As a counter to the post putting it rudely, I'm going to try to say what's helped me more nicely. Arguably could be summarized similarly.
If you can, get medicated. It's not a fix-all, and it may take time to find the medicine and dosage that works for you, but I have a lot more success in "adulting" when my brain chemistry is functioning closer to "normal".
Beyond that, try to start accepting any headway as headway. If you can, force yourself to do one thing that will take less than five minutes, and do it right now. Even if it's as small as putting one piece of dirty laundry in the dirty clothes hamper, it's something. Do your best to stop the internal negative self talk that it's not enough. If the alternative was you paralyzed doing nothing, then doing even a small thing is a positive step. Whenever you start spiraling about everything in between where you are and where you feel you should be, try to stop yourself and do one thing that you can do in five minutes or less. No one just leaps to the finish line.
Any progress is progress. If you've ever seen Gurren Lagann, to be cheesy, every small turn pulls the drill forward just a little further.
It's not easy, but if you keep trying you will eventually build habits. They will be far harder won, and far easier to lose, but you can. Most importantly, even if you don't, you will still be in a better spot for trying. Any progress is progress.
And if you mess up, you just messed up. It's not some grand failure in a chain of failures that somehow defines you. That's just negative self talk. There's plenty of people out there managing life worse with far less exacerbating circumstances, I guarantee it. Just keep trying.
Again, far far easier said than done. But just start with any small movement forward you can muster. Then do the next tiny movement forward that you can. And the next. When I'm in a bad state I really really try to focus on the smallest things.
I ate within an hour of when I should, even if it was junk food. I put one glass in the dishwasher, so that's one less dirty one lying around. Etc.
Anecdotally, something I've identified in myself and numerous others I've known with ADHD is the terrible trap of comparing yourself to an idealized concept of yourself.
"If I could just get my shit together, I'd be like this. So I need to work to be like this. But I'm not like this because reasons reasons reasons spiral spiral spiral"
"I know, tomorrow I'll start fresh and tackle all of this as the idealized version of myself that doesn't have motivation/focus/executive processing issues"
If you lost an arm, you wouldn't make plans to take care of things tomorrow with both hands. So don't assume you'll be worthless, but also don't assume you'll magically be motivated to do everything all at once tomorrow. I fall into this trap all the fucking time.
Stop. Take a deep breath. You aren't competing against yourself in perfect conditions, with all your shit together. You aren't competing against your peers and the idea of how they work through a filter of your own eyes where you can't possibly know everything about their situation and internal thoughts.
You're competing against yourself as you are right now. As you were five minutes ago. As you were yesterday. Try to take time and figure out how you specifically work. Identify your limitations and struggles, doing your best to self reflect honestly, without the added failings from depression speaking, and without the added ideas of how good you "could" do. You. As you are. Now.
Then try to structure things in ways that work for you. Not the rest of the world, not how your parents thought things should work, for you and the way you operate right now.
Accept your flaws and personal quirks instead of fighting a constant head on push against them. Work with them, around them.
Then eventually you can start working as often as you can (once a week, once a day) to scoot back the edges of those limitations inch by inch. A lot, maybe most, you'll be stuck with and have to find ways to live with and around over time. Some you can overcome.
But the most important thing is to just try to do something small you can do right now, and accept that any progress is progress.
The importance of momentum cannot be overstated. Overcoming inertia is so hard, if you find yourself in motion make sure you are making use of it.
Having worked with some impressive leaders, they always make a point of celebrating every step forward. I've seen them correct people who say "it wasn't a big deal, it was this one small thing I did". No - every step matters, because the full achievement is brought about by all these small steps. This is also part of what drives systems like Kanban - measuring and acknowledging each of the small bites required to eat an elephant.
So it's not just neuro-atypical ADHD folks who need this, which I think is a great point to make.
obviously i haven't read more than like 5 sentences of this because what did you expect posting this to an adhd space, but here's my take:
Make things easy for yourself, and do however much you can whenever you can.
I don't load the entire dishwasher at once, i put in 2-5 dishes at a time whenever i'm in the kitchen.
