Stubsack: weekly thread for sneers not worth an entire post, week ending Sunday 13 October 2024
Stubsack: weekly thread for sneers not worth an entire post, week ending Sunday 13 October 2024
Need to let loose a primal scream without collecting footnotes first? Have a sneer percolating in your system but not enough time/energy to make a whole post about it? Go forth and be mid: Welcome to the Stubsack, your first port of call for learning fresh Awful you’ll near-instantly regret.
Any awful.systems sub may be subsneered in this subthread, techtakes or no.
If your sneer seems higher quality than you thought, feel free to cut’n’paste it into its own post — there’s no quota for posting and the bar really isn’t that high.
The post Xitter web has spawned soo many “esoteric” right wing freaks, but there’s no appropriate sneer-space for them. I’m talking redscare-ish, reality challenged “culture critics” who write about everything but understand nothing. I’m talking about reply-guys who make the same 6 tweets about the same 3 subjects. They’re inescapable at this point, yet I don’t see them mocked (as much as they should be)
Like, there was one dude a while back who insisted that women couldn’t be surgeons because they didn’t believe in the moon or in stars? I think each and every one of these guys is uniquely fucked up and if I can’t escape them, I would love to sneer at them.
(Semi-obligatory thanks to @dgerard for starting this)
You're viewing a single thread.
Nobody likes Bryan Johnson’s breakfast at the Network School
A cafe run by immortality-obsessed multi-millionaire Bryan Johnson is reportedly struggling to attract customers with students at the crypto-funded Network School in Singapore preferring the hotel’s breakfast buffet over “bunny food.”
I did not expect to be tricked into reading about the nighttime erections of the man with the most severe midlife crisis in the world.
he has 80% fewer gray hairs, representing a “31-year age reversal”
According to Wikipedia this guy is 47. Sorry about your hair as a teenager I guess? I hope the early graying didn't lead to any long term self-esteem issues.
Alternatively, he only had 5 gray hairs to begin with I guess? I'm more concerned about the fact that he's apparently taking time to set a timer whenever he gets hard at night. I don't want to yuck anyone's yum, but I'm pretty sure you're doing it wrong if you're taking time out of the experience to collect those metrics.
If he collects enough metrics, he could make a horrendously cursed blogpost out of it like Aella
When I was adjusting to a high fiber diet for medical reasons I couldn't figure out why I was so incredibly hungry despite eating enough.
Then I realized "huh, I haven't had any fat at all for the past week" and went and made myself four slices of buttery toast and they were so tasty.
The Network School offers Johnson’s healthy food and a fitness program called the Blueprint Protocol. He claims that after three years of following his blueprint the duration of his night-time erections totals 179 minutes, “better than the average 18-year-old”
Yeah, this is a very normal diet that's advertising itself in very normal ways.
I’m trying to imagine the kind of wacky gross VR body tracking setup you’d need to measure that metric while asleep and all I’m coming up with is mutilated Powerglove
that's because you're discounting
quantified dating, and the scorecard he gives partners to fill out
what is the utility of 179 minutes of night-time erections
as a warning to others
my first thought reading this was that you meant it could be a deterrent to burglars. then I imagined a pair of increasingly nervous burglars timing his erections and freaking out as it hit 179 minutes. "we gotta bail man, that's longer than the average 18 year old"
I want a menu!
What do you think is the venn diagram of "people who go to The Network School" and "men who believe in the meat-only diet"? I imagine there's a lot of crossover
Now if it was Brian Johnson from AC/DC, I bet it'd be awesome.