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I take fluoxetine. It doesn't have an immediate physical effect like Tylenol, Gravol, and the like. The effect builds up with time. I would describe it as feeling like "quiet". Fluoxetine gave me the ability to quiet bad thoughts. From there, I had more stability to climb out from the pit of despair and anxiety.
The first few days (maybe two weeks or so) after starting, I slept a lot. Where I used to go to bed at 11:30pm and wake up at 5am, I was now out like a light at 8pm. My brain was finally quiet, so I could feel my body's exhaustion.
The next thing I noticed is that I was able to let small annoyances slide. I used to be triggered by stuff like someone playing music too loudly in the bus. Instead of hyperfixating on that sound and ruminating for the entire bus ride, I could now let it fade in the background and think of something else.
After a few weeks, I noticed less crying, less blowing up at my partner, and less panic spirals. That time and energy I could now put into other stuff: chores, hobbies, socializing. I wanted to be happy and I felt empowered to make it happen, rather than at the whim of the exterior world.
While fluoxetine greatly diminished my lows, it also muted my highs. In my manic-ish days I felt "happy" for hours, and often hypersexual. Now my happiness was different, like... instead of going on fun rollercoasters and having my heart race, I was now sitting in a cozy armchair with a cup of tea and a snack, and my heart was peaceful. I do have a lower libido, which is tough on my partner. (OTOH I now contribute a lot more to household tasks, so it events out lol.) I do miss the euphoria I used to be able to feel, but I don't wish it back because I know the price I had to pay for it.
I would describe it as feeling like "quiet". Fluoxetine gave me the ability to quiet bad thoughts. From there, I had more stability to climb out from the pit of despair and anxiety.
The next thing I noticed is that I was able to let small annoyances slide. I used to be triggered by stuff like someone playing music too loudly in the bus. Instead of hyperfixating on that sound and ruminating for the entire bus ride, I could now let it fade in the background and think of something else.
This is the best description of my personal change as well. Medicine won't fix a single one of life's annoyances or solve your problems or help your relationships. What they will do is remove what I would describe as an emotional stickiness.
Like the noisy bus rider you mentioned, that alone is something I can easily deal with now. But back before medication, that frustration would just stick in my brain. And then thoughts of other people doing things from my past would creep in and stick to the initial annoyance. Every minor problem would stick to anything else I could remember, so now instead of a tiny, temporary problem, I had to suddenly deal with every problem I could remember.
Now the thoughts about unrelated things don't creep in, and I can deal with the minor annoyance without everything else.
Other people's comments have mentioned many other effects similar to what I had, but your comment is the only one that mentioned the persistent focus in negative things and the thought creep, or at least that's how I read it.
But back before medication, that frustration would just stick in my brain.
Yes! Exactly that. What you call emotional stickiness I call spiralling. Before meds, once something upset me it was nearly impossible to stop. That minor annoyance made me feel anxious and upset, which in turn reminded me of other times I felt that way, and it all amplified.
I'm glad you're in a better place. Remember, if you can't make your own neurotransmitters, store-bought are fine. 👍
I'm glad you are too!
My partner is also on treatments for bipolar, so between us it does make planning...romantic encounters very difficult as well, but as you said too, we both prefer each other leveled out as opposed to dealing with each other at our extremes. We'd probably be a disaster if we were both doing poorly at once. We still have a very friendly love for each other though, which helps fill the gap left in the physical things. I'm sure it help that it's similar for both of us, than if it was just one of us on mood numbers.
Omg same! Like everything just feels more mellow. My happiness feels sorta like "meh", but not in a bad way.