The girl inside has won - My first euphoria
The girl inside has won - My first euphoria
So this was me, a couple of weeks ago.
Up until last night I was still struggling, until I watched a trans affirmation video, the part where the woman filming it instructs you to repeat your feminine name aloud to yourself.
This is something I had never actually done before, and the power of the right name, one that is really yours, is truly astonishing. It only took saying it a couple of times for the euphoria to hit so hard I couldn't stop crying. And that was kind of it for me, really.
What's the point of having an easy life and money in your savings account if you want to throw yourself off a building every day?
I don't really have a choice anymore, even though it would maybe be easier and safer if I could reject her. Amelia is just who I am.
So what should your newest girl buy herself to celebrate falling to the radical trans agenda? (:
Buy a skirt and make it go spinny
Congrats Amelia! Maybe buy yourself an orchid or something :)
Happy for you Amelia, and you have a beautiful name :)
Awww, I'm so happy for you Amelia! Happy and PROUD of you for working through your emotions and exploring what truly makes you happy!
So what should your newest girl buy herself to celebrate
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Nail polish! If we are starting with first things first, then do something that will make you feel from your point of view. We spend our entire lives looking at our hands! Rings and jewelry for the same reason. The beauty of this is that it all comes off depending on where you are or how "out" you are going to be with people.
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Liquid eyeliner and some basic "nude" eyeshadow pallets are also a great thing to start playing around with. Don't get discouraged if it at first things don't turn out the way you hope, just keep in mind that girls in middile school also have crappy makeup because they are using it for the first time too, it's just a pure pratice thing. Start with aiming for a good cat eye, there are tools and stencils to make it easier. Most cashiers and strangers in the world look you in the eye initially, so if you can femme it up that will go a looooong ways to help with people understanding how you want to be treated.
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To this end, if you can work up the courage to go a eyebrow place you'd be honestly shocked how much your face can change with a good arched brow. Doesn't matter if you boy mode there, they won't ask questions nor care, but they are also professionals so they will also know what you mean if you ask for a more "feminine look".
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Lastly, find some other trans women IRL, look around your area for a support group. These ladies will have so much more experince in your area, while also understanding completely where you are coming from. Online friends are great, but IRL ones are life savers! Now that you understand your dysphoria, it can sometimes get worse as your mind now knows exactly what to focus on, get some girlfriends to bitch about it with over drinks. I promise it's a game changer!
I hope this helps! I remember my eye cracking as a scary confusing time too, but happier days of clarity are ahead! You did the hard part already, defeating the transphobe in your own head is always the first and hardest obstacles.
Once again, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU for getting to the end of these emotions instead of just repressing. Let us know when you have questions! ♥ 💕
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Thigh high socks.
Euphoria is certainly nice whatever the cause.
Happy for you Amelia.Welcome on the outside, Amelia!
What's the one piece of Accessoires you ever was told that it was for girls? Buy that and wear it proudly. Fuck the internalised transphobia!
Dress go spinny
Buy a trans flag and hang it in your home, left wrinkled of course ;)
I know exactly what you mean about not having a choice. That is what sealed the deal for me. When you're willing to take on the long scary journey that is transitioning, especially as AMAB which involves giving up lots of privilege in the process, that is kinda the point of no return.
Fortunately for me it has not been anywhere near as bad as I feared in the worst case. In fact it has been such a wonderful experience, I have a lot of hope for 2024, my third year of transition.
good luck Amelia, and don't be afraid to lean on us for advice, we have to look after eachother.