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How do you guys cope?

I'm 35, with diagnosed ADHD and brain scarring. My memory feels so fried and it's almost Impossible to finish a task. Where I live it's almost Impossible to get actual medication for something. Doc always gives herbal treatments and it helps nothing.

Is there a way to help myself without meds?

37 comments
  • See 2nd half of the post for some tips.

    I'm going to echo what some others said: medication is usually effective and often so much so it feels like cheating. I know you've mentioned it's impossible to get it where you live, but it's very likely you are wrong about it:

    Several years ago I moved back to my home country (Poland) only to learn that according to local regulation there is no such thing as an adult with ADHD. They reluctantly admit that ADHD exists, but only as a childhood condition. On top of that most doctors don't like or straight up won't prescribe anything psychoactive, even antidepressants. It took me a while to find a doctor that would prescribe me the meds I need, only to learn that what I was taking for years was not available in the country, so every 3 months I've had to go through entire target import procedure to get 90 days worth of pills.

    It's hard to get those meds in many countries, but people who need them and manage to get them share their experiences. Do some searching and you might find some help.

    General tips:

    • try to do small tasks immediately when you learn you have to do something
    • if you can't do something immediately write it down. anything not done or written down immediately has been cast into the void ;-)
    • always carry a notepad and something to write on you
    • increase friction of switching to something else. Sit down at an empty desk to do work, so you have to get up to do something else. Keep your phone in a pocket with a zipper, so you have to unzip it to take it out
    • minimize impact. I tend to put down whatever I'm holding if distracted and completely forget where I put it, so I put an easily accessible catch-all bowl in every room. Most of the time I only have check the bowls
    • routine is your friend, it makes it harder to get sidetracked and increases the part of your life that happens on autopilot
    • if you see you are getting things done keep the flow going. don't reward yourself with a break until you are ready do nothing productive for the rest of the day

    Working at a desk/on a computer:

    • remove absolutely everything from your desk that you can. ideally it's mouse, keyboard, monitor. avoid having any snacks on the desk too.
    • if you have people walking around you or behind your screen move or try to block them. A cubicle is surprisingly ADHD friendly
    • block sound distractions. listening to regular music might not be a good fit here, but myNoise or focus@will works great for me
    • phone in a pocket/purse. notifications off. if it has to be on the desk put it as far to the side as possible and screen down
    • if you have people at work who are constant distractions have a serious conversation with them. after that conversation every time they interrupt what you are doing make sure to remind them: "I told you it's going to take me half an hour to focus again, please be more mindful of that"
    • disable all notifications and if you have to have them enabled set up filters to minimize what you see. Surprisingly in most workplaces checking you email 1-3 times a day is more than enough
  • My 2 pennies - forget positive affirmation. Don't believe people that tell you that you can make it work if you change your attitude.

    You sound depressed. Failing all the time will do that.

    You need to explore your limits thoroughly and stay chill when you fail. Treat it as an experiment. Once you have a solid grasp of exactly what you can and cannot do, then you can start setting goals for yourself.

    Experiment with every cognitive aiding technique you can find. Keep looking for new ones.

    Dont worry about tasks or goals, just focus on you. You are the task, you are the goal.

  • Medication for me has been a life-changer, it sucks that you don't even get that option. But medicine isn't the only tool available, and it doesn't always get me all the way to a good mental state.

    For those days where meds aren't available, or I need a bit of extra support, body doubling does the trick. Having someone else work alongside you, not even on the same tasks, get me focused and motivated and productive. I clean much better if a friend is on their laptop answering emails in the same room, and I focus more easily on work with someone else in the office. It works on video or phone calls as well, when you need to Finish That Thing, put on headphones and call someone and chitchat while getting started and the rest of the call can be almost silent. Though this works best with more mindless tasks. For focusing task a muted video call can do the trick, that way you can glance up and see the other person working but not have to focus on answering questions, and you can even have music on simultaneously.

    Speaking of music: music is super powerful. Energetic music can make you energetic, happy music you can sing along to makes you happy, and music with a steady beat but no or very uncomplicated/discreet vocals help me keep focused, particularly when listening to others in online meetings or doing complicated brainy tasks.

    Physical activity is another big one. Back in school the days we had to attend in person I would use every break (and ask for extra breaks if the time ran on) to run up and down the stairs, or take a very brisk walk a few laps around the block. Now I have a walking pad in front of the computer so I never have to sit down and get stuck. Running or resistance training daily or every other day, and every other form of workout, is popular with ADHDers for a reason - moving around and tiring out our bodies also tires out the hyperactivity in the mind and makes it easier to focus. If you can get out into nature that also does a lot to get the brain working, like having a phone meeting while taking a walk in the park/forest.

    And finally: accept that you have specific needs and that you function when those needs are met. It can be taking more frequent breaks, making sure to eat something every three hours, asking for time extensions on tests, working with headphones, body doubling and asking for help, setting timers to remember to have a hydration break (drink water and pee), drawing on your mirrors with whiteboard markers to remember if you've brushed your teeth, etc...

    There's a lot you can do to improve your situation even without medication.

  • Exercise makes a big difference for me. Running outside is where I find the biggest impact. Something about the repetitive motion, being in a different, constantly changing environment and time to myself helps me center myself, and helps even afterwards (usually a day or two.) I know running isn't for everyone, but you might try some sort of exercise that you enjoy.

    I also have a standing desk and recently got a cheap walking treadmill that can move under it or out of the way, and those sometimes help when I'm finding it impossible to focus. I realize the treadmill isn't accessible to everyone, but I've literally made a standing desk out of boxes a couple times, if you want to just give it a try.

    I know that neither of these are guaranteed, but might be worth a try to see if they help a bit. Good luck and I hope you find some things that help a bit.

    • I can confirm that I a lot more capable after a good run. Like I can do hard things.

      Lifting weights also feels good, but I feel that more in my body than my mind.

    • Running is one of my hobbies, I just on auto pilot, I use the time to over think everything in my life 😅😅😅

  • I just don't really care. Don't need to be "functional" if you don't expect to do anything much. I'm just happy with whatever :)

    Also I do finish things. Just with lots of interruptions and forgetting in between.

  • Sending love from another part of the world my friend, not being able to get actual medical care for a debilitating issue sounds miserable 🫂

37 comments