If you're not part of the group, then don't use it. I'd say maybe the only exception is "queer". I'm fine with people using queer to describe their friends and family who are queer. Not everyone is OK with it though, but it's pretty common. With queer, don't use it unless the person you're talking to self identifies as queer.
As much as we might like to say terms can be reclaimed the judge of that is the listener... you need to comprehend how all the people you're talking to or who hear your words repeated will feel about it - just avoid derogatory terms.
Has that ever actually worked? Cause I know no examples of universally "reclaimed" words. Just some that are fine if you strictly use them to refer to yourself.