When you roll in at 4:00 a.m. but you have a presentation at 9:00

I don't care how it tastes, I'm not drinking anything that has this much cringe on the label.
- Urgh, it probably tastes like ass too.
  Nice little bit of mysogeny "sprinkled" in there too. Just so you know it's for real men with anger management issues

Light roasts have more caffeine than dark roasts. Because they don't roast out all the caffeine.
So this coffee is actually "extra weak".
- This isn't true. Unless you're roasting until it literally takes like only charcoal, like noticably darker than a 2nd wave French roast, caffeine doesn't really roast out. Caffeine also seems to be pretty significantly more soluble in darker roasts so between two cups brewed normally with the same mass of coffee, there will be more caffeine in the darker cup. They will have almost the same amount of caffeine if you do a cold brew process.
  
  I kind of love being wrong and updating what I know. I had to find some sources.
  https://www.kickinghorsecoffee.com/which-roast-has-more-caffeine
  https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/light-vs-dark-roast-coffee
  dark roasts tend to be slightly lower in caffeine after the roasting process.
  That said, recent and older studies alike suggest that the difference is negligible.
  This one references actual scientific studies.
  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25212328/
  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22032554/
  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34071879/
  https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34200293/
- But light coffee doesn't make me feel like a badass, and clashes with my specifically targeted shirt.
- Darker roasts do burn off caffeine but it also makes the bean more soluble. Testing has concluded that in the end lighter and darker roast cups end up with generally the same caffeine concentration.
  This is probably robusta coffee, which has 2x the caffeine compared to arabica.

Try this.
Put your shower as hot as you can stand it for as long as you can stand it, then as cold as you can take it for as long as you take it.
You will be alert.
- I feel like a lot of society would benefit from going to bed earlier.
  
  Funny thing. There's another post where someone asked about young people staying away from the nightlife and partying.
  I look at bar/restaurant prices today and am amazed anyone leaves the house.
  
  Me going to bed earlier: Nope... Might be better idk but it's not that great of a solution as one would expect.

I want this, this is exactly what my coffee should do

I'm looking for a coffee blend that has a smooth aromatic allure with notes of olympic sprinter from Kenya.

You think this label is funny right? Interesting
- I have 30 something's at my work with that kind of Humor. Millennials are not as funny as they think.

It can be found at adamgoodcoffee.square.site/, for those interested
- Have you tried it yet? I'm interested
  
  No, I have a favorite brand of coffee that I buy, so I won't be trying this anytime soon. I had to look it up though, because I had a hard time believing it was a real thing.
  
  Not yet.