I keep a trashcan next to my computer so i don't leave trash laying around, it's actively easier to toss it in the bin than it is to put it anywhere else.
I wash or put away dishes as i cook, when they're freshly used you can often just rinse them off, and putting it in the washer now means i don't have to think about it later.It's something i think you have to experiment with yourself to figure out what works, but i think those 3 things should be quite universal and helpful.
How’s your appetite. I take 36mg Methylphenidate XL and although I can adult a bit better but man I can’t eat for shit. I’ll be starving but can’t bear chewing.
The pomodoro technique helped me get stuff done at work when I had to, although I don't always use it it's a good way to be focused in short bursts
Brilliantly described. Just one more thing : be kind to yourself.
You are always listening to your own negative self talk and, if you find yourself in a big hole it can become overwhelming as you oscillate between absolutely abusing yourself, trying not to think about it, and giving up.
You wouldn't put up with anyone else treating someone you love that way, don't allow yourself to self-harm that way either.
Thank you very much, y'all! I don't have ADHD, I "only" suffer from depression... I sometimes have a look in ADHD-posts though, as I read some symptoms can be similar and I actually can see myself in many posts. This is very helpful for me. First, because I can see there are others who understand the struggle but also getting hints how to reframe the situation or how to challenge a certain kind of mindset. The last days were hard for me, couldn't get anything done and didn't know why... So, once again, this helps to understand myself and have some self compassion.
I keep seeing memes about ADHD that I relate too.
As with disorders in general, the metric is how much it disrupts your life.
I’m assuming you don’t have adhd?
It’s also a spectrum as well some people have different types and people with the same type may have it worse. Some people even technically have ADHD, it’s just the symptoms are so mild it doesn’t really impact them or might as well not have it
in my experience it, for the most part, amplifies some things. Sometimes people have some brain fog and can’t focus, sometimes people take time to process what was said, sometimes people can easily get overstimulated.
But my favorite thing to say is yes those are true, everyone also pees, but when you pee 100 times a day you usually go see a doctor
I've never been diagnosed. I'm an adult and I get along fine, so it's not crippling. But I've always struggled with procrastination and it feels like the amount of mental energy I have to expend to get tasks done is higher than most people. And certain tasks I get to much anxiety about and don't even start them, whereas other people just do it.
Such is life
Put your distraction away, get up, clean.
That's an issue for most everyone, and an issue that even adhd people can overcome. Let go of your instant little dopamine drip and pick stuff up for an hour, non-stop.
It's not about the distraction. I can throw my phone across the room and still not be able to get up. I can remove all distractions, and I will still stare off into space and not get anything done.
I heard this tip that works decently sometimes.
If you notice it's dirty, don't conclude that you have to clean. Instead, because you're noticing, you should conclude you want it to be clean. That obviously requires you to do some cleaning, but it's something you want, not something you're forced to do.
I'll actually try this right away tomorrow morning when I get to do my work, concluding that I want to get shit done because of my bad-conscience-induced stomach ache.
Oh it's a word magic thing like "I have to get up at 0530" can be "I get to wake up at 0530" and everything magically changes
people keep telling me that i should just "do things"
But i don't think people understand how my brain works. "just doing something" is not something that is possible. The line between me doing something, and me consciously doing something, is very very big. To be honest, i don't even know why i do shit sometimes, i just fucking do it.
amusingly enough.
. . . I might have ADHD, because this is probably the most relatable example I've ever seen.
Lol this comic probably describes 90% of the population
Rule 1, friend. (and the only rule) https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/4051762
No. No it does not. "We all pee too, but if you're doing it 60 times a day, it's a problem..."
If, in fact, 90% of the population is doing this, we have a BIG issue.
same here
Same boat. Fits my weekend to a T.
I’ve solved this problem by just not buying things.
minimalism is the best thing that happened to me, not only does it make living with adhd way easier, but i also saves money and is better for the environment!
I'm disabled and can't work. I'm stuck living at home because my disability income doesn't afford me a place of my own.
My living spaces in my house are messy, but I know exactly where everything of mine is.
I'm autistic with OCD, and I think I may also have ADHD, but that's not confirmed.
