Couple goal rules

It's actually 10 hours of quarter-assed energy, because it only speeds up your metabolism half as much.

The correct answer is that it gives you 3.5 hours at 70% of the energy boost.

pick a side you spineless fencesitter
- It's this one here, Jedi sir.

So quirky! Did they pull out their sp0rks and duel???

Oh no, it’s t3h PeNgU1N oF d00m.
We are so quirky, even the people in the improve show thought we were soooo random. Some people said we should be on stage because of how random and quirky our conversations are.
Is a spork a spoon with an added fork, or is it a fork with an added spoon?
- Spoon with fork properties. A fork with spoon properties would require adding material back in, whereas the former is just removing a bit of material to create the prongs.

Caffeine has a half-life in the human body of approximately 4-6 hours. So this means that the "5 hours" in 5hr Energy is just the amount of time it takes for your body to process half the caffeine away.

Therefore drinking half of a 5hr Energy would be 0 hours of the advertised level of energy. At best it would be like drinking a 5hr Energy and then immediately fast-forwarding 5 hours

So 5 hours of half-assed energy
- Not even. I can't speak for others but the effects of 5hr Energy pretty much disappear after those 5 hours are up. Half the caffeine dose isn't enough to do much of anything, at least for me. So it's essentially a waste. I'm sure it depends on things like BMI but to get 5hrs of half-assed energy you'd need to consume 3/4ths of a dose, which would leave you with roughly half the experience of a 5hr Energy (that is, half the difference between the caffeine in your system immediately after drinking one dose and 5hrs after drinking one)
It took me until your comment to realise I had skimmed over the word "half" in the OP. Now this whole thing makes sense.
I’ve never taken a 5hr energy. Are they really just caffeine shots?
- Kinda. From the CVS website:
  
  Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Vitamin B3 (Niacin), Citicoline, Tyrosine, Phenylalanine, Taurine, Malic Acid, Glucuronolactone, Caffeine. Other Ingredients: Purified Water; Natural and Artificial Flavors; Sucralose; Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate and EDTA.
  
  So, Caffeine for sure. But the b-complex, and Taurine will also give you a boost, for entirely different reasons. Half this stuff is psuedo-scientific at best, and the rest just filler.
5 hour energy drinks are not just caffeine, which is what sets them apart from other energy drinks. Vitamin B12 and shit like that.
- As far as I'm aware, unless you're already B12 deficient, the B12 in 5hr Energy doesn't do much of anything because it already hangs around in your blood stream for a long, long time. Half life on B12 in the body is something like 6 days and excess is even stored in the liver instead of excreted.
  
  Can't speak to the other ingredients but I'd guess it's all the same: either it's already available in abundance if you're eating a decent diet, or the half life is close to that of caffeine

How else can you pronounce egg?

My Midwestern ex wife pronounced it "aig"

A long "a" sound. I'm a Southerner so for me it's egg. With a eh sound.
- Ohh yeah, I have heard "aig" before. I didn't even think of that as a different pronounciation, just an accent.
The 'G's are pronounced like the G in GIF
With a soft 'g'
- You're so eggy
The first "g" is silent
- No. The second G is silent. What's wrong with you?
In New Zealand, it’s pronounced “ig”
- You know you're pronouncing egg wrong when you have to spell it some other way.
Ey
You could say "eygg" or "uurggs". So many options.
Everyone I've come across from NZ says it like igg, so there's that one, too. Aussies have a weird vowel to it that I hear at times, too.
- New Zealand Style Dick Sealant

If anyone is looking for the real answer then the half life of caffeine is 6 hours.

The almost correct answer in half-assed energy for 6 hours

Thank you, you're a very knowledgeable caveman ^^

Since caffeine drops exponentially, it would last somewhere between 2.5 and 5 hours and would be half as strong.

The only time I took one of those during a night road trip it have me a really big boost for about an hour and then about 3 hours of half assed energy. It wasn't fun

Permanently Deleted
- Aurora Borealis? At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely within eastern Colorado?

Similar story here, my youngest just graduated college. And apparently my family sat in front of one of his neighbors who I met later at the a house party. And he goes "I'm pretty sure I sat behind you at the ceremony. I sat down and the first thing I heard was 'god bless those Australians, they took one look at a whole onion and said 'I bet you we can fry that and Americans will eat it''"

Outback is American. ☹️
- Don't do this to me

I’m jealous of both of them individually.

eg or eguh

apparently you’ve never heard of aeg