Aotearoa Daily Kōrero 26/10/2023

Not much and I need to spend more. All my friends are extremely long term so I don't need to do much to keep the relationship. I am trying to make new friends and they would probably require more regular effort maybe talking on a weekly basis.

These days, zero. I'm not sure why exactly, maybe it's because I've become older, or maybe I just don't have the social energy anymore, or maybe I've just become jaded and came to realize I'm probably not cut out for friendships.

It's not like I didn't try mind you, I've been to several of those Reddit meetups over the years, but in the end, nothing happened. Don't get me wrong, I did meet some good people there, we had interesting conversations and it was generally a good time, but nothing ever materialized into an actual friendship. In fact, I think I regressed further into my shell instead of getting better - my last Reddit meetup (which was about an year ago I think) was such a disaster for me. After greeting a few familiar faces and a few new ones and making some small talk, I found myself isolated, sitting all by myself despite being in the middle of a crowd. After what felt like an eternity of awkward isolation, I couldn't bear it any longer and just walked away. Haven't been to a single meetup since then.

Despite that setback, I still hadn't given up on the idea of making friends. I joined an NZ Discord server which was made specifically for making friends. It was a nice place, had the occasional dramas of course, but mostly fun - we had jackbox games, movie nights, question of the days, and discussions centered around various topics etc. Several IRL meetups were organized too, but I couldn't find the motivation to go to any of them. One of my issues was that most of the people there were quite young (mainly in their early 20s, with even some teens thrown into the mix)... and I just didn't see myself fitting in. We were at different phases of life and on different wavelengths. I felt like I was forcing myself to fit in, like that "fellow kids" meme.

Well, there was one guy who was my age, who is now a mod/admin there and is deeply involved in growing the community - we even have some similar interests like computers and stuff - but somehow, I just can't find the motivation to meet up with him. In fact, I haven't even been active in that community for several months now - at first I had a legit excuse being that I wanted to concentrate on my job search etc, but now, even though I have a job and I'm settled down, I just don't have the motivation to go back to that community any more.

So I've come to realize that maybe I just like the idea of having friends, but in reality, I can't commit to the effort it requires to making and maintaining friendships. I think I value my own personal time more. I mean, given a choice between going to an event to meet up with potential friends v/s staying at home and reading a book, 9/10 times I'd prefer the latter. But even if I do choose to go out and meet up, it always remains a casual affair, so in the end it's just another way to pass time - which I can just as well do at home, right? To clarify, even now I'm not against the idea of meeting up with new people, it's just that I can't think of it as anything else other than just passing time, and have given up on the idea that it could eventually turn into a friendship. As a result, I've now basically stopped trying actively look for friends, and have left it up to fate. I've acknowledged that I can't be arsed to put effort into it, but if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, then no big deal I guess.

I'm usually quite introverted unless it's someone I'm already close with.

I've recently entered my 30's and never really like going out to town for a booze up.

So ever since Uni ended, I've seen myself go out less and less, and spend more and more time at home with my partner doing something together, or working on one of my hobbies. I think moving in with my partner was a big shift - as I really didn't feel the need to regularly go out.

Might go out once a fortnight? to meet some friends in a small group or one-on-one. I'm pretty content with that - though I don't have a large social group.

Not enough, especially since covid. I know it's really good for me but I find it hard to do, partly because most of my remaining friends are where I used to live or scattered around, partly because losing the ability to socialise like a normal person has gradually given me social anxiety and I know I have little to offer most people.

But I know spending time with friends is really good for the spirit. Thanks for today's thought. It's a good reminder.

Over the years I've worked with lots of cool people, and I regularly have coffee or lunch with some that I'm closer to, and drinks with groups of people who get on well together.

I'm generally quite introverted but enjoy socialising in short bursts, so it works well for me. Having kids is helpful as an excuse for after work drinks because I can say I'll come for the first hour but then need to get home to help with kid's bed time.

I remember reading on reddit a few years back that people who had moved here found it weird how little interaction kiwis have with their friends, and how little socialising colleagues did even when they got on well, so these days I make a special effort.

Absolutely zero. I'm 57 and all my close friends don't live in NZ. That means I only really have work acquaintances, which aren't real friends (as nice as they are).
Sure there is the occasional beer here and there, but that's about it.

So I surround myself with my hobbies. I have a lathe, a milling machine, and a ton of tools. I make stuff, I fix stuff ( for me and other people). I also have my bicycles, so when I'm not in my workshop I'm out on one of my mountain bikes (not electric! I like to pedal). I like my own company.

But, jeez, it would be nice to have a close mate nearby. I only have myself to blame for not trying harder, which leads me to the problem I have... My personal feeling is I fear others will see my trying to make friends as a sign of desperation. How can he get to 57 and not have friends? He must be creepy....

So I ride a bike. Then I wash it. Then have a beer. LOL

I find it fairly easy to make "casual" friends, and I have a few different things I do to catch up with people. Not so easy to make good friends, and the close friends I have I don't get around to seeing too often (everyone's pretty busy)....

Group chats can be quite a cool thing these days if you manage to get some going... I've got a group of friends in various places around the world who I chat with on Signal...

I am trying to spend more, but I would be lucky to have a once per week outing with friends. That comes with the territory of being a single parent and working full time.

Covid kinda messed me up. Barely keeping in touch with anyone, wasting away the days. And then it's hard even now to get back to socialising.

After having ADHD diagnosis and being put on meds it's easier. I think half of my introversion was just because my mind wouldn't shut up. It's hard to be social in that state.

I'm definitely not turning into an extroverted party animal, most of the things I love doing are introverted by nature. I'm starting to get to know a few familiar faces while mountain biking which is nice.

Get outside like absGeekNZ suggested, or there is Kelly Tarltons.

Could go explore the old military bunkers on the mountain in Devonport.

Go hunt for critters in rock pools. I loved doing that as a kid.

Jump is probably a bit too much for < 2, but there are places like Extreme Entertainment that have kiddy ballpits and stuff.

If the weather is nice, go for a bush walk. My kids love just running around in the trees, finding treasures like rocks or cool sticks.

Good luck with the build, I hope you find what you are looking for.