First and Last day

See, Netflix? You don't need to ramble on for two seasons to tell a fucking Story.
- I bet we could stretch each tweet into a season.
  
  And then still cancel it before finishing the story
- idunno the advertising metrics say that people didn't engage with this story as long.
- May I ask what you're referring to?

The real blame lies on the fact that Windows lets hundreds of companies like Crowdstrike ship kernel-level software to millions of computers. The fact that this incident was caused by an accidental bug is hilarious, but we're lucky that it wasn't someone pushing malicious software instead.
Windows drivers are a huge liability and I wouldn't be surprised if the next time is a state actor like Russia pushing kernel-level malware.
- I hate how many video games come with kernel level anti cheat, it’s an attractive target for hacks
  
  The helldivers community fucking hates me for pointing this out. Don’t buy helldivers, or any other game packaged with such bullshit.
- The real fuck up is that Crowdstrike Falcon can auto update through its own updater, and doesn't have any kind of control panel for management that could be used for change control. If their customers could have tested this update first, none of this would be happening.
  
  Or if they were smart enough to do a phased rollout to a small percentage of users before deploying worldwide. That catches most issues quickly.
  
  Yep. A lot of customers were running n-1 or even n-2 of their falcon sensor release to mitigate risk. Doesn't count for shit though if the "deployed content" bypasses all of that.
  
  an antivirus-like software is something you want auto updates for in my opinion
- Let's be real, Microsoft wouldn't do a hell of a lot better even if they had that stuff locked down. Their fuckups just tend to hit the general public a little more frequently than enterprise customers.
  Edit: I wrote this before I learned about yesterday's Azure outage lol. That definitely adds to my point.
  
  Yeah this way they can Shaggy their way out of it
- so you're saying you shouldn't be able to install any software with drivers? there's nothing microsoft can do about mass installing a program with elevated privileges, especially if it had actual uses like this
  
  The average person or IT dept should not have to, no. It is very rare to install third party drivers on MacOS and Linux, and the fact that it's even needed for an antivirus is insane.

Grand opening, grand closing.

A press conference where they explain it by bringing this guy up and saying:
First of all, Fillibuster
And just let this dude walk up and ramble about nonsense would be awesome.
*Obviously the post has to be a joke, and the name probably is too

Really? The entire hell of last night’s shift was this guy writing bad code?!?!
- Is joke.