It's dangerous to go alone. Take this.
It's dangerous to go alone. Take this.
Based off a post I made on Reddit a while back. Hope y'all enjoy.
Edit: Since people are mentioning it - the stat buffs do not matter. I was being silly when I threw those in. But yes, the scale is 0-100.
The mask, the penny, and (depending on how hand-wavey you get) the glasses, are on a different power level than the other two.
7 extra hours of life per day, at full rest?
On demand money(gambling), or better(anything else, like applying at a school), though unreliably, once a month?
Auto-navigate to your desired outcome when other people are involved?
Yeah, life-breaking shit
Ok, the mask if you are actually rested and not just "feeling rested". Being hit with the physical effects of sleep deprivation and having organs start failing after a couple weeks would be a real problem.
Otherwise, that damn penny. Knowing that I have 12 hours of "I win" without any real limitation, even if it ends up being 12 hrs/month, would be obscenely broken. None of the other artifacts even come close. I make sure I always flip on a Monday at about 8am, if it's heads, I apply for jobs I want and trade some stocks until about 1 pm, then go for a walk and see what goodness I can fall into for my life. Head home around 6pm with 2 hours of perfect luck left which I spend working on the cure for Autoimmune diseases and Cancer. Once I have enough wealth built up and have found plenty of cures to Salk the hell our of to piss off the pharma companies, I start working on Nuclear Fusion. Continue this pattern until I get bored.
The coin, because I can flip every two weeks to attempt total world domination, and it has a pretty high chance of succeeding somehow. Or just more mundane things like flipping to win the jackpot.
The slick talker glasses are also pretty overpowered, you can achieve much the same as with the penny if you can just give a quick speech and everyone in the room either tries to fuck you or be you five minutes later.
But my heart is with the quick sleeper mask, I’m never really rested after waking up and also procrastinate going to bed all the time. Getting a full rest in one hour sounds like the dream
Coin
Look, the glasses are nice and all, but they don't give you a 50% change to win the lottery and randomly realise a way to prove/disprove the Riemann hypothesis every two weeks
I wonder how this works with elections. In my country, the votes are counted within 12 hours. When I'm voting on a party, I am attempting to make said party the largest one. Does the coin just give me a 50% chance to unilaterally decide my government every election cycle?
Edit: oh shit, it's not 50% chance, but 100% after it came into effect once. The first time it lands on heads, try to guess the next flip's outcome by guessing it would be heads. Since the coin is in effect, this guess is correct, even though the next coin will only be flipped in two weeks
In other words, the coin just gives you reality warping for halve a day every two weeks
The penny, then I’ll try and take the rest. (Flips coin, it landed on heads!)
Get fatigue mask.
Work out until completely destroyed
Put on mask
Wake up refreshed
Rinse repeat until I can crush stones between fingers
Dig a lithium mine by hand
Dominate the battery market and develop affordable electric vehicles
Use money to build large tubes
Use personal strength to javalin throw that shit into space
Get obscenely rich
Buy facebook actually make it better
Change name legally to: Fuck you Elon Musk
I don't know, the shoes are pretty tempting. I can Sprint at about 10 miles an hour for about 30 seconds right now. Multiplying those by 5 would let me Sprint at 50 miles an hour for two and a half minutes.
I would be the closest thing the real world has to having the flash, or you know kind of like an overweight Sonic the hedgehog
I'll do you one better and rank these instead.
- Lucky Penny
- Caffeinated shoes
- Fatigue masking mask
- Frying pan of flavor
- The cool glasses
- Underwear of febreze
I really wanted to put the caffeinated shoes at number 1, but the lucky Penny sounds OP.
Also, the underwear is an unfortunate item because most people who need it wouldn't choose it. It's also the only item that could be simulated with one hour of effort a day (at most) for most people.
If I had to put these on a personal tier list
S Tier:
-
Cool Glasses - As someone on the spectrum who is below-average in terms of physical attractiveness, the one thing I sorely lack is rizz. The ability to put on a pair of glasses and be able to automatically pass any job interview, make any new friends, sell any product, chat up any woman, etc would be massive. Also, no cooldown.
-
Fatigue Masking Mask - Gaining an extra 7 waking hours of time in a day is massive. If you're productive this is the artifact to go for.
? Tier:
- Caffeinated Shoes - This item is either moderately (C) to insanely (A) useful depending on its limitations. If you can skim across entire oceans at superhuman speed then that's massive. If you lack superhuman reflexes and will get splattered into a fine bloody mist from colliding with anything then it becomes a lot less useful.
B Tier:
- Frying Pan of Flavor Town - Unless it's a massive cast iron pan, don't expect to be opening up restaurants with it. It's best reserved for your own nutrition and impressing guests with your cooking.
