the Automattic cult acolyte onboarding guide, enjoy using all our systems whose names are puns on "Matt"

My fucking god this is too stupid, I never thought of this because it's so fucking stupid

first cult leader?

I stumbled on the landing page and this shit’s somehow even worse in context:

If you are reading this on automattic.com, and you don’t currently work at Automattic you’ll see a selected set of pages that will give you a sense of our onboarding and welcome documents from the Field Guide. Over time, we hope to add more.

fuck me. I swear to you my ears are ringing from how corporate twee this bullshit is, and you’re telling me there’s more of it? thank fuck they let the public know there’s infinite free swag though (limit $250/year or you’ll get a visit from the Human League cause they can’t have you do anything crazy like donate Matt’s swag or repurpose it)

It’s confusing at first. You won’t know where what is and who is doing what. If you do get to know all that after a time, it is perfectly possible that it’ll change or even already has. Also tell us how you did it.

The only correct approach is to embrace the chaos, not fight it. As Buddha says:

Chaos is inherent in all compounded things. Strive on with diligence.

oh fuck off with this. your company barely functioning isn’t a strength, it’s just a shitty thing that’s burning out your employees.

but for real though… do you think Matt sees himself as a Buddha-like figure? do you think that’s what’s going through his head when he throws an extremely online rich boy tantrum?

You too, like all of us, will become a strange attractor.

this is it, we’ve found the portal to startup hell