1y ago

I can't get over how I spent most of my life trying to be part of the cool group, and now I can't be fucked

I met up with my ex last week. When she broke up with me, it really broke my brain. But I was able to say to her "having a typically attractive* girlfriend opened doors for me with the beautiful middle class people I was always trying to fit in with, and when you left me those doors slammed shut." It was nice to just voice it out after all these years and put all the weird recrimination behind.

I sorta wonder what the younger comrades feel. I grew up before the internet, in the 80s when we actually believed that everyone was going to be middle class. Back when I was a kid, every TV show and movie was about trying to get into the cool people group. Life from school to through uni through the early naughts felt like everyone was angling to get in the in-group.

I spent my 20s and 30s repeating the same cycle: meet a group of people, feel accepted, try really hard to be part of the group, then get burned from said normie group for various reasons. The older I got the harder I tried. Like guys, I GOTTA make this group work because I'm running out of time.

Now those same people are boring as fuck to me. I can barely maintain the emotional labour to listen to them. If you're not marxist/anarchist, activist, vegan, and/or mask wearing, I can't honestly force myself to talk to you. It does help that most of the normies outed themselves as sociopaths during COVID times. Most people who know me IRL probably think I'm cold. I make a real effort for the actual proles I meet tho.

I suspect you younger comrades probably figured it out much earlier than I did. But if you're still searching, I hope this helps you out.

*Sorry I know that "typically attractive" can be problematic and arbitrary. In this story, I'm referring to the irrational standard enforced by the mainstream culture and media.

5 comments

I've done the "try really hard to fit into normie group, get burned" a few times, except every time it's been a queer or neurodiverse group or people, who are supposed to not be normies themselves, so there's a problem on my end clearly.
I am pretty "lucky" though in that I realised I was trans at age 15 so I never really had the chance to try assimilating or whatever. My wife is beautiful but Idk if any of my past partners would have been considered normatively attractive, so it never really got me any ins with people. My first girlfriend was an insufferable military brat though, which occasionally led to me being abrasive and weird in upper middle class "polite" company, that was fun. Her parents were legit "concerned for her safety" when she wanted to wear a dress the first time, lol.
It is hard to listen to normals generally though, and not just because hearing dumb jokes about AES countries flips the "UNCRITICAL SUPPORT THE DEMOCRATIC PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF KOREA IN THEIR HEROIC STRUGGLE TO etc" switch, but also because with a lib-or-worse worldview and subsequent lack of understanding, the average normie is often not prone to deep or interesting thoughts, I think.
Also I don't know anyone else who reads freakishly weird books all day =)
My wife n I are pretty content existing outside of society socially, mostly I spend my time trying to find that non-normo niche to fit into, which hasn't panned out. Oh well, nevertheless,

If you're not marxist/anarchist, activist, vegan, and/or mask wearing
Hate to break it to you, but that's a very niche person. It's also limiting to constrain your associates to those traits. That could be the ideal friend group, sure, but you can still make friends with someone completely opposite of you, if you are both mature and understanding of each other's beliefs.
I have a couple friends like that, we talk about our differences, but we don't try and convert the other person, or make them feel bad for liking one thing over another.
I met a vegan online, and they shared information that was new to me. I learned that, in another life, I would be vegetarian. If I had not spent time getting to know this person, or meeting the many other people I have, I would not have learned as much, and I would still be very naive.
- marxist/anarchist, activist, vegan, and/or mask wearing
  It's sorta shorthand for giving a fuck. I wish it was a niche. But if you're OK with hurting and exploiting others, we can't be real friends. I'm not gonna fuck with you or debate you all the time, but I'll not give you much more than a passing hello.
  If you legitimately have a good faith curiosity in any one of those, I can walk you through the science. But if you don't care about the immunocompromised, the poor, and murdered animals because you prefer a tiny bit of comfort for yourself, well sir there's a whole country of normies that you can chill with.
  
  Your wording is intense. I'm not sure if that's just your online persona, or just venting in this thread, but it's not very welcoming. You seem like you talk more than listen. I'm not trying to roast you or start bad vibes, that's just my impression.
  Communism could be a better political system, but any political system is subject to failure or overpowered elites
  I have no problems wearing masks when it is applicable. When covid started I didn't go anywhere without one. I was in San Francisco, where everything shutdown overnight.
  I made friends with a vegan, and after we talked, I concluded that in another life I would be a vegetarian, but I was born to a butcher. I would love if modern meat were replaced by lab meat. I do eat vegan meals sometimes. I think utilizing milk and eggs, etc. for human consumption is fine, they are byproducts that would go to waste otherwise, however it has gotten very inhumane because of the industrial scale.
  What's your definition of activist?
  Let's not confuse this with wanting to be friends, parts of your ideals are relatable, but from my impression, our debates would result in you trying to win everything.