C Tier:
- Lucky Penny - A 50% chance of having incredible luck for twelve hours once every fortnight seems great, but the cooldown is prohibitive. Also, unless RNGesus has bad luck protection, there is an incredibly slim chance that none of the 2000 or so times you get to use this item will yield any changes. Also, good luck can still wear off after those twelve hours.
D Tier:
- Underwear of Fe'Breeze - Personal hygiene doesn't take up much time, and with the right environment and lifestyle you can easily build up a habit. This one is just the least useful.
-
Does the underwear cover basic grooming and self care? I.e. do I still need to trim my fingernails, shave, apply sunscreen?
What about the health benefits of staying clean? I mean nice breath is fine, but if I stop brushing will I get cavities? If I get a cut, do I still need to clean the wound to avoid infection?
The lucky penny is broken af. For example, you can use it to replicate everything else on the list or learn abilities to match them or better.
Basically, it's exactly how luck is purported to work in various fictional universes. It's kinda similar to Constantine's (hellblazer) ability.
Edit: I am seeing people disagree with the penny, but unless the penny is magical in not only giving you luck but also in how the flip goes you can practice to make the flip go in your favour by practicing (I have been able to take the equivalent of a penny in my country and make it fall on the exact side I want almost every time)
With no explicit negative feedback and the penny going dormant in between, you can absolutely practice it. Hell make it so the first time you get the lucky heads you both practice and attempt to make the penny's lucky effect permanent or at least semipermanent so that it goes in your favour the next fortnight you are supposed to flip it (if it can't be made permanent without flipping)
I would go crazy just to have the fatigue masking mask.
1 hour... fully rested??? Assuming one gets 8 hours of sleep a night (though, who is really getting 8 a night on lemmy?), you've just converted your ratio of sleep-to-awake from 1:2 to 1:23.
Extreme change imo, plus gives you the benefit of having time to take care of your hygiene anyway.
Easily the penny. The mask is tempting to have more time in my day but I can just gamble and make a ton of money meaning I wouldn't have to work. It would also help with a ton of other stuff.
Fatigue Mask OP. I'll take 2.
I wonder if the underwear also works if the user gets splashed with neurotoxin or hit by a wave of radiation. I know theres gotta be a clear cutoff but I'm not sure where it is.
Don't get me wrong, running faster than Usain Bolt seems cool, too. The sleeping mask seems like a great idea at first until you realize it would increase your food expense dramatically.
The fatigue mask makes the underwear irrelevant. If I have an extra 7 hours in a day, I can spend some of that showering. You'd essentially gain an extra 3.5 months every year in additional time, plus you'd never be tired for any of it. There's a lot I could do with that time.
The Pan is questionably useful. Delicious food is cool, but has limited use with the cooldown. If I wanted to start a restaurant or something, could I only cook 3 delicious meals in a day? Or does "while in use" mean I could use it to continuously cook for 8 hours? If so, you could run a 3 star Michelin restaurant.
The shoes also seem limited to me. I can only use it until my stamina runs out? My stamina is already so low that 5x isn't even that much. I suppose I could use them to win the Olympics without training, but would they count as a violation? I really don't want to get involved in the underground track and field ring.
The glasses are very useful, lots of ways to find success if you know your way around networking. Being able to talk your way into or out of anything could get you crazy money, power, success, etc. in whatever you choose to do.
The penny is also mad useful. It essentially covers the abilities of all other items, albeit with a massive cooldown. Even still having an entire day of things going your way 26 times a year is an insane amount. You could win the lottery, start and sell successful businesses, find the love of your life, whatever, as long as you can make it happen in 12 hours.
I think it really comes down to the mask, the glasses or the penny. The mask really appeals to the tired part of me, but it doesn't really give you any superhuman abilities, just extra time to be normal, and I'd probably just waste it anyway. And while the glasses would be useful daily, you'd still have to do a lot of work to get yourself into important social situations to make use of it. Essentially your job would become networking. With the penny, I really think I could use its power to get myself into those situations by sheer luck, and then also have them go my way, by luck. I think I could end up making as much progress in those 12 hours as I could with 2 weeks of the glasses. Plus with the money I win from the lottery, I could fund projects faster instead of having to talk my way into funding.
I'm gonna go with the penny.
Glasses.
Look, everyone votes for penny, but really if your social skills are exceptional, rendering you able to "flawlessly navigate social situations", you can get a lot of it anytime.
Want a super high paying job? Glasses! Wanna hit that girl? Glasses! Wanna get anything you want? Stay cool, with the use of glasses!
