Nothing makes me feel more useless or hopeless than job hunting
Love to see a bunch of shit I'm not qualified for and then a bunch of things that don't begin to cover my expenses and feel bad about myself and my circumstances and cry and eventually put one application for a custodian position with the county because what the fuck else will I do
I know if I went back to school and finished a degree it would give me a leg up but I just can't fucking handle the workload of work and school anymore, I feel like such a lazy piece of shit but I just don't have it in me anymore to keep this shit up
Dealing with a lot of dark thoughts today. Very dark.
Theres something very dark and twisted in telling people how high youll jump for them in order to survive. I remember being unemployed last year and doing the dumbest most degrading shit for job interviews.
One literally had me do a math test, which I did poorly at, before being asked to do it again. Then they asked me what I wanted to do for a career, which I told them some generic answer until they kept asking and got a real answer, which I told them ideally Id be a professional musician. Which they didnt like. Go figure.
I interviewed for a job years ago that would have involved setting / stocking shelves for a grocery chain, distinctly remember the guy visibly losing interest when I said I hadn't researched the companies mission and core values. Like oh wow I really want to slurp up whatever bullshit the marketing team decided to put up on their website, suck off me.
When I was in high school, I was turned down for a shelf-stocking position because I didn't have any prior work experience. Of course I didn't? I was a child?