Is it normal to still like being feminine and doing feminine things as a transmasc?
Is it normal to still like being feminine and doing feminine things as a transmasc?
I'm a transmasc demiboy, but I don't really like to present myself very masculine. I still love wearing skirts, I like painting my nails, even wearing light makeup.
I'm not happy about the idea of having facial hair or a deeper voice, which is why I have not yet started HRT, even though I'll probably need to in some capacity since I do want phalloplasty in the future.
I also have no desire for top surgery since I don't want to lose sensation in my nipples, and I don't want to have scars on my chest. They don't bother me anyway, they're small (about an A cup). Just about the only masculine thing I do is that I cut my hair short, not super short, but still shorter than what would be considered feminine.
Is this normal? Does anyone else have similar experiences? I've been told I don't act enough like a boy and that I need to be more masculine.
as i understand it, being told to behave more like a man is a common experience of being a boy, so seems like you're doing it right to me
slightly depressing jokes aside, your identity isn't determined by how you dress yourself, it's determined by what you say and believe you are
that said, not everyone is able to discern the distinction. that doesn't mean they'll never understand... but it might require your own rock solid belief in what you are, and explaining the difference, for some people to understand it
it's a harder path, especially if you want people to understand you and see you how you are... it's easier to be gender conforming for a reason, you know? but you can take that information into account and act according to your preferences, balancing between your expression and your desire to conform. there's no wrong answer
for what it's worth, it's a reasonably common sentiment that i've heard amongst transmascs, to enjoy feminine expression a lot more post transition. usually reluctantly expressed due to a desire to pass
for myself, i was content to dress quite femininely for a long time. recently, i've started working out and putting on muscle, which i've enjoyed a lot... but it does make dressing in a pretty way very challenging. i got too big for over half of my wardrobe... sigh. i'll get back to it, one day
as a last note, phallo doesn't require HRT as a prerequisite, the way meta does. unless, of course, your doctor specifically requires it, which is fairly commonplace but unfortunate. i imagine that's the case for you, but i figured i'd include this note on the slim chance it wasn't
hope this all helps you on your journey
Comments so far seems to be mostly telling you that you are valid, and I would also like to start off by affirming that, but I would also like to try to directly address your question.
Let's say, for the sake of argument, (what? Ben Shapiro doesn't own that phrase) that the behaviour and feelings you describe are not normal for transmascs. What does that mean for you? Is the transmasc label important to you? Would you change things about yourself to confirm to normal transmasc-ness? Or would you try to find a different label? When you describe yourself as a transmasc demiboy, what is it specifically you are trying to convey about your identity?
Whatever you are, or want to be, is valid, and I guarantee there's a bunch of people who will feel a similar way. Between "he/him lesbians" and "afab femboys" etc. there's a whole world of people who probably have similar feelings, and if you are feeling some conflict between your own identity and the transmasc label, maybe it's just a case of trying a slightly different label? Or just describe yourself as transmasc anyway if you want to? No one said you have to be normal.
You can act however you feel. If someone is telling you to be more masculine or feminine, they are an asshole. It's all a sexy spectrum and no one is under any obligation to act any certain way in terms of gender expression. Be your true self, the world will be better and more interesting for it.
"In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million earth-type planets...and in all the universe, three million million galaxies like this one. And in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us."
Doctor Leonard McCoy
Everything that makes you you is a miracle. Don't suppress it.
I’ve been told I don’t act enough like a boy and that I need to be more masculine.
Hey that sounds super-affirming (/s)!
Check it tho, it can be super affirming if you want because even cis amabs like me get told they're not masculine enough, allllll the time! Welcome to the man club bro lol look in your back pocket it's your man card you walked in with it cuz you've been here all along. The secret of man land is ain't none of us ever masculine enough to be the "real men" ideal we only think we want to be. You're valid whatev kind of man you are
I have only recently started to question my gender identity (in the last year or so) so I'm no elder queer but In observing the trans/gender queer community I can say I've seen a fair amount of transmasc that enjoy having a cutesy aesthetic so I'd say it's not crazy out of the ordinary. The most important thing is to be true to yourself and what you want. Dont be something or some way based on anything someone else says you should be.
Speaking directly to your point, I was hanging around a transmasc thread once where i recall a dude was confused as they were feeling dysphoria from the test being too effective. They were getting "too rock hard and beardy and short-tempered". They man they wanted to be was "the cool little funny dude not a wolverine beef boi" and i hope that's where they're at now
You do you, it's normal to express yourself how you feel. And if you feel masc but like feminine stuff, go for it
Yeah being a bit feminine made it take longer for me to crack my egg because all trans men I encountered in media (not many) and irl dislike femininity. But once my egg cracked I got to know some other transmascs who like to do feminine drag or have long hair and wear dresses.
Obviously the way you like to dress should not be relevant to your gender identity but people are so stuck in the gender binary that they can’t comprehend a trans demiboy who likes to wear skirts. I’d suggest looking for queer spaces in your area that are more open minded so you can feel safe to explore your identity.
One, like everyone else has said, you're completely valid regardless of how you choose to present or what parts of medical transition you do and don't choose to do.
Two, the stereotypical medical transition isn't the only option available. For top surgery, the stereotypical double mastectomy with nipple grafts like I had isn't always the only option - you're probably a great candidate for periariolar and keyhole types of top surgery, both of which should leave you with virtually invisible scaring and leave you with full nipple sensation after recovery, and both options are fairly commonly available.
Also, DHT is the form of testosterone that is responsible for most of the downstairs growth, and it can be made into a topical cream - there's a few surgeons who recommend it before bottom surgery but it's very hard to get in the US and I'm mostly just mentioning this because there may be a way to get just the effects you want in this instance, but for so many reasons this option is a lot less likely.