Penny does seem OP, but only for as long as it's active, and while it is on cooldown (which is, on average, a month) you live your regular life with all the misery, and even if you've managed to accumulate money and influence through your lucky streaks, there's always a lot that can go wrong. Besides, a random nature of a penny means you can never rely on it, and always have to assume you'll lose. Betting on a penny makes you the ultimate RNG person, with dramatic rises and even more dramatic falls. Betting on glasses makes you insanely powerful on demand. Always. Anytime.
As someone who's continuously tired after tanking mono and COVID, I'll take the mask. Heck, I'd even take it if it gave me 8 hours of restful sleep. Just anything to wake up and feel rested for a while
Definitely the underwear. I have the opposite of whatever gene SE Asians have that makes you have no BO. No matter what I do, my BO can defeat any deodorant in ~6h.
Charisma glasses would open up all kinds of awful things in the wrong hands. And there will be hell to pay if you take them off at the wrong moment.
The shoes open up a whole can of worms. Just consume the last two decades of Flash (DC comics) media and you'll understand. Breaking physics like this opens up all kinds of utility, but the universe does not abide by people ignoring thermodynamics and spacetime.
The sleep mask sounds like a way to get anywhere from 5-8 more wakeful hours in a day, every day. But do I also get tired like normal if I use it? Because if I have to go to sleep every 20 hours, and spend 2-3 of those hours absolutely exhausted, that's gonna completely screw up my schedule.
The frying pan is my speed. Get people over to your place and you won't need the other items. Just make awesome relationships and build a posse around impossibly good home cooked meals. Win everybody over, work your way up in society, and start slinging tasty meals at state dinners. Together, you'll conquer the world one plate at a time.
Edit: The coin is a monkey's paw in disguise. Stay away.
Edit2: Underwear... look, if you need this, you have to re-evaluate some stuff. Otherwise, healthy body odor is kind of a factor in courtship. Plus it says "odor free", so that includes perfume. That said, if you're the rugged outdoor type and want to trek Patagonia for weeks on end, this is the item to pack.
The shoes are probably worthless to most folks, +400% stamina isn't a whole lot when you only have 1 stamina. Would they work during sex? You're faster, but also last longer?
I'd probably take the mask, just because that's what would benefit me the most right now.
The frying pan, mask and coin are definitely the best 3, in order. The frying pan is good for QOL, and if "while in use" is for an unlimited time, you could definitely start a business with it, as it would most likely make supernaturally good food. The mask just straight up effectively make your life longer because youd be concious for more of it. The average lifespan is 75 years in first world countries, so assuming 8hrs of sleep a day, most people will sleep for 8212 days in their lives (~22yrs) however, assuming you got the mask at 18, and only slept using it thereafter,by the time you are 75 you'd only have slept for 2470 days(~6.7yrs), meaning you are concious for 24905 days, which is almost the same as having lived to 115 with normal 8hr sleep. However, the coin is objectively best. The only real drawback to the coin is the 2 week wait period, which seems would be triggered regardless if you land a tails.that being said, a 50% to be capable of limited reality bending for 12 hours every 2 weeks is still super fucking good. You could just try to do something thats physically impossible and it should work anyways. The capabilities are actually almost limitless with it.
The glasses are OP, everyone's like "the coin bruh"
Nah bruh, you know the power of speeches? Now have it so everyone's on your side all the time. There's no cooldown, it's just always active.
You can just talk your way into anything. You don't need money if you don't have to pay for anything, if you want money you can still talk your way into having it. You wanna be president? Why not! Etc etc. The glasses are unreasonable.
I kinda like the skillet. I hate cooking, so can I just throw some chicken breast in there and some vegetables and then come back to a delicious meal?
I know others have loopholes, but using the loopholes ruins the fun.
This is a really cool list since it gets a bunch of people in the comments to fight over which one is the best. Obviously several could somehow let you gain a million dollars, but money alone might not be the limit.
BRB figuring out how to do an item dupe glitch for infinite lucky pennies, then making a macro that flips 100 of them in 2 seconds.
Frying pan is the obvious choice, I'll invade Mordor with it.
Glasses sounds pretty fun. You could potentially get a billionaire to buy you a house / give their wealth away.
Lets just balace the penny by saying it makes you 100x more likely to succeed.
Choose the lucky penny and throw it hopping all the other items will fall in your hands
I want the underwear. Personal hygiene is annoying
Definitely the skillet, I have no interest in playing the game in god mode but delicious meals everyday? Fuck yes.
I need new glasses in general
Give me the glasses
The frying pan, the penny and the glasses.
Ah fuck not hipsters run while you still can
the glasses definitely
I have to choose the glasses. They're powerful and they have no activation or cooldown.
I can cook, sleep, shower and make friends easily enough. And being able to run isn't very practical in the modern world so....
Lucky penny and then only using a stock market app twice a month please!
- Penny
- Glasses
- Sleep mask