A kid in my daughter's 2nd grade class has been saying some concerning things. How do I handle this?
A kid in my daughter's 2nd grade class has been saying some concerning things. How do I handle this?
There is a kid in my daughter's 2nd grade class, who seems to like to lie/embellish a bit about a lot of things. Some of the things he has said/done so far:
- He has a girlfriend Kate who hides in his bedroom everyday for him to come back from school, and when he does, they go to the bathroom and she kisses him on the lips
- He went to military school when he was young(?!). They gave him basic training there
- He once said he's a lot stronger than my daughter, and there is no way she can hurt him and asked her to try. She twisted his arm to the back (smh), and he screamed to let him go
- He said he can easily take her down, and all he needs to do is to hit her on her balls(?)
- He has punched a few kids in the class for one reason or another (they were making fun of him, she says)
- He said brought a gun to the school once, and he accidentally pressed the button that makes it shoot and almost killed people, so his girlfriend Kate is mad at him.
- He says he's gonna bring his gun to the school one day and kill everyone with it. He'll spare my daughter because 'you're the smart kid. We need smart people to tell us what to do'
I was initially not very concerned, but over time, the things he says and does are extremely concerning to me. We are immigrants who didn't grow up here, so we have no idea what's normal and what's not. I wanted to report the gun thing to his class teacher, but my wife is hesitant. She says he's probably just joking around, and not to make this a big deal at school.
What do I do here? Please advise.
REPORT IMMEDIATELY!
Kids that young have shot people.
absolutely report that. how is this even a question? a child threatened to bring a GUN to school and kill people. it doesn't matter how young or what other crazy shit they've said. don't take a chance on this. please. you have no idea if they actually have access to a gun or not. report that asap.
He brought a gun to the school once, and he accidentally pressed the button that makes it shoot and almost killed people, so his girlfriend Kate is mad at him.
He says heâs gonna bring his gun to the school one day and kill everyone with it. Heâll spare my daughter because âyouâre the smart kid. We need smart people to tell us what to doâ
Yeah maybe start with that
I listed them in the order it happened
I think they mean that those are the most concerning parts, and that's how you should start your conversation with the school officials.
Most of this seems like it could be troublesome but developmental and not really concerning. Then the last two points went from 10 to 100 real quick. This needs to be reported to the school administration, period. There are people whose job it is to figure out the truth of the situation as best they can, but they need to know where they're needed.
Even if your wife is right and the child is joking, this is not something it's ok to joke about. Part of being in school is socialising and learning what is and isn't ok to say
Everything up to the âIâm going to bring a gun to school and kill everyoneâ sounded like more over-the-top than usual 6-7 year old bullshitting but still reasonably within that realm. The girlfriend stuff could be a sign of too-early exposure to sexual imagery, but talking about kissing is pretty innocent.
The gun thing is definitely concerning and should be addressed by the school and a mental health professional. Best case scenario, itâs more big talk and the kid has it made really clear that mass shootings are not something to joke about.
In addition to what everyone has said, you should probably prep your daughter for this kid feeling betrayed by her. Presumably, he told the gun stuff to her privately, or the school would already be on it. When he finds out that she told you and then you told the school, he may not take it well, and start treating her differently, and she should probably be aware of that ahead-of-time. Ideally, whatever's troubling him can be dealt with, and he'll come back from it, but it could be that whatever friendship they may have had won't recover.
Also, if you haven't already, you should reinforce that she absolutely did the right thing by bringing this to you.
Yeah, that's concerning. It sounds like the kid has a "troubled home life." He's not coming up with these ideas on his own. I'd suggest calling CPS. They're notoriously incompetent, but they're the people that are supposed to handle this sort of situation. Sometimes they actually do good work. Make sure you file your report anonymously. Include the information you have given here, but don't accidentally doxx yourself or your daughter.
Please don't take violence and subsequent threats of lethal violence as anything but serious.
Report to teacher, principal. Better safe than sorry. Don't want to read about lots of dead kids and that nobody bothered to report.
Kids, especially 1st and 2nd graders lie a lot. But they need to be taught that joking about gun violence, and especially harming or killing others is not OK. The school needs to be alerted. He probably needs a short suspension and disciplinary action at home. Don't keep that to your self.
We are immigrants who didnât grow up here, so we have no idea whatâs normal and whatâs not.
I'm not sure where you're from or where you are, but considering how this is escalating, I don't think it matters.
I would actually take this to the school administration - principal and counselor(s) - and not to the specific teacher. A second grade teacher may not have the experience necessary to handle it properly, but the administration would. And you don't have to bring it as "I want you to do something about this." Present it as "This is definitely something you should be aware of," at least in your first conversation with them.
Oh, and check out Gavin DeBecker's The Gift of Fear and Protecting the Gift books. Trust your instincts.
Iâd bet money on the âgirlfriendâ being his babysitter that he has a crush on.
When I was a teacher, I had a student make some outlandish and utterly preposterous statement about a gun. He was doing it for the attention as it appears this kid is, as well. I had to report it despite knowing there was nothing to it. The kid got connected with the help he needed for what he was dealing with.
Did you hear these directly or from your daughter? It doesn't really matter. Either way, go to the school guidance department instead of the teacher. He's probably dealing with some heavy adjustments from wherever he immigrated from and they ought to be equipped to connect him with a therapist who can help him process those feelings in a more prosocial manner.
Yeah the boy told her these things, and we went to the principal with this and asked them to not punish the kid but instead give him the help he needs. Since then I've seen him get his own desk near the principals office and apparently he studies from there a lot. I still don't know whether that's good or bad, but the last we saw him there, he was waving at my daughter with a smile on his face. So he doesn't seem to be minding it.