2mo ago

War on Christmas, Fully-Funded and Operationalized

26 comments

Fat fuck has it coming. He knows what he did. That bastard called me a HO not once but THREE TIMES.
- And he's been stealing my cookies for years!
  
  And yer mum's for a generation more.

NORAD tracks Santa every year to make sure he doesn't get into any funny business.

You're drawing North Pole as an island? It's obviously a vertical stick, hence the name.

Why not just nuke the North Pole from orbit? It's the only way to really be sure the elves don't replace Santa with a murderous robot version.
- They'll just relocate to Neptune. It's basically like playing whack-a-mole.
- Because that would require an extremely high orbital inclination. The vast majority of weapons packages in space would be angled more like Starlink to cover only habitable areas of the world.
  
  Santa lives on the north pole, sounds habitable to me.

You come for the Kring, you best not miss.
- So don't use a PAC-3, it's length of reach is clearly flaccid.

Each missile should have "Happy Holidays" painted on the side.

No Sadaam?
- It's hard to tell but he's in one of Santa's presents.
  
  Dang he's getting good at this

All joking aside I want to immolate whoever came up with this war on Christmas shit. Christmas is an ever growing abomination of a holiday that just grows and grows, and frankly speaking I would prefer not to have consumerist embodiment of the fucking Tyranids expand into August.
- The war on Christmas will continue until it ends its illegal occupation of November.
  
  I enjoy Christmas and Halloween cultures equally though I know that can be a perilous position to hold these days.
  Now look I understand the view of Whole November supporters but that ship has sailed after the Black Friday Accord was signed. That is the decision and rules all sides agreed to live by. That said the Thanksgiving Parallel CANNOT be crossed without decisive response.
  But don't even get me started on the Solstice-Equinox Purists
- Gonna get credible for a minute, all made the fuck up
  There are two Christmasses in my eyes. "Corporate Christmas", with ever expanding Black Friday sales and Mariah Carey hitting FM radio before Halloween is even over (no really it was a thing in my area one year). Widely seen as a big cash grab, companies are seeing what they can get away with. It's super annoying but people can't really do a lot about it other than saying it's too soon and vote with their wallet, but it takes time to change things that way.
  Then there is the more traditional "Jesus Christmas" which has been about the same over the years but has recieved some pushback from secular people. You can put Santa everywhere to represent Christmas but not a nativity scene because it's considered religious. It has legal precedent so it's easier to do something about it but it doesn't stop Corporate Christmas people.
  And that pisses traditional people off because depite disliking Corporate Christmas more than most they get targeted anyway. So they say there's a war on Christmas and people respond with "what are you talking about (Corporate) Christmas is as big as it's ever been" and they're both right

I'm not sure they could shoot Santa down, the bells on the reigns can be used for chaff so radar tracking is out, I doubt the IR signature of some deer and a large man in a snow suit are high enough for a missel to track. That leaves emi once Santa turns off his transponder norad won't be able to track him.

Ha, as if that'll stop him There's a reason why Rudolf got a red nose.

how can that bitch breathe

Santa Flies with an f35 escort to penetrate contested airspace.

That’s Ok, he doesn’t visit the US anymore anyhow, something about us having enough Coal for the entire world.

26 comments