I'm just ranting. I know this feeling in the meme above very well.
Fuck I probably have ADHD but my parents is denying the fact.
Gotta pick just one little insignificant part to start the snowball
every person's* head
👍
Honestly it's not good to feel so bad about so little. Just move on and do other stuff you can do and don't just sit there feeling bad about not doing the little cleaning stuff. I feel like it's easier to do the little tasks less often once they got a little bit bigger so the reward from the brain is actually worth the effort.
Just start somewhere. ADHD is no excuse for laziness. Once you get going it's not a big deal.
Oh my god really? Oh thank you so much! I just had to start doing it! Holy shit! Incredible! Astounding! You will surely be rich and famous. Have you heard of Oprah? Talk to her! Maybe she can give you your own show with nonsensical useless opinions that demonstrate a complete lack of knowledge on the subject and a tacit hostility to anything you don't understand!
Pick a random direction to off and proceed to fuck in that direction, please.
I have clinical depression, so I'm essentially an amalgamation of 1st and 2nd pick. I know, it's a mess, I'm not okay with it, but when I eventually clean, I still feel like shit because it doesn't solve my problems. The devious thing is that I'm fully aware beforehand that tidying up and cleaning will not make a difference, but while doing it, I have that naive hope that it will.
The amount of times I've heard "just go to therapy" or the even less helpful "just look at the bright side of life" is staggering. People really seem to think I enjoy hating myself and hoping that I don't wake up tomorrow.
Oh, another fun argument is "look at some horrible shit that happened to someone, you have it way better". I'm sorry that seeing others' misery does not make me feel better.
Oh is that all? Thank God you were here to share that groundbreaking trick with us...
While not exactly false, there's astronomically better ways to put this. Plus the fact that momentum doesn't always work reliably or consistently for people with ADHD.
Don't be a jerk.
Fuck you.
Spoken like a lazy out of shape fuck tard sitting on the couch.
And ignorance is no excuse for being blatantly rude.
Some days it's this way and a ton of mental work, others can be simple to start, but counting efficiently is near impossible, so at the end you've worked on cleaning all day, but it's still messy.
As a fellow adhder yer right tho. I'm literally laying in the middle of my filth right now haha but since I'm going for coffee downstairs anyway, I'm going to take down four glasses as well! Because you're right!
Holy shit, why didn't I think of this‽‽‽
Dumbass.
I guess because you're lazy and you suffer from learned helplessness?
Just starting somewhere is the correct call (though I'd rephrase it as "Start anywhere") but I wouldn't call not doing it laziness
There's a decision paralysis that's really hard to overcome on where to start
I know it sounds silly, but it's really a major hurdle
The more times you make it past the initial hurdle by "starting anywhere" the easier it becomes to get past that initial hurdle
I find breaking things into much smaller tasks helps a lot. I personally make actual physical lists so I can cross things out as I go because it's more satisfying to cross things off and it's easier to not get distracted.
For example: Cleaning my room is the major task but it's too big and full of choices; cleaning 3d prining corner, organize shelf, vacuum, clean my desk, etc. I'm going to grab 1 minor task from it, cleaning my desk.
The minor task of "cleaning my desk" can be broken down further into so many sub-tasks; Put books back on shelf (this can be broken up as well due to how things are sorted and the variety on my desk), put dishes in sink (can lead to other minor tasks), sort mail into 2 piles, throw away junk mail, put important mail into filing cabinet, put tools back in toolbox, wipe down monitors, etc, etc.
Breaking tasks into smaller pieces makes those initial hurdles easier to overcome and also makes "starting anywhere" easier. Not to mention there's the dopamine spike of completing those little tasks.
Also learning to accept that sometimes the major task you want to accomplish is too large for one day helps.
It's hard (trust me I know) but it's worth it in the long run to get practice doing it.
Tell me you don’t understand the neurochemical mechanisms of ADHD without telling me you don’t understand the neurochemical mechanisms of ADHD
While I personally do find a level of success starting something - after starting, continuing is much easier - that doesn't mean that the difficulty I have with starting things is laziness.
Also, fuck you.
