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  • White bread, untoasted, thin sliver of marg, feed them to your auntie with weak tea in a china mug and, for dessert, get out Mr Kipling's French Fancies or a couple of slices of Battenberg. Make yourself a few ham and cheese butties with a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch and a glass of crap pop (probably lemonade).

    No substitutions accepted.

31 comments