdy camera/photography technique shit, and maintain your communications from there.
For example, do you like cooking? Do you have a dish you just learned that you’re dying to let your friends taste? Say both of you love cooking, and have some dishes in mind, it’s pretty easy to organize a small gathering, invite a few friends over to try out your cooking.
Do you both like watching certain sports? You can suggest maybe next time there’s a match you guys should throw a watch party with a few friends? If you both like certain video games (which I’m not into) I suppose it’s even easier to play together.
Just don’t be like overly interested because that can come off as creepy, but surely it’s not that hard to bond over common interests?
Well yeah, I mean that generally works. But you said that this translates into other connections for you. I often meet someone doing something, and then we continue doing that thing together, talking about it. But it doesn't really result in new people being added, so it doesn't continue to build from there, like what you described.
it doesn't stick. nobody messages me first. No friends, only acquaintances.
additionally, i'll take loneliness over the physical torture of how covid takes you out, let alone the risk of long-covid. maybe they have competent government in your society?
Often it's like a "takes money to make money" situation. If you've already got a circle of friends then it's often much easier. If you have to start from zero (moving to a new city/country, recovering from previous toxic friendships, etc) it's much harder.
People just keep on inviting me to hang out.
lmao how tf? preposterous
Seriously, I feel like the root cause of the problem is that people these days are so alienated in society that they have grown too afraid to socialize. Complaints like “no, I don’t want to talk to people who I imagine might say reactionary things that I don’t like!” are just excuses to stop oneself from interacting with real people in the real world.
Not gonna lie I see some posts on this site that outright describe people in their community with the same vitriolic hatred that Timothy McVeigh describes brown people. Sure I bet there are alot of areas with right wingers, but I'm sorry but if everyone around you is a literal demon then have you ever thought about the fact that the common factor in all of your interactions with these people is you?
The emotional core of fascism is a deep misanthropy and I've seen so many young people who grew up with some socialization issues and a deepset hatred of other people latch onto communist politics and then become some sort of fascist or right-winger later in life. I don't care about how epic you think your Maoism-Third Worldism is, I've seen enough of those people become Nazis or Haziods that I can clearly see a pattern in that sort of psychological framework to be incredibly sus of that sort of sentiment.
Even people I mostly agree with are not immune to the crabs in a bucket mentality.